Terror at the Gates (Blood of Lilith, #1)

by Scarlett St. Clair

We were not responsible for lust in men. We existed, and they desired. Sometimes that desire was mutual. Sometimes it wasn’t, but men had a hard time wrapping their dicks around the word no, and since our world valued them more, we were the ones who suffered.

“She treats your territory like she owns it,” Cassius said when I stepped outside the holding room. “That is how Lilith treats the world,” I replied.

“Where’s Coco?” I asked, looking around him like she might be trailing behind, but no one was there. “Why would I bring your friend to a crime scene?” he asked. “Don’t call it a crime scene! I didn’t murder anyone.” The corner of his mouth lifted. “I’m so glad you find this amusing,” I said, crossing my arms over my chest. “I don’t find this amusing,” he said. “I find you amusing.”

“Are you going to let me have that knife back?” “No.” “Zahariev,” I said, turning toward him. “I need—” “I’ll take care of it,” he said, cutting me off. “I don’t want your help,” I said. “I want to do this myself.” I needed to, for reasons he wouldn’t understand. “I know you want to,” he said, meeting my gaze. “But right now, you can’t, so let me take care of it.” I appreciated his offer, truly. There was comfort in knowing that he would help me if things got bad, but I was capable, and I wanted to earn my living. “If you would just let me work—” “Lilith, we have been through this.” “No one has to know,” I said. “Isiah didn’t know me!” “And look where that got him,” Zahariev countered. “Where did it get him, Zahariev?” “In the fucking ground,” he said. “You didn’t.” A twinge of guilt turned my stomach. “We have rules in Nineveh, Lilith. You know them well. He threatened you. He touched you. He gave up his life. Imagine the bodies that would pile up if you danced for me.” “Those rules don’t apply when I work for you.” “That’s the problem, isn’t it?” “Fuck you,” I said. I’d come here to escape one prison, and he wanted to put me in another. “You might not pay me, but that doesn’t mean other men won’t.”

“Praise, two p.m.,” he said, removing his foot from the door. My eyes widened, and a flush of adrenaline raced from the pit of my stomach to my chest. “You mean it?” I asked. “I never say things I don’t mean,” he said and started to walk away but paused to look back at me. “Let me know if you lose your nerve. I hate wasting my time.” I glared. “Why would I lose my nerve?” “Because,” he said. “You’re going to dance for me.”

“That girl’s gonna be the death of you,” said Felix. I didn’t need to be told something I already knew. “The owner of this apartment complex,” I said. “Find out where he lives. We’re going for a visit.”

Beware she who bleeds, bound in chains. Beware the exile, the young winged beast, who dances unafraid before fire. Beware the woman with many names, the maiden, the whore, the scarlet serpent. Beware the temptress who whispers in the dark. She is the beginning and the end. She is peace and chaos. She is terror knocking at the gates.

“Maybe he doesn’t like the idea of other men looking at you,” said Coco. My laugh sounded more like a scoff; that was ludicrous. “If that were true, Zahariev wouldn’t have let me parade around his clubs and use my magic to prey on male lust for the last two years,” I said. “He’s worried about what the commission will say when they find out a daughter of House Leviathan is dancing in a club on Sinners’ Row.” Not to mention the war he would start with my dad. “He doesn’t seem like the type to care about authority,” said Coco, moving into the kitchen, which was open to the living room. There

I’m not asking you to pay me back, he said. I’ll see you at 2, little love. My face grew hot. I wasn’t sure which part of his message I was reacting to: the reminder that I was going to dance for him in an hour or the nickname he insisted on using.

“Do you have something against Zahariev?” I asked. “No,” he replied. “Unless he touches you. Then I’ll kill him.” His threat sent a chill down my spine, even though it was unnecessary. My father might have asked Zahariev to watch over me, but he did so because he had no choice. He didn’t trust the head of the Zareth family with me, his only child and heiress of the Leviathan family. That was what he was really trying to protect: his empire. “You can stop planning his murder, Dad,” I said. “Zahariev isn’t ever going to touch me.”

“It’s a warning,” he said, his voice hushed. “Here we go,” said Cassius with a hint of annoyance. I ignored him. “A warning from who, Tori?” When he looked at me again, the kid was gone. A different person stared back at me, a man who was seeing something beyond this world. “The gods,” he said, his voice firm and unwavering. “Can’t you hear them? They are knocking at the gates.”

