X's and O's (Saint View Murder Squad, #1)

by Elle Thorpe

Even though I’d told her not to come, I was looking for Violet.

but I wasn’t fucking around when I’d said I was coming for her. I was.

Because she was sweet and kind and good, and she’d respected my wishes. I’d never had to reject her attempts at visiting, the way I had with the guys from my club. I’d asked her not to come, so she hadn’t.

I shot War a glance over my shoulder, one that warned if he said a word, I would kill him where he stood.

But I was sure as fuck going to try. For her. For me.

me out today, I was never going back to that prison, no matter what I had to do to stay out of it.

War didn’t seem fazed by my tone. Just…sad. “I’m not my father. Things are different now.” But we both knew that was a lie. An

“Girly-pop, you just say the word and we will go down and get a restraining order. I don’t care what you’ve been writing to that man all these months, he cannot come near you—”

what he was talking about. “Wait, what? I’m not taking a restraining order out on Levi.”

I’d told him things I’d never told anyone except Toby. Like how screwed up I was over my family. Or rather, my lack of one.

I’m scared for you.”

think I was a complete nutjob, “It’ll help me understand where I went wrong.”

herself. I will warn you; this message is not something I would have normally played for an employee, but if you’re insisting…”

“Violet, I don’t appreciate you flirting with clients. And what mess did you make?” If only she knew.

“The girl you’re stalking?” “You call it stalking, I call it courting.” “You just had me break into a private database to get her details. That’s illegal in pretty much every state.” “I’m not understanding your point.”

Sometimes I really had no idea how I’d been born into this family.

Because I certainly hadn’t gotten it from my parents. They were as Brady Bunch as they came, and when I was with them, so was I.

but I tried hard to hide

It was all about balance.

I’d ever allowed myself to even peek at a woman was at Psychos. In the middle of a sex club, I

Even I wasn’t that obvious.

her trying to be all independent. Me just wanting to show her I could take care of her. My brother always carried his wife’s bag for her. It was the gentlemanly thing to do, so I’d been told when I’d given him shit for his pretty glittered Hello Kitty bag. I got it now. I didn’t want Violet to ever have to carry anything for herself ever again. I could do that for her.

the book clutched in my fingers and did a double take at the cover.

“This is a sex book!” I shouted after her, a grin spreading across my face as I read some more. Holy shit, it was hot sex too. About a group of masked guys, chasing down women in a club game where the winner got to keep them.

“You want a masked man who will chase you down and claim you?”

corner. I shrugged, giving up, and going back to the book for further research. If she wanted a masked man, I could give her that.

I wished I’d never sent Violet that letter. I was a fucking idiot for thinking the outside world would just welcome me back

Except none of that had happened.

I wasn’t good enough for her.

That’s what he should have swapped me for.

But she was also the warm comfort of a long-term partner who knew you well and loved you anyway.

All while my head screamed I didn’t deserve either.

Fuck, this had been a mistake.

Something changed in her expression. The open vulnerability that had been there a second earlier was suddenly gone, guarded by something harder.

the barely held control

beg her for a chance I didn’t deserve. Then she’d be dragged down with me. Into the fucking dirt with a man who was probably too institutionalized to function outside of the prison walls.

he couldn’t find honest work. Trying to hold on to her would be the most selfish fuckin...

She shrugged. “I’m not what you expected and you don’t find me attractive. It’s okay. Actually, I expected it, really.” I shook my head. “Wait. What?” But she went on, talking fast, filling the silence with babble. “I shouldn’t have asked to meet you. I should have just left things alone, the way they were. But I don’t blame you at all. I really don’t. Look at you.” “Look at me?” I was so fucking confused.

“I don’t even blame you for not wanting me. I wouldn’t either. I’m not even good for a quick fuck in the bushes, am I? God, I never should have told you how inexperienced I was. This is so mortifying.” It was like she was spewing every insecurity she’d ever had at me. Or worse, like I’d triggered them.

You think I don’t know that? God. Just go. Please. Leave me alone.” I stared after her, unable to fucking breathe for the hurt on her face. Hurt that I’d caused. It cut through me, sharp and brutal. I wanted to go after her.

And her standing here, staring at me, listening to me reject her, even if it was for her own good, would be hurting her all over again.

That I couldn’t be with her, no matter how much I wanted to be.

“And that you’re fucking good.”

But this was what guys got for demanding their wives be virgins. They got bad sex until they practiced enough to get good. Or until they came to me.

receiving it. Something I’d learned in college, before…

“Does he make you come?” The guy sat up straight. “Of course I do.” I raised an eyebrow at the woman. She gave a tiny shake of her head.

“I hear the lion taming industry is really exploding.”

would have put money on his middle name being hyperfixation.

“It’s mine.”

which was why we never saw eye to eye on anything.