What Got You Here Won't Get You There: How Successful People Become Even More Successful

by Marshall Goldsmith

If we aren’t careful, we can wind up treating people at work like dogs: Rewarding those who heap unthinking, unconditional admiration upon us. What behavior do we get in return? A virulent case of the suck-ups.

We should then rank our direct reports in three categories. First, how much do they like me? (I know you can’t be sure. What matters is how much you think they like you. Effective suckups are good actors. That’s what fawning is: acting.) Second, what is their contribution to the company and its customers? (In other words, are they A players, B, C, or worse?) Third, how much positive personal recognition do I give them?

If we’re honest with ourselves, our recognition of people may be linked to how much they seem to like us rather than how well they perform. That’s the definition of playing favorites.

Perhaps we find it painful to admit we were wrong (we rarely have to apologize for being right). Perhaps we find it humiliating to seek forgiveness (which suggests subservience). Perhaps we feel that apologizing forces us to cede power or control (actually the opposite is true).

As a Buddhist I believe that we reap what we sow. If you smile at people, they will smile back. If you ignore them, they will resent you. If you put your fate in their hands—i.e., cede power to them—they will reward you.

This experience instilled in me the conviction that if you put all your cards in someone else’s hands that person will treat you better than if you kept the cards to yourself.

The best thing about apologizing, I tell my clients, is that it forces everyone to let go of the past. In effect, you are saying, “I can’t change the past. All I can say is I’m sorry for what I did wrong. I’m sorry it hurt you. There’s no excuse for it and I will try to do better in the future. I would like you to give me any ideas about how I can improve.”

That’s the magic in this process. When you declare your dependence on others, they usually agree to help. And during the course of making you a better person, they inevitably try to become better people themselves. This is how individuals change, how teams improve, how divisions grow, and how companies become world-beaters.

The only time people actually see that you’re not listening to them is when you’re displaying extreme impatience. You want them to hurry up and get to the point. People notice that. And they rarely think better of you for it. You may as well be shouting, “Next!” at them.

people still have a tough time executing this rudimentary maneuver. Whether they’re receiving a helpful suggestion or unwanted advice or a nice compliment, they get confused about how to respond. They have too many options. They can dispute the comment, question it, fine-tune it, clarify it, criticize it, amplify it. They’ll do practically everything but the right thing: Say “Thank you.”

Tough shot, Mark!”—I’d recommend the same response. “Thank you. I’ll try to do better next time.”

Gratitude is a skill that we can never display too often.

Passing the buck is one of those terrifying hybrid flaws. Take a healthy dose of needing to win and making excuses. Mix it with refusing to apologize and failing to give proper recognition. Sprinkle in a faint hint of punish the messenger and getting angry. And what you end up with is passing the buck. Blaming others for our mistakes.

Each of us has a pile of behavior which we define as “me.” It’s the chronic behavior, both positive and negative, that we think of as our inalterable essence.

In its broadest form, goal obsession is the force at play when we get so wrapped up in achieving our goal that we do it at the expense of a larger mission. It comes from misunderstanding what we want in our lives. We think we’d be truly happy (or at least happier) if only we made more money, or lost thirty pounds, or got the corner office. So, we pursue those goals relentlessly.

They were chasing the spotlight. They were under pressure! They were in a hurry! They had deadlines! They were going to do something that they thought was important!

The journalist/novelist Tom Wolfe has a theory he calls information compulsion. He says that people have an overwhelming need to tell you something that you don’t know, even when it’s not in their best interest. Journalists would have a hard time surviving without information compulsion.

We all have an overwhelming need to display and share what we know. And we do it excessively.

Information and emotion. We either share them or withhold them.

Appropriate information is anything that unequivocally helps the other person.

The same with emotion. Love is often an appropriate emotion. Anger is not appropriate. But even saying “I love you” can be inappropriate if we employ it too often or at awkward moments. And conversely, anger can be a useful tool if we parse it out in small doses at opportune moments.

Until something better comes along, confidential

360-degree feedback is the best way for successful people to identify what they need to improve in their relationships at work.

Successful people only have two problems dealing with negative feedback. However, they are big problems: (a) they don’t want to hear it from us a...

Basically, we accept feedback that is consistent with our self-image and reject feedback that is inconsistent.

More than anything, negative feedback shuts us down. We close ranks, turn into our shell, and shut the world out. Change does not happen in this environment.

When I work with a coaching client, I always get confidential feedback from many of my client’s coworkers at the beginning of the process. The fewest I

have ever interviewed is eight and the most is thirty-one. My average is about fifteen.

What is my client doing right, what does my client need to change, and how my (already successful) client can get even better!

“I’m going to be working with my client for the next year or so. I don’t get paid if he doesn’t get better. ‘Better’ is not defined by me. It’s not defined by my client. ‘Better’ is defined by you and the other coworkers who will be involved in this process.”

I then present these coworkers with four requests. I call them The Four Commitments. I need them to commit to: 1. Let go of the past. 2. Tell the truth. 3. Be supportive and helpful—not cynical or negative. 4. Pick something to improve yourself—so everyone is focused more on “improving” than “judging.”

“Forgiveness means letting go of the hope for a better past!”

Fourth commitment: Will they pick one thing they can improve in themselves?

This is a rich and subtle dynamic, proving that change is not a one-way street. It involves two parties: the person who’s changing and the people who notice it.

think about that elevator ride every time someone asks me for my advice and then after I give it, they render a less-than-glowing verdict about the quality of my advice. “I can’t believe it,”

I say, with the lawyer’s words ringing in my ears. “You asked me for my opinion and now you’re arguing with me.” It’s no different than our behavior when we argue with someone who’s giving us advice, offering feedback, or otherwise trying to help us. And we do that every time we ask for feedback and unthinkingly respond by expressing our opinion.

When we ask a friend, “What do you think I should do in this situation?” we are setting up the expectation that we want an answer—and that we will give the answer full consideration and quite possibly use it. ...

The questions are simple. Does the executive in question: • Clearly communicate a vision. • Treat people with respect. • Solicit contrary opinions. • Encourage other people’s ideas. • Listen to other people in meetings.

three forms: Solicited, unsolicited, and observation.

In my experience the best solicited

feedback is confidential feedback.

To maintain the confidentiality (and avoid the emotionality) you need an unbiased third party to do the polling—someone like me.

In soliciting feedback for yourself, the only question that works—the only one!—must be phrased like this: “How can I do better?” Semantic variations are permitted, such as, “What can I do to be a better partner at home?” or, “What can I do to be a better colleague at work?” or, “What can I do to be a better leader

of this group?”

Pure unadulterated issue-free feedback that makes change possible has to (a) solicit advice rather than criticism, (b) be directed towards the future rather than obsessed with the negative past, and (c) be couched in a way that suggest...

1. It is a whole lot easier to see our problems in others than it is to see them in ourselves.

Even though we may be able to deny our problems to ourselves, they may be very obvious to the people who are observing us.

As human beings we almost always suffer from the disconnect between the self we think we are and the self that the rest of the world sees in us. The lesson that I learned from Dr. Tannenbaum is that the rest of the world usually has a more accurate perspective than we do.

I would direct business leads his way and go out of my way to bring deals to his