Zahariev was waiting. He stood, looking deep in thought, with a cigarette pinched between his fingers. His brows were furrowed, his mouth tight, a sign he was displeased with something—usually me. His gaze shifted to mine when he heard the door close. He rarely let it trail my body, but today, he gave me a cold once-over. “Is that outfit part of your routine?” he asked. “Fuck off,” I said, smoothing my pencil skirt. “You know I had lunch with my dad.” He smiled and took a drag from his cigarette. “How is he?” Zahariev asked. “More desperate than ever to have me home,” I said. I let my eyes narrow. “Do you know something I don’t?” “I’m sure Lisk is putting pressure on him,” said Zahariev, smoke drifting from his mouth as he spoke. “They want you married.” “No one’s going to marry me,” I said. “I’ve ruined my reputation.” “You underestimate man’s desire for power,” said Zahariev. “Is the church pressuring you to marry?” “No, though the commission likes to suggest potential brides every time we meet.” “Like who?” I asked. I didn’t like the jealousy that roared to life inside me at the thought of Zahariev getting married. I told myself it was because there was no chance the woman chosen for him would approve of me. His selection was limited to the second and third daughters of the other three families, and none of those women liked me. “I bet Victor put Violet forward. Don’t marry her. She’s a bitch.” Zahariev raised a brow and took another drag from his cigarette. “Are you re...

“Praise isn’t a strip club,” he said. “It’s the only reason I’m considering letting you dance here.” “I’m not stupid, Zahariev,” I said. The brief attraction I’d felt toward him vanished. I reached into my bag for a pair of thigh-high stockings. I balanced on one foot as I rolled one up my leg and then the other. “I’m not calling you stupid,” he said, putting out his cigarette. “What do you call telling me something I already know?” I asked. “A warning,” he said. “What makes you think I’d strip for anyone?” “Let’s not pretend you wouldn’t do just about anything to fuck with me,” he said. “You do realize I make decisions all the time without thinking about how you will react,” I said, retrieving my heels from my bag, the final piece of my outfit. I slipped my foot inside one, using the table in front of Zahariev to buckle them. “I do,” he said. “Which is why I am telling you now, before we do this, there is no bend to these rules, Lilith. You do what I say, or you don’t work at all.” I could feel myself coiling up inside like a snake. The reaction was automatic. I didn’t like being told what to do, but that was why Zahariev was warning me. He knew my rebellious streak wasn’t a streak. It was just part of my personality. “Yes, daddy,,” I said, my voice thick with sarcasm. Zahariev’s jaw ticked, but the corner of his mouth lifted, eyes gleaming darkly. “Good girl,” he praised, his voice low and rough. He sat back, crossing one leg over the other. “Now dance for me.”

“You know, my brother has fucked a lot of other women, and none of them act like they own his territory the way you do.” “I haven’t fucked your brother,” I said. His gaze swept down my body. “Whatever you say, Lili-Billie.”

I looked at Esther. “I don’t know how you put up with him.” “The same way you put up with Zahariev,” she said. “I ignore Zahariev,” I said. “Exactly.”

Beware, goddess of night, Mother of the moon. There is poison on your tongue, Venom in your blood. Lie upon my altar, Bleed upon my steps. Release me from these bindings, Break down these carmine gates.

“You okay?” Zahariev asked, his voice low, almost a whisper between us. It dripped down my spine, making me shiver. “Yeah,” I said, blowing out a long breath, trying to suppress the nausea roiling in my stomach. “Lilith.” I tilted my head back, meeting Zahariev’s gaze. “What?” One side of his mouth lifted. “I just want you to look me in the eyes when you lie.” I glared at him. “I want to be all right, okay?” His expression softened. “It’s okay to not be okay.” “It doesn’t feel that way,” I said. I let my head rest against his chest. His laugh was quiet. “That’s because you do not like to be contained.” He paused and then added, “Most wild things don’t.” I pulled away. “Are you calling me an animal?” His quiet chuckle warmed my chest. “No. Let’s go.”

