Maybe for the Summer

by Aubreé Pynn

“Peace of mind. I’m tired of warring against my own mind. Tired of being up and down. You shoulder it so good, but I don’t want my kid growing up shouldering a nigga who should know how to control his emotions.”

“Father God. Thank you for our bundle of joy. We pray that it’s development is covered and blessed. We ask that you cover us. Heal the places of our hearts that we don’t reveal and the parts of our minds we feel like we can’t control. Lord, we ask that whatever we allowed to hurt us, whatever trauma we’re carrying and can’t put words to, You heal it. Use our tests and trials to show other’s how to trust themselves. And while I have you, Lord, please wrap your arms around this man. Provide him co...

“You’re going to be a great father. You’re going to provide our child with a life you never had, with love you never had. You’re going to be present for every milestone. You’re going to see every graduation and be the cool dad with the stories they want to hear and the concerts they want to go to. You’re going to either walk them down the aisle or tie a bow tie. You’re going to hold your grandchildren.

“You are the tree that’s going to bear bountiful fruit. You’re the one breaking the curses. God did not give me you only to snatch you away. Hear me?”

“Good, rest your mind and your body. We are safe and in a few hours, we’re going to hear a healthy heartbeat of our first of many. I love you, Jules. When that crown gets too heavy to wear, I’ll massage your shoulders. When it slips, I’ll put it back in the right position. But you will never take it off, papa.”

Daysha was the missing link. If you asked him, she was the stronger link. He had a vision, and she had a plan to execute it with perfection. Without question, she was truly his rib and as much as she protected the vital parts of him, he’d do the same for her.

“This is your moment. You ready, Daddy?” Daysha asked, knowing just how to make him feel like he was sitting on top of the world. “Our moment, baby. I’m ready.”

“When you got someone to talk to the bull in you and believe in the dream and sink their heels in and back you, it’s not difficult. I honestly wouldn’t be able to do any of this without this woman right here. Daysha has been my rock since day one. So tonight is just as much about her as it is me. Y’all see me out front, on stage grindin’. But I have a whole team of people behind me supporting the dream and she’s leading it all. And doin’ it fine as hell, I must say.”

The woman who entered his dark, chaotic world and filled it with beauty.

“Everyone is watching you, everyone needs you. That crown is heavy, more so today, than it has ever been. Your feet feel heavier. Your mind is clouded. I know. Buried my brother. It doesn’t change. That grief in your chest feels like a knot. What changes is you. You can either change for the better or turn for the worse. Hold your head up today. You have love surrounding you. A lot of strong people in this house. Remember this is a horrible moment, not a horrible life. Moments pass. This will pass.”

We want you. We need you. Bad. I literally can’t breathe without you. You’re my air – our air. You’re meant to do so much more.”

“I love you too much to let you go without a fight. Even when you can’t love you, I have enough for both of us. But let me be very clear, so there’s never a question about it – if you ever put your hands on me like

that again, I will make a phone call and you’ll be the next body in your family plot. Understand me?”

don’t know what to do. But I need him. And I need him to be better. We need him. It’s not the money or the

security. It’s because this is what You gave me and I told You that when You gave me what was mine, I’d take care of it. And that I’d love without condition. It’s very hard to love him right now. It’s hard for him to love him right now. You have to show me how to do this and how to do it right.”

“I’m here and I won’t take my covering from him. But I won’t live in hell so he can have heaven. So I need You to show me how to do this.”

“I love you. More than you probably understand. You can do whatever you put your mind to and it’s beautiful. You’re beautiful. Even in all this darkness, you’re still the most beautiful in the room.”

“I will never stop liking you. Or loving you. I’ll do it when it’s hard. When it hurts. You’re having a bad day, a moment. This isn’t you.”

“Because Daysha is a woman you love as much or more than you loved your mother. You couldn’t protect your mother, but you can protect her. So in order to protect her, you spend more time at home, you need her to ground yourself, you don’t sleep well if she’s not touching you.”

“Then let’s fix you. Because while you are entitled to feel what you feel, and they are valid, your actions are not. Accountability as a human and as a man starts here. You have to be accountable about every role you play. You’re months away from playing the biggest role of your life. Daysha chose you, you chose her, that child didn’t choose.”

“As black men, we aren’t taught to love us. We have to love the family, the woman, provide, protect, be the hero and often times, we don’t have anyone to save us. You’re one of the lucky ones. You have a hero and in order not to break her, you can’t break you. Because broken people break things, and you won’t fare well with the reality

We make that choice.” “I want the beauty.” “Then that’s what we’ll have we just have to go through this pressing process first.”

“I love you girl. Thank you.” “For what?” “Giving me you and all your healing love. How you love me, how you speak to me – to every part of me is the realest shit I’ve ever known. You deserve whatever you want and then some.”

“Yeah they texted a couple times. I’m just not in the business of trying to appease them. They can’t respect my decisions and I’m not opening the door for their negativity. It’s us and I know what it is.”

