Devil May Breathe (The Devils of Vitality)

by Chani Lynn Feener

Even now, with Pavel’s fingers buried deep in his ass, all Zane could think about was how badly it seemed like he wanted him in this moment. And how quickly that would change the second the other Retinue member used him to get off. That notion dimmed some of his sparkle, and Pavel seemed to instantly catch on to it.

Except. That bastard had left him there. Like used trash. Like just another tarnished and drenched page from one of the rotting books. Like he was nothing. Worthless.

“Morning, Doctor,” Pavel’s voice reverberated throughout the room, and it was obvious by the gasps that Zane wasn’t the only one who heard the hint of possessiveness in it.

Berga touched Zane’s wrist, about to ease it off and check, but paused when that earned him a warning growl from Pavel. “Well. That’s interesting.”

“He’s full of shit,” Zane told him. “There’s nothing—” “He’s mine,” Pavel said. “The Prince of Medicine is mine.”

“This just got incredibly fascinating.” Berga tilted his head and then turned to Madden. “Will you tear my throat open with your teeth as well? I would also like to feel wanted.”

“I don’t know,” Berga disagreed. “Someone wanting me badly enough they need the entire school to know about it? It’s kind of hot.”

No. He shoved those fucked up feelings down. It didn’t matter how much that inner voice of his purred at the idea of real, unfiltered attention from someone. Zane was not about to let himself be controlled by his messed-up urges.

Pavel’s feigned attention was thrilling, but it wasn’t tangible. The guy would get sick of him once he’d had his fill, just like everyone else.

He stilled and then straightened to turn and send a look over his shoulder at his boyfriend. “Do you receive presents at the Academy?” “No, baby,” Madden reassured. “That’s not really something soldiers in training do.”

“I wasn’t going to hurt him,” Pavel said, then shrugged when they all turned to him incredulously. “I wasn’t going to hurt him more than I already did. Not here, anyway. If you inflict too much pain at once, there’s no time between to soothe and enforce trust.”

“What is he?” Zane really, really wanted to know. “Insane, clearly.” Meaning Madden didn’t have a real clue either.

Surely he was better than a few wild orgasms? Surely he wasn’t really turned on by this small act of possessiveness? An act that had resulted in his flesh being torn and the rest of the student body left terrified. Wait.

Just how many different personalities did this guy have? He’d never seen Pavel look at anyone like that, let alone his own brother. “I need,” Pavel sneered, “my bashert. Nothing else.”

“You two never fight. That’s like the only thing I like about you.” That wasn’t entirely honest. It wasn’t necessarily that he liked that about Pavel. He was envious of it.

“Forget it. Tear each other’s throats out for all I care.” “And sully the taste of your blood in my mouth?” Pavel shook his head. “Not a chance.”

A million questions ran through his mind, but there was only one that he’d been unable to shake all weekend. “What are you?” “Yours.” Pavel seemed to calm. “And you’re mine.”

They’d been close ever since, all four of them. A real family. A family Pavel intended to make Zane a part of. A family he wasn’t above dangling about his delectable doctor's head as an added incentive.

Nikita hummed, leaning into Ledger’s touch when he lifted a hand to cup the side of his face tenderly. That. That was what Pavel wanted. He wanted Zane to welcome everything about him. His presence, his touch, his—

“He will.” “But what if he doesn’t?” Ledger insisted. He considered that possibility, but it didn’t make him feel any differently about the situation. “Then he doesn’t. It won’t change anything for me.” It wouldn’t change the way his body physically yearned for the other man.

“Perhaps your concerns are mildly called for,” Pavel admitted. He was losing more control by the day. Soon it would be more than just his teeth sinking into Zane in front of an audience. If he didn’t get what he craved, he might really take things too far and do irreversible damage like his brother warned.

A part of him was so desperate to make Zane his mate, it was like he couldn’t think straight, only obsess over all the ways to make that happen. The more distracted by the fantasy he became, the more likely his actions would be erratic and troublesome.

There was a reason Pavel had forced himself to walk away from Zane, not once but twice, despite his very soul screaming at him not to.

That’d been by design. In order to convince Zane he was telling the truth when he said he coveted him, he had to first show him how obsessed and unyielding he could be.

Was it controlling? Yes. But surely his attempts to keep his darker desires at bay would earn him some points once they came to light and the doctor knew about them? Once he knew just how far Pavel was going to ensure they both came out of this happy at the end.

