Finding Delaware (State of Us #1)

by Bree Wiley

“That glare is reserved for me. You’re giving it to everyone else, and I’m jealous.” Squinting incredulously, he narrows his gaze. “You flirting with me?”

This can be like neutral ground or something. A fake place. Like…Delaware.” “Delaware?” I shrug, raising a brow at him. “Have you ever heard of that city? I don’t even know where or if it exists.”

“So, what, this track is a land of make-believe or some shit?” Nodding, I do my best to toss him a megawatt grin. “Exactly. Out here, nothing has to exist. No fights. Just us. Just Taylor and Huckslee.” Like I wish it could be. “What do you say?”

“Why do you hate me so much, Taylor?” His tongue darts out to moisten his lips. “I don’t hate you, Huck. Not even close.”

“I don’t like seeing someone else’s marks on you,” he whispers into my skin, pressing soft kisses over my bruises like I’m some precious thing that requires care.

I hope he’s happy—genuinely, authentically happy. I hope life got better when he moved in with his grandparents out there, and I hope he’s been able to find peace. Because he deserves it. After everything, he deserves good things.

I’ve broken it off with every guy I’ve ever dated because they aren’t assholes, apparently. I won’t even get into what my therapist thinks about that.

Does he think four years was enough to clear the air between us, racing on this track like my life wasn’t entirely altered by the stunt he pulled? Like he didn’t break me into pieces.

I’m not stupid; I know why he was mad that night. It had little to do with Logan and everything to do with the fact that I wasn’t touching him. I could see it. Maybe I’m a bit delulu, but I don’t care. I’m holding on to that hope like it’s a lifeline.

Fuck, even sad, he’s adorable. Makes me want to make him hot chocolate and shit. Tuck a blanket around him. Sit on his face.

Huckslee and I are fucking toxic together. Which is precisely why I’m addicted to him.

“Never have I ever been in love.” His eyes meet mine, a starry night against snow-capped mountains. He doesn’t make a move toward his drink. But I do. Holding his gaze, I pick up my glass and drain its contents before placing it in the sink.

I’ve offered him an olive branch, not for the first time, and it feels like he keeps shutting me down. You’d think I’d take the hint. Move on, let him go, realize he can’t feel anything for me after our past. But hope still burns inside me, and I refuse to let it die. I can’t.

“What do you hear in your head now?” Tilting my head to listen, dark hair falls into my eyes as I give in and roll my hips over his stiff length. “Just you, Huckslee.”

Taylor’s eyes meet mine briefly before they sink closed, and I can’t help but think: After all these years, why does it feel like I’m finally coming home?

“You want me to own you, Taylor? Take away your choices while I fucking use you? Like you did to me?” Will that make you love me?

Why do I feel like this? Isn’t this what I wanted? For him to leave me alone? No, I wanted revenge. And I got it. But it feels like the cost for it was my goddamn soul.

Sick and twisted. Toxic. He’s no good for you, Royce said. I’m no good for him. We’re no good for each other, and yet I Can’t Let Him Go.

Why would he have a picture of me on his wall? And right where he’d see it first thing in the morning? A feeling blooms inside me, warmth and softness I can’t place spreading throughout my chest.

“Huckslee, I’ve been in love with you since the eighth grade.”

I wanted you from the moment I saw you that first day in eighth grade. And it was torture, each day that passed with you not walking through the hospital room door, and I just...knew. That I loved you.

“I know, we’d hardly touched at that point. Had only kissed like three times, but it was enough for me. It’s fucking stupid and embarrassing, but that was all it took.” A bitter laugh leaves my throat. “It doesn’t take much for me, apparently. The slightest crumb of affection, and I’m a goner.”

I’ve dated plenty of women over the last four years that I didn’t love. And, of course, I love Salem in a platonic way, but...it’s only you, Huckslee. It’s only ever been you.”

He’s back against my body in an instant, our bare chests now flush as our mouths find each other again, and my stomach somersaults at the word he just called me. Baby. I’m baby.

Burning up for the man on top of me who I’ve denied myself for so long. And I’m sick of fighting it. Fighting him.

“I can’t get you out of my head, Taylor. I haven’t been able to for four years.” My tongue darts out to wet my lips, flicking his in the process. “Are we doing this, then?” “Doing what?” I pause. “Us.”