Julius tapped her hips. “Damn right. Always us never them.”

“Let the grief die with them. Death has no place with the living.”

There’s something that you gave me our first week or two together.” “What was that?”

“Power. You unlocked some shit in me that was lying dormant. I used to let people walk all over me. I used to let them handle me however while I broke my back trying to please them. Then I met this man that poured into me effortlessly, erratically but it was pure and intentional. Whatever threatens to pull that from me will forever be met by fire and fury.”

I’m lighting up the city behind her momma, I’m burning the earth for her. Can’t have that.”

“He asked if we had any history of mental illness, and I told him no. But I feel like we got inherited trauma. PTSD passed down that makes us from the womb and follows us. I told him I don’t want to pass my trauma on to my kids. I don’t want their mother carrying my trauma either.”

You’ve took shit and made sugar. You’ve been true to who you are, and you’ve never forgot where you came from. I remember all the dreams my sister had for you two. I got to tell you, y’all have exceeded them. I wish she was here to see it.”

Daysha bit her lip as she turned to walk into the closet to find a baby blue satin slip dress hanging up next to a pair of Dolce and Gabbana heels and complimenting handbag. On the dresser was a brand new bottle of perfume and a thin diamond anklet with a note. “You know what to do.”

Custom Ameechii suit, crisp monogrammed white oxford, no tie, showing his tattooed-neck and diamond chains. In his hand was a pink, powder blue, and violet-hued bouquet of flowers with silver butterflies placed throughout it.

She placed the flowers in the vase, set the away alarm and let him lead her out of the house to his old school navy blue candy-painted baby still on chrome twenty-fours.

“I’ve had the pleasure of watching you blossom in front of me. Every one of these pictures taken at a different point. I want to keep adding to this. Watching you grow as a woman, as a mother, as my rib. This exhibit wasn’t complete without you. You said I gave you power, but you covered me in your peace. Even when I was out of my head.

You’ve been the best thing I’ve ever had, Butterfly.”

“I love you.” “I love you. Get your medicine, baby. Let me finish healing your spirit.”

“Don’t stop finding new ways to love her. Don’t forget to respect her decisions. Very rarely do they make a move without us in mind. If she needs her space, allow her that. Let her keep growing. “Women like that, you can’t put in a box. They’re too big for it. Sometimes you’re going to feel like she’s too big for you. That’s okay. Because if she wasn’t as huge as she needs to be, you wouldn’t be shit. Don’t

stop striving to be better and do better. Keep listening to her. You’ll be fine.”

“How you learn these songs so fast I’ll never understand,” he spoke in her ear. “Don’t forget I’m your number one fan, papa.”

“See, I wrote poems about you. In the trenches, daydreaming of a beautiful day. Hustlin’ just to survive scared that it’ll miss me. There was no butterflies in the hood. Pain and mother’s crying. See, I ran from the boogey man long enough. Hittin’ corners, maskin’ pain giving up on dreams. My warmest summer day,

I gave up on. An undeserving nigga afraid of the crown bestowed. May 26th, 12:12 am in the dead of night. She took the coldest nigga and turned night to day. The winter into summer. Giftin’ me positivity, alignment with God and growth. Never wanted this shit to be over. Got a gangsta nigga turning into a lover.

“I wanna plant seeds in your garden. Watch them bloom just like you do. I wanna kiss your clouds away. Live in your light. Can’t stand the feelin’ of being disconnected from your power. Drives a nigga psycho but you like that shit, though. I swear I loved you since I met you. You can’t deny it. Grace of a butterfly, delicate as a lotus. Every moment with you around is a beautiful day. You taught me balance even through the challenge. The libra to my taurus. Baby I’ll never deny us. Take my heart and this ring and multiply this. Give me some babies and your sunshine,...

“Say, summer will you do me the honor and be my wife? Say yes ‘cause you know a nigga loose his mind behind you. Never mind your love healed me from that. Turned out to be superwoman. Must be a magician. You take my nothing and turn it to something. Keep me rooted, grounded, and connected. Saved me from myself more ti...

“I’m going to be such a good wife to you.” “All I want is you to always be my butterfly, my Lotus, my Day. Love when it’s hard to. Keep praying for me. Keep me close.” He moved her up and down on him. “I will,” she whimpered. “You’re going to always be my Jules?” “Forever. You own my heart, you shepherd my soul. You make every day feel like summer.”

can do anything you put your heart and mind to. Look at me, I’m your walking canvas.

“You’re the gift from God that picked me up, cleaned me up, and elevated everything. My hands took life and you’re about to bring the extension of us into the world. You’re stronger than I could ever be. You’re strong. You’re powerful and quite frankly, baby, you the baddest woman I know. When you get in that water, I’m going to be right behind you.”

“Love you, Jules.” “Lucci love you too,” he returned with a wink before stepping away to handle business. “Forever.” “And ever.”