“Your old man give you the talk?” he asked. “The talk?” “Who’s your friend, who’s not,” he said. As he spoke, smoke poured from his mouth. My eyes widened a little. “How did you know?” His smile didn’t waver. “It’s a rite of passage,” he said. “Ten bucks says I’m not on his list.” I hesitated, and his smile widened. He didn’t need an answer from me. I rubbed my arms. “It’s stupid,” I said. “I don’t want fake friends.” “Then don’t make them,” he said. I have to, I wanted to say. It wasn’t a suggestion; it was an order. But I stopped myself. “You said you had the same talk? Was I on your father’s list?” Zahariev dropped his cigarette, grinding it into the earth with his foot. He took a few steps toward me. At the time, holding his gaze as he approached had been the bravest thing I’d ever done. “Yeah,” he said. “You were on a list. Untouchable.”

I’d been taken to Archbishop Alarich Lisk. My stomach churned, stirring the anxiety that had roared to life as soon as I met his watery blue eyes. I couldn’t look at him without thinking of all the terrible things he’d done to me since the moment my mom allowed him to be alone with me. And I knew by the feel of his own lust he did too.

“I think you have forgotten that my power exceeds that of the families,” said Lisk. “Do not forget that you have been allowed this rebellious streak. It is a privilege granted to you by me. Your father bought you another year, but your time is up, Miss Leviathan. Return to your family, or there will be consequences.” I held my breath and glared at him, eyes blurring with tears. I hoped he couldn’t tell. I hated how I wilted before him. Lisk’s gaze shifted to the man beside me. “Take her back to where you found her,” he ordered. I tensed as the man tightened his hold, preparing to drag me to the car, when Lisk added, “And, Lilith. Let this be a reminder that not even Zahariev can protect you.”

He was on the phone, rubbing his forehead with his thumb and forefinger like he had a headache. Or like I was his headache. It was probably the latter.

Dark mother, Reverent queen, Wear your darkness like a shroud. Make your descent through crimson caves, Coil at their tangled roots. Drink sweetly from the grail, The holy blood, the venom, the ecstasy of night. Awaken the sacred fire and rise to strike, Unleash your fury, your eternal wail. Break these chains, these binding gates.

“Do you ever wonder why Zahariev drops everything for you?” “Coco—” I didn’t want to go down this road. I knew what she was going to suggest. “Zahariev,” she interrupted. “Zahariev freaking Zareth, the literal head of the most powerful family in Eden. The man probably has drugs to sell—” “Zahariev doesn’t sell drugs,” I said. “People to kill,” she continued. I didn’t argue with that one. “But you lose your key, and he’s here to break down doors for you?” “It was one door,” I said, and it was more than a lost key, but I didn’t say that. “And yes, because he made a deal with my father to watch out for me.” And Zahariev obliges because he likes leverage. I wasn’t about to get it twisted. “I’ve seen the way he looks at you, Lilith,” said Coco. “He looks at me because he’s watching, probably to see if I’m going to steal.” Coco shook her head. “No, Lily. That man wants to fuck.” I almost laughed. “Coco, I know when men want to fuck me. You know what radiates from Zahariev ninety-nine percent of the time? Annoyance.” “Doesn’t mean that one percent isn’t aroused by you,” she countered. “Admit it. You’ve thought about fucking him.” “Everyone’s thought about fucking him,” I said. “But have you?” “Of course I have!” I said, frustrated. My face flushed. I felt like I’d confessed some deep, dark secret, but really, I just didn’t like admitting that I lusted after Zahariev out loud. I took a breath and shook my head. “I mean, look at him. He’s fucking hot. You’ve probably thought about ...

“Trust me, I’ve tried to get a rise out of Zahariev. I like fucking with him. He never bites.” I wasn’t sure what I would do if he ever did, honestly. We had known each other so long…would we remain friends, or would it tear us apart? Maybe I didn’t want to find out. “He will one day,” she said. “When you want him to.” My brows lowered. When I want him to?

“When did you get a cat?” he asked. “Apparently this morning,” I said. “Coco brought her home sometime last night.” “Are you keeping her?” “I…don’t know,” I said, glancing at him. He held out his hand as if to pet her but hesitated. “Can I?” I nodded. She was so small, he could only stroke her with the tip of his finger. “She’s beautiful,” he said, meeting my gaze again.

