Hosed (Happy Cat #1)

by Pippa Grant

Hank dives, Jojo yelps, and I snag a handlebar before I realize what I’m grabbing. A dildo. The bike has dildo handlebars.

One minute, I’m mixing everything just fine, and the next, poof! Lube fire.”

“Honey, she had an entire truck of dicks-in-a-box delivered to Steve’s parents’ house, then posted a video on InstaChat of her playing Whack-a-Husband with a dildo. If that ain’t a mental breakdown—” “He was cheating on her with a sheep,” someone else in the crowd offers. “He earned that dildo beating.”

You are unicorn hair plaited in a beautiful braid, sprinkled with sugar and sunshine.

Dildos just want to make you feel good, Cass. Dildos are our friends, unlike dicks attached to actual real life men.

Cassie: The sign is a sun having an orgasm. Savannah: She is not. She’s just happy!

I therefore won’t have to worry about how good he smells or how fine he looks or the way my heart makes like a fainting goat every time he shoots one of his signature sex-eye stares my way.

He tosses the penis lollipops like they’re last year’s hard drives and he has his eye on this year’s double-core processors.

“Put the anal beads back and stay out of Savannah’s trash,” he continues.