The River Is Waiting

by Wally Lamb

How could they fault me for that when I have a fucking prescription?

"Prescription" one of the biggest enablers for addicts and alcoholics..

mean yeah, I have been overdoing the booze and the benzos a little, and sure, I need to cut back. But I was in control when I put the car in reverse. It happened because the McNallys distracted me.

It's always someone else's fault

“I had tried AA before and was convinced it just didn’t work for me. But the only reason it didn’t was because I wanted to keep drinking. It’s amazing how we lie to everyone including ourselves.

This was my excuse my first try at sobriety.

Walking out of the building into a bright late-summer day, I feel a lightness in my step the likes of which I’ve not experienced here at Yates. Maybe it’s relief that I’ve been released from that medieval dungeon or maybe it’s because I’ve mustered the strength to resist getting back on that hamster wheel of dependence on benzos. My sobriety has held.

Love this! This is the feeling of ACCOMPLISHMENT! In early recovery the only thing we seem to know is failure. Noticing the HUGE milestone of consciously passing up drugs that you know could have helped you check out on reality is like a turning point in your recovery. Recovery is not over, not complete, but you are on a new page.

Having hope is kind of like praying. Like asking God for something and hoping He’ll hear you. But if you have an expectation, it’s more like a demand than a prayer. Like you’re saying, here’s what I expect, God, so make it happen for me. See? Like you’re the one who gets to give the orders.”

I’ll just take it this one last time so that, after that flashback I had, I can calm my nerves and get some sleep tonight. Then that will be it.

One is too many and a thousand is NEVER enough....