Terror at the Gates (Blood of Lilith, #1)

by Scarlett St. Clair

“I love you like a brother,” said Gabriel once the door was closed. “Which is why I am telling you this. Lilith deserves commitment.” “I know what she deserves,” I said. “I’m just not sure she wants it.” You act like this has to mean something, she’d said the night Esther died. Sex can just be sex. “Maybe she doesn’t think that’s possible with you,” said Gabriel. I ground my teeth. That was exactly what she thought, because it was true, but I would break every rule for her if she said she wanted more.

“Can you zip this for me?” I didn’t wait for him to respond. I just gave him my back, shivering slightly as his knuckles brushed against my spine. He was finished in seconds, and I turned, intending to thank him, but the way he was looking at me produced a different response. “What?” I asked. My first thought was that he hated the bangs, but then his gaze dropped, lingering on the plunge of my neckline and the curve of my hips, which were exaggerated by the fit of this dress. Zahariev never looked at me this way. That he was doing so now, and so openly, made my stomach coil tight. “You look nice,” he said when his gaze finally returned to mine. I raised a brow, challenging that word. “That’s the best you can do? Your jaw’s on the floor, Zahariev.” He smiled, tugging gently at my bangs. “I like them,” he said. The compliment made me blush. But simultaneously, I wondered if he was lying. “Thank you,” I said, realizing I hadn’t even registered his appearance.

When I returned, Zahariev stood in the middle of my living room, cradling Cherub, massaging a spot on her chest. Her head flopped toward me, and I pursed my lips. “You are such a tease,” I said. “Me or the cat?” Zahariev asked. “The fact that you had to ask for clarification says a lot.”

“How dare you embarrass me,” she hissed. “Arriving on the arm of Zahariev Zareth and in that dress!” “And to think I praised you for being such a supportive mother,” I said. “You are not the child I raised.” I flinched and looked at her, the corner of my mouth lifting in a snide smile. “Do you know what’s funny?” I said, jerking my arm from her hold. “I am the child you raised.” “Lower your voice!” she hissed. I ignored her command. “But you can’t accept that,” I said. “Because it would mean that you are to blame for the person I’ve become. What would people think if they really knew the pious matriarch of the prestigious Leviathan family gave life to a demon?” My mother slapped me.

“Could it be that instead of turning people toward God, you spent all your time with Zahariev Zareth?” I glanced at him but didn’t let his question stall me. He wasn’t smiling, but I got the sense he was proud of himself for catching me in what he thought was a lie. “Zahariev is a good friend,” I said. “Is that how you’re choosing to describe your relationship?” I paused as we came to the top of the steps and turned fully toward him. I wanted to push him down the stairs. I still might, depending on what he said next. “I don’t see how my relationship with Zahariev concerns you, Mr. Caiaphas,” I said. “I think it’s my right to ask my future wife if she’s fucking the head of the Zareth family, don’t you think?” I went cold, staring at him in disbelief. “Excuse me?” Macarius’s lips lifted in a mocking half smile. “You should run along,” he said. “You don’t want to keep your father waiting.”

“I will secure the future of my legacy,” he said. His tone was firm and final. “You have known your duty since you were young. The time you spent away has muddled your mind.” “You wish my mind was muddled,” I spat. “Watch your tone,” he said, the words slipping between gritted teeth. “Or what? Are you going to hit me? Go ahead. I barely flinch anymore.” My father paled. I’d chipped away at some of his hard edges. “You’ve spent the last two years lying to everyone. You told the archbishop I was just going through a phase. You promised him I would return and witness for him, but you never asked me why I left.” “You and your mother weren’t getting along, I thought it best—” “Don’t tell me why you think I left,” I snapped. “Ask me.” He stared. It was probably hard for a man so used to getting his way to take orders from a woman, especially his daughter. “Ask me!” I screamed. He cleared his throat. “Why did you leave?” His voice cracked. I straightened, refusing to cower. “I left because your beloved archbishop raped me,” I said. “I left because you never once considered that maybe the reason I’d wavered in my faith was because the man in charge of it had touched me. I left because I didn’t trust you to protect me. You never have. Not from Mom, not from the church, and not from this fucking world.” “Lilith—” He whispered my name, a desperate plea, but I couldn’t stand it and cut him off, shouting. “Two years! Two years and all you thought about was who would succeed you, becaus...

