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Sexuality was just the pen they used to write the story he needed to read again and again.
“I used to be afraid the universe was evil. Now I almost wish it was. Because evil can be bargained with, evil has a purpose, no matter how horrible it may be. But what I’ve come to realize is the universe is indifferent, and that is so much more terrifying,” she had said. As the plane taxied down the runway, Roman thought he disagreed with her assessment. The universe was both evil and indifferent. It was both horrific and idiotically apathetic. It
was like a god that strode through time and space full of anger and bereft of concern.
As a child he didn’t know the word nihilism, but over the years it had become the best way to describe his father’s worldview. Everything burns. His marriage, his friendships, his relationship with his children.
Fate is like a train roaring down the track. There are times you can beat that train and there are times that train plows right through you.
A realm that each child must one day traverse. A journey that takes you from seeing your parents as infallible to recognizing them as all too human. For most, that journey ends with a wistful kind of acceptance. We love our parents not because they are perfect but because they persevere despite their imperfections. We all fall short of grace, but the beauty lives in the attempt.
