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The bike has dildo handlebars.
That's not something you see every day
Since Olivia moved to Happy Cat I’ve learned more about my chakras and my “energetic soul body” than I ever wanted to know.
“Honey, she had an entire truck of dicks-in-a-box delivered to Steve’s parents’ house, then posted a video on InstaChat of her playing Whack-a-Husband with a dildo. If that ain’t a mental breakdown—” “He was cheating on her with a sheep,” someone else in the crowd offers. “He earned that dildo beating.”
That's some fantastic imagery
“What we got goin’ on here, Ry?” “The lube exploded,” Olivia says. “I wasn’t inside the lab when it happened,” Ruthie May adds. “But if you ask me, it was probably a bad reaction between the eco-rubber in the self-lubricating butt plug and the lime in the mango-lime lube.”
Dildos just want to make you feel good, Cass. Dildos are our friends, unlike dicks attached to actual real life men. Cassie: I don’t think dildos have life goals, but I see your point.
“What ‘everyone knows.’” His lips twist in a smirk. “The person in the mirror is part of that too, isn’t it? People in this town like to tell you who you are. Makes thinking for yourself harder than it sounds.”
“I think it’s a date,” I whisper to the bottom of my glass of lemonade, but the lemonade does not respond. Because it’s lemonade.
“You always wear the most perfect shirts,” I say, nodding toward her Internet Was Down, So I Thought I’d Go Outside Today tee shirt.
“What does that mean?” I ask. “The bee’s knees.” “Fantastic. Excellent. The very best.” I pause with my hand on the screen door. She looks up to find me staring and I smile. “I think you’re the bee’s knees, Cassandra Sunderwell.”
“You’re pretty bee’s knees yourself, O’Dell. But don’t let it go to your head.” I grin. “Yes, ma’am.” But it’s too late. It’s already gone to my head, and my brain is throwing a decidedly premature “Cassie digs us” party.
“You really should know better than to insult a person’s size. We short people are notoriously crazy when we’re angry. Just look at Napoleon. Genghis Khan. Tom Cruise.”
I truly cannot imagine a better De-Virginizer showing up in my life. I don’t want to let this chance pass me by. Savannah: The De-Virginizer. Ew. It sounds like the Terminator—I’ll be back! In your vagina!
“No, George,” Cassie murmurs sleepily. “You can pick your friends and you can pick your nose, but you can’t pick your friend’s nose.”
You’re riding the post-orgasm train to Relaxation Station. Aren’t you?!
Because I’m falling in love with her, and love takes pleasure and makes it magic. Makes it sacred.
Falling in love was the easy part. Fighting for love is harder than I ever imagined it could be. Because this fight isn’t about putting up my fists, it’s about letting down my walls and being vulnerable with this man who means so much to me. A man I now know without a doubt holds my heart in his hands. He could break me. So easily. Be he also makes me whole.