“You want me to do something about it?” he asked. “You can’t,” I said. “Not without starting a war.” “I would go to war for you,” he said. I ceased breathing, thinking that I’d misheard him. I pulled back and met his gaze. He was usually so composed, but there was something unfiltered in the way he looked at me now—a raw confession of devotion. “What did you say?” His mouth lifted in a soft half smile as he swept his thumb over the edge of my lips. “I would go to war for you,” he said again. “I would fight endlessly to keep you if that’s what you wanted.” Again, I felt the threat of tears, but for a very different reason. I couldn’t ask this of him. War was serious, far too serious to be fought over one rebellious daughter. I couldn’t bear the burden of lost lives. “I am not worth everything you would lose, Zahariev,” I said. “You are worth it,” he said. “But I’ll wait until you ask.”

Beware the serpent and his poisonous tongue. He will take your flesh on the steps of your altar. He will lie in your crimson blood. Beware the deceiver and his silver tongue. He will turn your temple into his monument. Beware the awakening, the heat of this fire. It will bind you beneath bleeding gates.

Hold me tighter, Zahariev, she’d said. If I did, could I keep her from breaking?

“Behave,” he said. My eyes instantly narrowed. “You don’t have what it takes to make me.” He maintained that infuriating half smile as he moved his hand to my throat, squeezing lightly. My body straightened, uncoiling eagerly beneath his hold. “You sure about that, little love?” he asked. “You have yet to prove otherwise,” I said. I deserved a fucking medal for challenging this man under these conditions. He was still smiling, but there was something harder about it. It was a good sign, a weakness in his armor. “You are such a brat,” he said, his eyes locked on my lips. “I think you like it,” I said. I braced my hands against the bed, using the leverage to inch closer. “I think it makes you hard.” “I like it,” he said. “You know what makes me harder? When you obey.” He bent forward and kissed my forehead, increasing the pressure on my throat ever so slightly before pulling away. “I’ll see you later, little love,” he said. There was a note of amusement in his voice as he strolled to the door. Unfortunately, my reply came after he closed the door. “You’re pretty smug for a man with a boner,” I said aloud, though I was being just as arrogant considering how he’d left me. I didn’t know what stunned me more, that he’d actually acknowledged out loud I aroused him or the way he’d communicated his desire to dominate me. Maybe what surprised me most of all was how badly I wanted it.

As we were finishing up, I heard the front door open, and I bolted from the dining room into the foyer, thinking that Zahariev had arrived, but it was Cassius. I stopped dead in my tracks. “Ugh. What are you doing back?” I asked. “Apparently, I am a glorified errand boy,” he said. “Zahariev sent me to return your phone, but maybe I should keep it since you don’t appreciate the deliverer.” I narrowed my eyes. “I take nudes with that phone.” Cassius sighed as he reached into his pocket. “Just another thing I didn’t need to know about you.”

“So what are you going to do?” Cassius asked. “Ask her what she wants,” Zahariev said. “You’re going to ask her?” he repeated. “Zahariev, this is a decision you should make. You are the head of this fucking family.” “I have decided. You just don’t like it.” “Because I know what she will choose, and then we’ll be at war over a fucking woman who decided she was too good for her own family.”

“Your mother isn’t dead, Lilith,” said Zahariev. “She’s missing.” The blood drained from my face. “What do you mean she’s missing?” “Her remains weren’t in the house,” he said. “Then where is she?” I demanded. “We don’t know,” he said. “Maybe she was taken by whoever planted the bomb in your father’s office.” I shook my head. “The bomb was planted on Lisk’s orders. If anything, he would have…” I went quiet as the realization hit home. My mother did everything Lisk asked, believed everything he said. He would never risk losing such a devout follower, especially one with magic. If anything, he would have protected her.