He did really want to, but he knew better than to go through with it. Knew that Zane would never forgive him if he kidnapped him and legitimately locked him away from the rest of the world.

Good Light, didn’t that sound phenomenal though? His delectable doctor kept in a place where only Pavel could see and touch him. Where he was the only company Zane was able to keep, the only one he could talk to and play with. He’d be so reliant on Pavel then. The training process would be halved for sure. They—

It helped to drown out some of his twisted thoughts, bringing him back to the present and the importance of keeping himself from absolutely shattering and losing himself to the devil within. The devil that demanded he leave the penthouse and track Zane down and finish what he started in the lab earlier.

Zane needed to feel desired to keep himself from spiraling. If Pavel hadn’t acted, he would have been forced to watch as the doctor took another to his bed. Again. He wasn’t willing to do that.

“You are aware, yeah?” “Yes.” “Normal people don’t beat down the person they claim to love,” he continued. “I’m showing him I want him.”

“He’ll see what I see. I know he will. Eventually.” “And what’s that?” Ledger drawled. “That we were made for each other.”

“I’m serious. He’s a wild card. The quiet, studious guy is all an act. There’s not a single one of us that is actually normal, brother. Zane Solace is no different.”

“He likes to be used, Ledge.” Pavel felt a thrill race all the way through him just talking about it. “He likes to be treated like an object and manhandled, as long as he’s not being belittled too much in the process. It makes him feel valued.”

“You don’t know, because you’re grinning now. I mean, you should be getting him psychological help instead of—” “Why would I do that?” Pavel frowned. “He doesn’t need help. He’s perfect.”

Now that things with Kaz had ended, he found he no longer even wanted to settle for being someone’s first choice. He wanted to be their only choice. Period. And he would never get that from Lyra.

He’d never really been hers because she’d never fully wanted him to be. But that still didn’t mean she wouldn’t throw a fit if she found out there was someone out there who was making serious moves on him.

There was always the chance the guy was messing with him. Hell, that made a lot more sense than Pavel waking up one morning suddenly interested in learning what Zane’s insides felt like.

Unwanted. Unimportant. Again. For once, he just wanted to be someone’s main choice. He didn’t want to be an option or a possibility bred from convenience, and the only way he could see that happening was for him to become the Imperial family’s doctor. Once he had that title, they wouldn’t just want him. They would need him.

No one else was going to make him matter. Clearly he had to do that on his own.

Except for maybe the fact he was sitting here in the lab, during one of the room's busiest times, specifically so he could show off the mark on his neck. So he could silently rub in everyone else’s face that someone wanted him badly enough to lose their absolute rational mind over him. Maybe he should rethink that whole getting help thing after all.

Got off on the feeling of being coveted. Even if it was superficial yearning. Even if every single one of those people would use him once and turn their backs on him afterward.

Sometimes he got angry instead of soothed though. Sometimes the vapidness of it all, the thoughts about how they wanted his body but not really him ate away at Zane. It made him feel the opposite of important and necessary. It made him feel alone.

Murdering Samuel had been a bold statement, and even though Zane had resisted that night in the forest, the thrill of the chase had been there. The rush from knowing someone was dead because of him…for him….

“There’s a type of imprinting for most of them, though the way of it varies. It’s sort of like they decide on a soul mate and their body agrees, then an attachment is formed. Of course, they’ll be driven to claim their mate then. Some need suppressants to help curb their…urges, however.”

“That’s what’s made you uncomfortable?” Pavel seemed just as surprised as he felt. “The fact I like getting you your favorite drink? You know, for a future doctor, you’re not great at handling your body’s needs. There are days when you go hours without eating or drinking anything. That can’t be healthy.”

“How often do you change into other people to spy on me?” He wasn’t entirely serious. Or maybe he was. He wasn’t even sure anymore.

“Not that often,” he promised. “It’s easy enough to get away with stalking you as myself. You never notice me.”

“Where would the fun be in that? I wish we were the exact same size in clothing too. Then I could steal your clothes and feel a part of you against my body all—” Zane walked away as quickly as he could, not needing to hear where that was going.

“Your point?” “My point is,” he rested his arms on the table, “I bit you specifically in front of all of those people to get the rumor going about us. The last person I need denying it now is you. The bite was as much for you as it was them. A wake-up call, so to speak. I’ve always wanted you, Zane.”

“Because you weren’t ready.” “Sure.” “You had Kaz and Lyra,” Pavel insisted. “With them taking care of your physical needs, there was no place for me. Not yet. Not like there is now.”