“You have a pretty mouth, little love, but you say the ugliest things.”

“Keep the cat,” he said. “Learn to let someone love you.”

Smoking kept my mind busy. Occupied. Without it, I craved other things. Untouchable things.

“I heard you touched my girl,” I said. She wasn’t mine. She wasn’t anyone’s. But I was the dealer of her justice. Her vengeance was mine. “I didn’t know she was yours, man.” His voice quivered. “I didn’t mean anything by it!” This one was called Christian. Christian Masters. He was number three. The fourth would be here soon.

“You know,” Cassius said, “you could have just asked one of us to take the battery out.” I didn’t look at him as I stuck out my arm and flipped him off. “Your girl’s a fucking menace,” Cassius said. “I’m not his girl,” I snapped. “And you’re the fucking menace.” Cassius’s lips twitched. I wanted to claw his eyes out. He downed what was left of his coffee. “I’m going to go smoke.” “What kind of monster smokes before meeting a baby?” I asked. “Any normal person would need a fucking cigarette after dealing with you,” said Cassius. “Why do you think Zahariev smokes so much?” “Cassius,” Zahariev snapped. “Take a walk.” “On it, boss,” he said, offering a mock salute.

“If you haven’t introduced him to Hassenaah, maybe you should. They can bond over how much they hate me.” “Why do you think Cassius and Hassenaah hate you?” he asked. “Because they think I’m an ungrateful, spoiled brat,” I said. “And Hassenaah wants to fuck you, or maybe she has fucked you and she can’t shake it. I don’t really know.” “Cassius doesn’t hate you,” said Zahariev. “He thinks you distract me. He hates that.” “Sounds like the same fucking thing,” I said. Zahariev didn’t respond to that. Instead, he changed the subject. “Would you like me to fire Hassenaah?” I turned to look at him, surprised he would ask. “You can’t,” I said. “Coco loves her.” “I can do whatever I want,” he said. “Yeah, except they would both know you fired her because of me, and I don’t want that kind of reputation.” Zahariev raised a brow. “What reputation is that?” “If you swoop in to save me every time something goes wrong, I’m just going to look like a rat, and everything they say about me will be true.”

I gave Zahariev the most withering look I could muster before I left the room, discovering Cassius waiting outside. “How long have you been out here?” I asked. “Since I left,” he said. “I didn’t want to walk in on something I would never be able to erase from my memory.” “I wish I could erase you from my memory,” I muttered.

“Lily,” Zahariev warned, his voice low and rough. My fingers tightened in his hair. “I thought I told you not to call me that.” “Everyone calls you Lily,” he said. “My friends call me Lily,” I said. “Am I not your friend?” he asked. I rocked my hips, reminding him of our current circumstances. Zahariev’s breath hitched. “Are you interested in fucking your friends?” I asked. His hands shifted, spanning my rib cage. It was like he wanted to put distance between us but couldn’t gather the courage to do so. Selfish prick. “I didn’t mean for this to happen.” I blinked, my hold on him lessening. “Are you saying you didn’t mean to get hard?” He stared at me, his mouth tight, his body rigid. “Why are you making this so difficult? You know this can’t happen.” “I’m not making it difficult,” I said. “You act like this has to mean something. Sex can just be sex.” He’d fucked plenty of women with those same expectations. The only thing keeping him from doing the same with me was my name. Zahariev released me and took a step back. I watched as he shut down whatever part of him had given in to temptation. That cold stab of rejection brought me back to reality. I bolted for the bedroom.

You act like this has to mean something. Fucking brat. She meant everything.

“How am I supposed to do this?” I asked. “What do you mean?” “Go home. How do I go back to normal?” “No one is expecting you to go back to normal,” he said. “You go home, you sleep. You wake up in a different world. People will tell you it gets easier, but it never does. There are good days, and there are days when the pain hits like a fucking freight train.” I swallowed around the thickness gathering in my throat. Zahariev had never talked to me about losing his father, but listening to him now, I suddenly realized how hard it must have been. Not only had he lost his father, but he’d immediately succeeded him as head of his family. “What do you do then?” I asked, looking up at him. “When the pain hits that bad?” Zahariev’s eyes dropped to mine. “I just suffer through it until it’s over,” he said. “It’s just life, little love.” “If this is life, then I don’t know that I want to live it.” “Don’t say that.” “Why not? I mean it. What am I even doing, Zahariev? I came here to escape a life I can’t escape. Eventually, I will have to go home. I’ll have to marry some asshole my dad chose just so he can stick his dick in me. All women in our world are just glorified breeding machines.” Zahariev’s jaw popped. I wasn’t sure which part he was reacting to, but I didn’t imagine he liked being called a breeder any more than I liked being called a machine. He knew his responsibility was the same—produce heirs, carry on the line. “Promise me something,” he said, still watching me. “What?”...