“Would you ever consider teaching me to drive?” I asked. Zahariev glanced at me. “I’d teach you,” he said. “But let me buy a helmet first.” “Fuck off,” I said, pushing him. He chuckled, laughing at his own joke.

“You gonna stab me?” he asked. “Would it make you talk?” “I guess it depends on how you used it,” he said. I stared and then shoved the blade into its sheath before sliding it onto the table behind me. “You are a coward, Zahariev.” His jaw ticked and his eyes darkened. “If I were a coward, I would have walked away from you a long time ago.” “You think you’re brave for handling me?” “No one handles you, Lilith,” he said. “Good fucking luck to the man who tries.” My eyes burned, but I couldn’t tell if it was with rage or pain. Maybe it was both. “I don’t want another man to try,” I said. My face flushed so hot, I thought I might pass out. “I want you.”

“I can’t ever seem to get under your skin.” Just fucking once, I wanted to know what it was like for this man to lose control. His brows rose slightly as he crept close, crowding me. I tilted my head back to maintain his gaze, the only part of us that was connected. “You don’t think you are under my skin?” His voice set my heart on fire. Slowly, he threaded his fingers into my hair, tightening his hold at the base of my skull. I let out an audible breath. “You don’t think I carry you wherever I go? You are unshakable. A menace. Sometimes, I think I would do anything to fuck it out of you, this goddamn defiance, even though it won’t work. Even though it’s what I adore most about you. I guess I just think it would be fun to try.” I smiled, soft and teasing, though inside I felt like I was melting, and let my gaze drop to his lips, whispering, “Then maybe you should.”

“I knew you’d be greedy,” he said, brushing his thumb over my pouting lips. “But I’m going down first.” “Who made you the boss?” I asked as he kneeled on the floor beside the bed. “In this room,” he said, jerking me toward him, “I’m always the boss of you.”

“How many times have you gotten off to the thought of me?” I asked. “More than you could count,” he said, teasing my opening with the tip of his dick. I let my head fall back as I closed my eyes. “Zahariev,” I whined. I just wanted him inside me again. “I love the way you say my name,” he said. “Only when I’m begging though, right?” “No,” he said, staring down at me. “I love it all the time, even when you’re pissed. Especially when you’re pissed. It makes me hard. It makes me want to fuck you.”

“I’m going to come,” he said. I was wrong. That was the hottest thing I’d ever heard him say. “Yes,” I breathed. “Where?” he asked. “Anywhere,” I said. “I just want to watch.”

That was when I realized I was wrong, that there was no difference between what I wanted and what I would choose. The answer had always been Zahariev.

“We’ll probably fall through the floor in a few minutes,” Zahariev said as I settled against his chest. “Hey, no one’s allowed to insult my apartment except me,” I said. Zahariev chuckled, his arms tightening around me. “I’m not insulting it,” he said, kissing my neck. “I’m quite fond of it.” “Even the bed?” I asked. He’d bitched earlier about a spring digging into his shoulder blade. “Only because it’s where I fucked you first,” he said.

“I can’t stop wondering how often you’ve been this wet for me.” His tone was low and rough, grazing my skin with every breath. “It’s not like I wasn’t obvious about it,” I said. “I begged you to fuck me.” “You did,” he said. “But you are also a vicious tease, and I wanted to know you were serious.” “I was serious,” I breathed.

“So…you aren’t opposed?” I didn’t want his approval exactly. I just wanted to know I wasn’t alone in my desire for justice. “No. Even if I were, you’d go anyway, and I’d still follow.” He paused. His gaze was gentle, thoughtful as he studied my face. “I’d follow you anywhere.”

It was just getting light when we returned to the compound. We slipped inside from the garage, finding the house quiet. Lilith paused in the hallway and faced me, clutching the blade to her chest with both hands. She looked so tired but so fucking beautiful. “Are you going to bed?” she asked. The corner of my mouth lifted. “Are you asking because you want to come with me?” Please come with me, I thought. If she did, I would stay up just to fuck her and every time I woke up after. “Do I need permission?” she asked. “Never,” I said. I bent to kiss her and then drew her close. She wrapped her arms around my neck and her legs around my waist, and I carried her to bed.

