Leave Me Behind

by K.M. Moronova

“That’s it, baby, you take me in so fucking good. Does it feel good when I stretch you out?”

“Fuck yes,”

“You’re going to take all my come and you better not spill a drop of it.”

I love you. I shouldn’t, but I do.

“It was the Hades Squad.”

“Bones… what does this mean?”

“It means we’re fucked. If Hades is a part of this rogue operation, then who’s to say who else is?

This is bad. Really fucking bad.”

“It looks like this is where our mission together ends. Find Eren,”

“Always look them in the eye. Show them you aren’t afraid to die,”

“Hold on to me. It’s okay. It’s okay. I won’t let you go

“I’m so sorry, Bun. I should have been by your side in that fight. I’m so fucking

sorry.” His thumb brushes mine soothingly. If anyone can do this, it’s us.

“Careful who you let hold your heart, Gallows. There are wolves out there. You know the saying, right? Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, I’ll bury you.”

“I know you’d never let me down. But you need to remember this for those you let close to you. Make sure they know it.” Bradshaw has fooled me twice. I’m still not sure what I want to do about it.

Part of me breaks as I watch them ruin my cruel, lovely partner. In these moments that feel like eternity, I realize that this might be it for him. With each groan and pained glance he steals at me, my heart shatters irrevocably.

All I can do is stare at my broken, beautiful soldier. Is he dead? My stomach lurches and I can’t find the rhythm of my breath. Please don’t be dead. I need you.

I wasn’t immobilized, but with Bradshaw, I feel everything and nothing at once. The things I want to say, the secrets I should’ve shared.

“You care about that guy?” He has no tone, just odd curiosity that sends shivers up my spine. I nod slowly. “Why?”

Why? That’s a great question. But regardless of what the answer is, I do. I care about him more than I’ll ever admit. “Did you… kill him?” My voice is weak.

Even if he lost faith in me—I failed to protect him.

Why won’t he fucking look at me?

It dawns on me finally. It’s guilt. He knows who’s in charge, he knows what’s going to happen to us.

It cost me Abrahm. It might cost me Bunny. God, I hope it doesn’t. I won’t survive it.

“That’s why she thought you were the one dying. You’re twins. I wish you could’ve seen how upset she was. It would’ve melted your heart.”

Bunny’s breath of shock moves through me like cold water. She murmurs as though she has seen a ghost as well, “Jenkins?”

Jenkins is the leader of the Ghosts.

“with me. Gallows, I let you live. I even let you choose whether I’d take you with me or not. But you chose to leave me behind, as I suggested. I knew you’d be a weakness to me and, look, fate still brought you here. Taunting me.” He killed our squad. He planned for me to die there with them. Something painful churns in my gut at those words.

“I knew you couldn’t, even if you knew I was going to throw you away like trash. You were always foolishly loyal until the end.”

“But in the end, it was me who was the fool. I loved you more than I could stand. I still do.”

Killing the squad was just a diversion so that the general wouldn’t go looking for Jenkins. We really did mean nothing to him.

“I got you out, but he brought you back here, knowing that I wanted to protect you from this. He fucking brought you back to hell. He wanted to use you as a body shield for his stupid brother. Eren was counting on me not noticing that something I care about was on the field, and for what? For killing that nobody soldier two years ago?”

“Why did you make me do it?”

“I liked that your hands were as dirty as mine. And you didn’t care. You never did. As long as I kept you by my side, you didn’t care about anything.”

To my surprise, you were the only one I couldn’t pull the trigger on. You were so much like me. And you were such a pretty little thing. You still are.”

“Let them leave, Jenkins. I want to stay with you… I’ll kill them myself if they come back. I’ll do it.”

I know he thinks he loves you, but he doesn’t know the real you. The monster that I know.”

But all I can think of are the words: He loves you.

Most of all, I hate him for making me a monster too. Hate and love dance a wicked line. Deep down, I know I will always love Jenkins. But I’m relieved he’ll spare them. I’ll stay here in hell with him—my evil one.

Memorizing every detail of his face, every dip in his skin. He’s going to be the last thought I have when I die. I love him… I love him, and I’m never going to tell him that. He won’t stay away if I do.

“You will leave this

place and never look back.”

“You think I’m leaving you? This isn’t goodbye.”

“It is. Live your life and forget about me.” Bradshaw leans in and kisses me. I shut my eyes and let his lovely lips imprint on mine before remembering myself and shoving him off.

“There is no life without you. There wasn’t one before, there sure as fuck won’t be one after,”

“I love you, Bunny.”

He… loves me. I didn’t know how much those words could hurt, especially when you can’t ha...

“Leave me behind, Bradshaw.”

“Do you love me?”

Bradshaw left without looking back, taking what was left of my heart with him.