He likes the idea of it, of having me. Owning me. Even though I’ve been his from the start. And I want him, too. God, I want him. More than I’ve ever wanted anything, even motocross.

It was easier to believe he was the villain than to try and understand him, just like how our parents are acting now.

I’ve noticed in my short twenty-two years of life that people are comfortable taking things at face value. No one hardly ever digs beneath the surface, too afraid they might delve too deep and find something that makes them uncomfortable. I should know; I put on a show for years that nobody noticed. Nobody except Taylor.

“We need to break this cycle, Huck. The running and hiding and keeping shit inside. It’s not healthy. Next time you feel this way, you need to talk to me about it.”

“You two are fuckin’ cute.” “I know, right.” Christian reaches over to ruffle my hair. “He doesn’t have eyes for me, though.” Leaning close enough that only I can hear, he whispers, “fucker likes to keep it in the family.”

I enjoy sharing. But when it comes to Huckslee? He’s mine. Always has been, always will be, and I’ll be damned if he thinks he’s going to run away again now that I finally have him. I’ll tie the fucker up if I have to.

And Huckslee...he isn’t even sure that we’ll work out. Me? I already decided the moment Salem called to say he was coming home; Huck is endgame for me. He’s all I want. I don’t care that we’ve only started this thing a week ago; he could ask me to wait forever, and I would.

“I may be four years too late, Tay. But I’ve been paying attention, too. I’m just sorry it took me so long.”

Out of all the guys I’ve kissed, none of them make me feel the way Taylor does, like his arms are the only place I belong. As if I could build a home inside his embrace and live in it forever.

Goddamn. That’s it. I’m wholly gone for this boy. And it terrifies me.

As he murmurs into my curls under the twinkling stars, I can only think one thing: Our story has just begun, yet we’re already running out of time.

“I told you to wait at camp, motherfucker.” He smiles broadly, his hands coming up to cup my face. “I tried.” “You tried? For all of five seconds?” “But then I had to piss, and I feel so good, Tay. I pissed on a patch of flowers, and they were dancing like they enjoyed it.”

I saw your light out here and had to follow because I’m a satellite.” “A satellite, huh?” He nods, wrapping his arms around me. “Yeah, and I fell out of orbit. Can’t have me doing that. So I came to you because that’s where we belong. In each other’s gravity.”

“The forest has claimed me, my love. Let me be a tree. Or a weed.” My love. Fucking hell.

Now? All I feel is a deep sadness and shame, wishing I could turn back time. Wishing I could have loved him sooner. Because it feels like all I’ll get is months when I could have had years. Tick, tick, tick.

If I could, I’d crawl inside his brain and change the story, perhaps make it one where our friendship morphed naturally into love over time instead of the twisted monster it became.

“Don’t let them win.” “Hm?” My brows furrow tightly as he presses a wet thumb between them. “The bad thoughts. Don’t let them win. I’m here now. We’re here. How we got to this point doesn’t matter. Delaware, remember?”

“Taylor, I love you. I’d be a fool not to.” He searches my gaze for several seconds before grinning widely. “I am quite the catch, huh?”

“I’ve seen you two fight; someone’s gotta be there to limit the bloodshed.” “Oh, trust me,” I growl, taking off down the road, “you don’t want to witness the things I’m gonna do to him. Not unless you want therapy afterwards.”

He smiles, a sight so beautiful that I realize I’d burn the world down just to keep it on his face, and I have to clear my throat before I end up doing something stupid. Like dropping to one knee and proposing.

“Are we going to communicate now like a normal couple, or do I need to worry about you running off with hot guys on bikes next time you’re upset?” His grin turns wicked, a chuckle brushing against my lips. “Well, I mean, if you’re willing to chase me down, baby.”

“Well, I see no blood, so that’s a good sign.” Logan checks us both over with an assessing gaze. “No bruises. I think it’s safe to say everything’s sorted?”

If it’s meant to be, they’ll find their way back to each other.” “Like me and you?” He asks softly, lips pressed against mine. “Yeah, Huck. Like me and you.”

He’s the love of my life, and he’s slowly healing me, making me whole. I just hope I can still remain in one piece when he’s gone.