With Lilith safely on her way home, I pulled out my phone and placed a call to Dr. Mor. “It’s early for you, Zahariev,” he said. “Yeah, well, it’s been a long night,” I said. “I need you to arrange pickup of Esther Pomeroy from Nineveh General Hospital within the hour. We need a full autopsy.” I could feel the shock in the silence that answered. “Of course.” He didn’t ask what happened. He’d know soon enough. “And those samples you took from Burke’s corpse, ” I added before hanging up. “The jellylike substance?” “Yes?” “I know what it is.”

“You recognize them? They all have one thing in common with you. They hurt someone under my protection.” Someone very important to me, I thought. Lisk remained silent, almost stoic. I shifted closer, placing a hand on his shoulder, leaning close. “I know your secret,” I said, my fingers tightening, digging into his skin. “If you harm one hair on her head, I’ll end you.” I took a step back, holding his gaze. It was as though his crimes had suddenly caught up with him. They pulled at his face, aging him. “And just so we’re clear, that’s not a threat. It’s a promise.”

“Can I help you?” he asked in a firm tone. I smiled at him. “Just going for a little stroll.” “Not around here,” he said. “You can just stroll back the way you came.” “Someone’s grumpy,” I said. The man frowned at me. He wasn’t going to make this easy. “You wanna pet my pussycat? It might make you feel better.” The man’s eyes widened and then narrowed as I parted my jacket to reveal Cherub sitting stoically in her sling. “I’m allergic.” He scowled and then pointed down the darkened road from where I’d come. “Go.” I scratched behind Cherub’s ear, never taking my eyes off him. “Maybe you aren’t allergic to pussycats,” I said. “Maybe pussycats are allergic to you.”

“This blade is one of seven.” “Seven?” I asked, surprised. “You’re telling me there are seven of those motherfuckers floating around?” “Yours is the only one floating around,” she said. “Three are with the church. They used to have four. I suspect the one you possess now was stolen from them.”

“If we remake the Deliverer,” she said, “we can free the true gods.” I sat in confused silence. “Why would we do that?” I asked. “Because they have promised to serve us if we can open the Seventh Gate.” “How can they make promises when they are trapped beneath a mountain?” “I told you we are witches,” she said. “They have chosen us to save them.” I laughed. I couldn’t help it. “You’re serious? Can’t you hear yourself? You sound just like the Elohai who claimed to be prophets.” She scowled. “We are not like them. They enslaved us.” “How do you know it is a god who speaks to you from under the mountain? It could be…anything.” “You sound like a woman raised in the church,” she said. I clenched my jaw. “Has it ever occurred to you that the prophets who wrote the Book of Splendor warned us against communicating with unknown entities so we would not heed the pleas of our true gods?” “As plausible as that might be, how can you trust their word?” “Faith,” said Saira. I scoffed. “I’m not interested in the belief required for faith.” “Then believe in a world where we are not subservient to men.”

If there were really gods behind the Seventh Gate, what was behind the other six? The church had always said the second, third, and fifth gates held fire and the first, fourth, and sixth gates held water. Supposedly, during Armageddon, the gates on the west would open first and release fire, destroying the world. After, the gates on the east would open to cleanse the world with water, and an era of peace would follow. But was that true or did something far darker lay locked behind them?

“If you want to meet the members of the Order of the Serpent,” she said, “meet me here in four days, on the night of the new moon, not a minute past midnight.”

“Eve,” she called, and I paused, turning to look at her. “There is no future where this world doesn’t end. The sooner you accept that, the better off you’ll be, but hurry. Time is running out.” Well, that was fucking cryptic. “I think the jade’s kicked in, Saira,” I said, turning away, hugging Cherub close. “You might wanna hydrate.” I couldn’t hear what she said as I left, but I didn’t really care. Her warning was enough. If her intention was to scare me, it had worked. I was terrified.