Holy woman, Mother of the dark world, Hold tight to your anguish, carry it deep Revel in the burn, that sweet agony Make your mark and open your mouth, Fill the night with your sacred screams Shatter the earth and never know peace.

There was a quiet lull while Gabriel worked to control his breathing. “The night Esther died,” I said, “Zahariev made me promise I would tell him if I didn’t want to be here anymore. He asked me to give him a chance to bring me back. Can I ask the same from you?” He looked at me. His eyes were swollen and almost shut. “Yes,” he said. “Of course I would tell you.” “Thank you,” I whispered, because I couldn’t speak any louder.

“I saw that kiss Zahariev gave you, and I don’t think I’m wrong in assuming you were together last night with the way you both came walking in.” My face flushed. “Wow, why does this feel so embarrassing?” He laughed. “I’m not trying to embarrass you,” he said. “I’m happy for you. Esther would be too. She always said this would happen.” “That what would happen?” “You and Z,” he said. “I was the one who had doubts.” “Why did you have doubts?” “I just didn’t think he would put you in that kind of situation,” he said. “You know as well as I do he won’t be the one to suffer any consequences if you’re found out.” “Zahariev didn’t put me in this situation,” I said. “We chose it.” “I know,” he said. “Do you think we’re wrong?” I asked after a quiet moment. I whispered the words, feeling too guilty to speak them any louder. “No, baby girl,” he said. “Nothing’s ever wrong when it’s love.”

Zahariev nodded and then bent to kiss Liam’s covered head. It was such a sweet thing, one he did without thinking. It made my chest feel tight, and a warm flush blossomed in the pit of my stomach. I hadn’t changed my mind about having children, but my body was a fucking traitor.

“You two had a long night,” Cassius said. “I didn’t think you’d want details, Cassius,” I said, meeting his gaze. “But since you seem interested, it’s only right to tell you about all the mind-blowing sex we had.” It wasn’t exactly how I planned to tell Coco, but I didn’t think she cared. She’d wanted this to happen for a long time. “I don’t need you to tell me,” he said. “Because you woke me up this morning moaning. If you’re going to fuck, at least give us a warning and some earplugs.” Given Cassius’s comments about me last night, I expected a little more anger over this, but really, he just seemed to be teasing. “I’m not sure I can get them by the next one,” I said. “So this is your warning.” “I’m moving to the other side of the house,” said Cassius as he left the living room. “Oh no, you don’t!” Coco called after him. “That’s my side!” “You don’t even live here!” he called back. Coco looked at me. “I’m going to murder him,” she said. I pressed my lips together but couldn’t help smiling. “I’ll help you bury the body.” “As a true friend would,” she said.

“My ass hurts,” I said. “Can’t we just…I don’t know, cut the electricity to the house?” Zahariev gave me that amused half smile that I sometimes loved and sometimes hated. Right now, I couldn’t decide. “Sure,” he said. “But then he’ll have us on camera, cutting the electricity to his house.” At this point, I’d risk it. I sighed and rolled my eyes, shifting in my seat. “I could give you a massage,” Zahariev suggested. “You just want an excuse to touch my ass,” I said. Zahariev’s brows rose and his smile grew, but his eyes were trained on the house. “Touch is a rather tame word for what I want to do to you.” My whole body flushed. I wasn’t used to those kinds of words coming out of his mouth, but I liked it. “There’s plenty of space in the back for a demonstration,” I said. “Space isn’t really the issue,” he said. “It’s time.” “Well, we’ve been here for almost an hour. You could have given me at least two orgasms by now.” Zahariev’s brows lowered. “I think that was an insult.” I shrugged. “I don’t really have enough data to give a more accurate number, so you can just take it as a challenge.” “I’ll accept your challenge, but I think I deserve to know the most you’ve ever had.” “In one session?” “Yeah,” he said. “I need to know what I should aim for.” I tried not to smile. “Five.” “Just five?” “Just? You say that like you can have more than one!” “Yeah, but I’ve given more than five in one go,” he said. I crossed my arms over my chest. “So you’ve been holding back?” “It’s not...

