King of Ashes

by S.A. Cosby

Memory believes before knowing remembers. Believes longer than recollects, longer than knowing even wonders. —WILLIAM FAULKNER

All empires are created of blood and fire. —PABLO ESCOBAR

“I used to be afraid the universe was evil. Now I almost wish it was. Because evil can be bargained with, evil has a purpose, no matter how horrible it may be. But what I’ve come to realize is the universe is indifferent, and that is so much more terrifying,” she had said.

The universe was both evil and indifferent. It was both horrific and idiotically apathetic. It was like a god that strode through time and space full of anger and bereft of concern.

The three of them, Dante, Neveah, and Roman, had shared the same womb, been brought into the world with the same alchemy of love, passion, and need that had lived between their parents. That magic united them for all time even if it didn’t give the same solidarity to their parents. They were siblings, flesh of the same flesh. What they knew, no one else could possibly know or understand. They kept each other’s secrets. Much the same way it was with most families.

He wasn’t ungrateful for the life flames had given him and his brother and sister. But he had no desire to be the King of Ashes. That title belonged to his father, and Roman was content to let it live on through him or burn with him.

Money is like acid. It burns through everything. Friendships, family, lovers, husbands and wives. Whatever bond you think you have, money will make that shit dissolve. It’s acid. Don’t ever lie to yourself and think it ain’t,” Roman said.

Memory is a powerful thing. It’s a spirit we willingly call upon to whisper lies or help us punish ourselves. For the people of Jefferson Run, remembering Bonita Carruthers was their hobby. For him it was his penance.

There’s a thousand ways to die, he thought, but sometimes all it takes is one thing to make you want to live. Like your brother remembering what you like on your pizza.

The Book of Five Rings,

“When I was in business school, a professor told me a true leader will get you to the top of the mountain but he won’t push you off the edge of a cliff when things aren’t going well.”

“Sometimes the man wearing the crown ain’t the man that’s supposed to be the king.”

“So grown people can just be hoes and nobody supposed to say nothing?” Roman says, and instantly realizes he has entered an undiscovered country. A land of fallen idols and deposed emperors. A realm that each child must one day traverse. A journey that takes you from seeing your parents as infallible to recognizing them as all too human.

We love our parents not because they are perfect but because they persevere despite their imperfections. We all fall short of grace, but the beauty lives in the attempt.