“And tonight?” he asked. “Where were you?” “You know where I was,” I said. “You weren’t at the port this whole time. What did you do with the jade, Lilith?” “I don’t think you have time for the explanation that requires,” I said. “For you, I have all the time in the world.” “Well, I don’t. I want to sleep,” I said. “Sleep,” he said. “I’ll be here when you wake up.”

“He’ll be at the gala tomorrow night,” I said. “Should we make it interesting and ask?” “I don’t think he’ll talk without some encouragement,” said Zahariev. “I could make him,” I said. The suggestion hung heavily between us. I couldn’t lie; it made me sick to think about. It meant that I would have to harness the desire this man—this monster—had for me, the same desire he’d had for me when I was a child. But now I could use it against him. I could ruin him. “No,” Zahariev said, his voice firm and final. “Why not?” I asked. I felt a little defensive about how quickly he shot me down. “It’s the quickest way to get the truth and not as messy.” “Maybe I want to punch him in the face,” said Zahariev. “And I’m not letting you do that.” “Letting?” Oh, I hated that word. “I won’t ask,” he said. “You aren’t. I’m offering.” “Lilith—” “Zahariev—” “I said no!” he roared. My spine straightened, and as I blinked away my shock at having been yelled at by Zahariev, I watched as he squeezed his eyes shut and covered his face with his hand. “That man,” he said, but his voice broke, so he stopped and tried again. “That man hurt you. I couldn’t protect you from him then, but I can now, and I refuse—” He paused again and swallowed. “I refuse.”

“Can I ask you a question?” He paused with his hand on the door and looked at me, waiting. “I know you fuck,” I said. “So why not me?” I expected some speech about the importance of our roles and the value of the system our forefathers created. It was bullshit, lofty language with no substance, like our religion, and we both knew it. But that wasn’t the path he took. “You really want to know?” he asked. I tried not to fidget, but it was difficult beneath his stare. It was like he’d let his mask drop, and the force of his desire hit me hard. Or maybe I was just horny. “Someday I will have to watch you marry another man, and it will be far easier to do if I never fuck you.”

That was a lie. It was never going to be easy.

“You’re such a daddy.” “You only get to call me that when you behave,” he said. My gaze snapped back to him. His expression was serious, which made me feel like he wasn’t joking. “The day I behave is the day you fuck me, Zahariev,” I said. “Two things that will never happen.” He raised a brow and handed me the bottle. “Not in front of the baby.”

“Maybe you should do this if you’re such an expert,” I said. “You’ll have to learn someday.” “Why?” I asked. “I’m not having children.” At least, that was my goal if I managed to stay in Nineveh. “What makes you so sure?” “Why does everyone want to argue when a woman says she’s not getting married and she doesn’t want children?” “I’m not arguing,” he said. “I just asked a question.” “I wouldn’t make a good mother, Zahariev,” I said. The question frustrated me. The answer was obvious. “Mine isn’t exactly a great role model.” “That’s what will make you a great mother,” he said. “Your desire to be better than her.” “Do you want to be a father?” I asked pointedly, but the question didn’t seem to bother him the way it bothered me. “Maybe,” he said. “If I find the right woman.” I scoffed. “You think you can find the right woman when your marriage is going to be arranged?”

“You might try to burp him,” said Zahariev, changing the subject, though I wasn’t surprised. He didn’t like when I talked about marriage. Guess we were even. “I don’t know how to do that,” I said. Zahariev stared before rising to sit beside me. “Give him here,” he said. I didn’t know how to hand off a baby, but Zahariev acted like he’d done this a million times, slipping one hand under his head and the other beneath his bundled legs. He sat him up, his large hand splayed across Liam’s chest as he patted his back until he made a quiet gurgling sound. “There you go,” he said, chuckling quietly. After, he cradled Liam in his arm. It was a sight, and suddenly, my uterus didn’t even belong to me. I wouldn’t say I wanted a baby, but I definitely wanted to fuck, and if Zahariev were mine, I’d jump his bones the second we were alone. I looked away.