“Let’s not pretend you pay attention to anything above your line of sight.” “That’s not true. I pay attention to you,” I said as I retrieved the book from its place.

This entire time, I’d questioned Lilith’s self-control when I really should have been worried about mine. If she hadn’t been with me, I’d have killed every man in that fucking house.

I’d never been the center of anyone’s world before, always more of an inconvenience. I used to think Zahariev believed the same, but now I knew the truth. He hadn’t taken care of me out of obligation or as a favor to my father. He’d taken care of me because I was his entire universe. The truth gave a deeper meaning to his actions over the last two years, and I felt stupid for not seeing it. Zahariev paused after pressing a kiss to my stomach. “What’s wrong?” he asked. My eyes were burning, and I tried to swallow the thickness gathering in my throat. I shook my head. “I’m sorry I’m only now seeing you,” I said. His gaze was steady as he stretched over me. “Don’t apologize, little love,” he said. “I could have remained invisible to you, and my devotion to you would be unchanging.”

“You okay?” he asked. “Yeah,” I said and then frowned. “What’s wrong?” “Nothing. I just put my hand in something wet.” Zahariev chuckled. “Given how many times I made you come, it’s probably yours.” I blushed, though I wasn’t embarrassed. It was more from the memory of it, the deep, exquisite pleasure he’d given me. “Well, you were short by one,” I said. “But eight isn’t bad.” He looked at me, unamused. “You are such a fucking brat,” he said. “You like it,” I said. “I do,” he agreed, grasping my jaw and pulling me close. “But next time, I’m going to fuck you like I don’t.” I licked my lips. They were raw and rough and reminded me of my pilgrimage through the desert. I didn’t know why my mind unearthed the memory, but it remained, even as I focused on Zahariev. “Promise?” I asked. Zahariev smirked and his grip lessened, thumb brushing lightly over my skin. I liked the way he tempered dominance with tenderness. I needed both. “Yeah, little love,” he said. “Easiest yes I’ll ever give.”

He might not orgasm more than once during sex, but he was quick to bounce back. “Wanna fuck?” I asked. Zahariev laughed, closing his eyes as he stepped back into the spray. I loved watching the water drip down his body. He was glorious. “Given what I promised when we left the car, I think it’s best to take a little break.” “I can handle it,” I said. He smoothed his hands over his head so his hair was slicked back. His gaze was searching and a little fierce. “You aren’t lying to me, are you?” “Why would I lie?” I asked. “To get what you want,” he said. My gaze dipped. His cock was literally pointing at me. I raised a brow. “Are you sure it isn’t what you want?” “I told you,” he said. “I always want to fuck, but we went hard, little love.” “Zahariev, if I’m asking you to fuck me again, we didn’t go hard enough,” I said. His gaze darkened. I didn’t think he liked the way I was critiquing his work. “Dry off and wait for me in the bedroom,” he said. “Any particular requests?” I asked. “I’ll put you where I want you,” he said. “Just fucking go.”

“Fuck, you make this difficult,” he said. I grinned. “I told you I like going down on you.” “If this wasn’t a sin, you’d be a fucking saint,” he said. It was probably blasphemous to even imply the possibility of sainthood for blow jobs, but I’d take the veneration.

“Stop fucking!” Cassius yelled. We burst into laughter, and then Zahariev fell against me before rolling on his side. My back was against his chest, his cock wet but still hard against my ass. “I thought he was going to move to the other side of the house,” Zahariev said, breathless. “Jerk,” I said, elbowing him. “I thought you were asleep during that conversation. I could have used your help!” “I would never willingly talk about my sex life with my brother,” said Zahariev. “But you’ll fuck in the room next to his?” I asked. “It’s not my fault you’re loud,” he said. “Are you serious?” I asked, craning my neck to look at him. “Not your fault?” He chuckled, thoroughly amused. He placed a hand on the side of my face and kissed me. “If you want, I’ll take the credit,” he said. “But I think you’re also just really fucking sensitive. I’ve never had an easier time getting someone off.” I sighed. “And yet you still didn’t manage to make me come nine times.” “Fucking brat,” he muttered.

