King of Ashes

by S.A. Cosby

Memory believes before knowing remembers. Believes longer than recollects, longer than knowing even wonders. —WILLIAM FAULKNER

Sexuality was just the pen they used to write the story he needed to read again and again.

But he had no desire to be the King of Ashes. That title belonged to his father, and Roman was content to let it live on through him or burn with him.

According to the police, June 6th, 2003, Bonita Carruthers walked out of Jefferson Run Memorial and vanished like a cloud of dust caught in the summer breeze.

Money is like acid. It burns through everything. Friendships, family, lovers, husbands and wives. Whatever bond you think you have, money will make that shit dissolve.

“You’re the oldest, Rome. You gotta learn to look after yourself,” his father had said. “But I’m only fourteen,” he’d whispered back.

😭

They are monsters. And a monster ain’t nothing but a beast that you don’t understand.

Memory is a powerful thing. It’s a spirit we willingly call upon to whisper lies or help us punish ourselves.

Roman thought it was ironic a man who commanded fire could be so cold.

He thought it was ironic in this age of digital footprints and ethereal social media existence how much paper still defined someone’s life. Whether it was dollar bills or a death certificate, paper and ink still gave our lives more meaning than terabytes and data points.

He wanted to be their Chaos. He wanted to be their downfall.

Greed could make zealots out of heretics.

Roman felt his scrotum crawl up the crack of his ass.

This sentence just sent me 💀

There’s a thousand ways to die, he thought, but sometimes all it takes is one thing to make you want to live. Like your brother remembering what you like on your pizza.

“Sometimes the man wearing the crown ain’t the man that’s supposed to be the king.”

Children should be protected from the lives of adults. Especially from the private lives of their parents. Children should be allowed to exist in a state of constant unawareness when it comes to what their parents do inside or outside the bonds of marriage. That sacred covenant is between God and man, but Mother and Father are gods in a way, and they have a sacred covenant with their children. To keep them safe, to do no harm, and to allow them to be children as long as they can.

and instantly realizes he has entered an undiscovered country. A land of fallen idols and deposed emperors. A realm that each child must one day traverse. A journey that takes you from seeing your parents as infallible to recognizing them as all too human. For most, that journey ends with a wistful kind of acceptance. We love our parents not because they are perfect but because they persevere despite their imperfections. We all fall short of grace, but the beauty lives in the attempt.

💔