“Have you decided what you’re going to do about the families?” I asked. He expelled a stream of smoke, scratching his brow with his thumb. “Right now, I’m going to act like they didn’t stab me in the back.” “Can you do that if they decide to go to war over Hiram?” I asked. “Yeah,” he said. “I’ll just offer an ultimatum. Unless you want me to fight for it.” “What’s the ultimatum?” He held my gaze as he took another drag. This man smoked like a fucking freight train. “They can have it,” he said. “So long as I can have you. Only if you agree, of course.” I licked my lips to keep from smiling as I stared at him, though his proposal made my heart feel like it was about to explode. “Do you really think that will work?” I asked. “I think I can be pretty convincing,” he said. “I imagine they will give me what I want for now, knowing they plan to kill me later.” He sounded so casual despite the morbid theme of our conversation. I wondered if his ease was confidence or rather that he did not fear dying. I hoped it was the former, because I couldn’t handle losing him. “What does it mean? To be yours?” I asked. He smiled softly. “Whatever you want,” he said. “I’ll always be here, following in your shadow. I am not afraid of your freedom.” I held his gaze and closed the space between us. “I’d take you over Hiram any day,” I said. I let my hands smooth up his chest, wrapping my arms around his neck. He tossed his cigarette and pulled me close. “Just promise me you won’t die.” He laughed...

“I really don’t see why it’s necessary for them to be so tight,” I’d said, wriggling my hands back and forth before we left the overlook. We were delayed in our departure while Zahariev returned to the compound to retrieve my knife. I hadn’t brought it to the outlook for obvious reasons, but now that our plans had changed, I didn’t want to go into the temple unarmed. It was a bit of a risk, taking the blade, but it was small enough to conceal and quiet when in use. “They have to believe an enforcer actually restrained you,” Cassius argued. “Yeah, but I need to get out of them when I’m ready,” I said. “Can’t you just seduce someone into freeing you?” Cassius asked. “Cass,” Zahariev snapped. “You do it then,” he said, throwing up his hands. “This is the third time!” A second later, Zahariev approached to redo the bindings. I’d say on a scale of suspiciously loose to physically unyielding, they were somewhere in between. When he was finished, I turned to face him. “For future reference, I’m interested in this, but only if we’re fucking.” The corner of his mouth tugged upward, and he tilted my head back. “Noted,” he said and kissed me. Maybe my plan would go off without a hitch and I’d be back in Nineveh within an hour, fucking Zahariev’s brains out. I wasn’t going to hold my breath though.

“You are Analisia Leviathan. You rode Alarich Lisk’s dick for a living. You hate women and quote the Book of Splendor to prove it. You terrorized me my entire fucking life on behalf of a religion you’re trying to tell me you don’t follow?” “I was trying to protect you,” she said, taking a step closer. My stomach flipped, but I maintained my anger despite the sick feeling, fingers fisting as I seethed. “Don’t fucking go there.” “You were rebellious, always attracting the wrong attention. You constantly threatened my mission. That we are here now is a triumph given how many times I had to intervene to save your life.” “You? Save my life?” I asked, disbelieving. My voice rose. “You would not have mourned a day of my death.” “You’re wrong,” she said. “I would have mourned that I carried you for nothing.”

She will ascend from the womb of her enemy, A temptress cloaked in night, a nightmare bound in chains. Her cries will rattle the earth. Her blood will break the gates.

“Your blood is the only important thing about you. You have never been nor will you ever be anything more than a sacrifice.”

“Perhaps I should let him bear witness to this,” she said, studying me. “Then he will not want you.”

For the first time since I’d stepped into the room, I remembered who I was. I was not a victim. I was not a sacrifice. I was Lilith, a survivor.

When I opened them again, I found Zahariev watching me. He was watching me. I couldn’t decide what he thought of me, but I knew it was not as my mother said, because he came to me and knelt in my blood, fingers touching my chin and then my cheek. “You’re something else, little love,” he said in grim wonder. It was only then that I became aware of the heaviness against my back.

They will call her a demon, but I watched her transform, and I will call her goddess.