Finding Delaware (State of Us #1)

by Bree Wiley

Every day has been a fight for the last three years, ever since that day in PE when I fucked up. When I misread the signs of our friendship so thoroughly that I handed him a weapon to use against me.

and I can’t help the pang in my chest every time I see them together. Best fucking friends. Inseparable. Exactly what I’d hoped Taylor and I would be until I screwed it all up.

I know whatever he’s about to say will feel like a gunshot to the chest. It always does.

The first person I ever shared a little piece of myself with threw it back in my face.

Fucker. Should have let the bikes smash him. But then, who would I mess with every day?

His dark, glittering eyes and blonde curls flash in my mind, those full lips of his red from where I punched them, and a sick rush of satisfaction almost steals my breath at the memory.

I did that. I made those lips swell. I made those dark eyes water. I left my mark on him. Me.

While I may get violent with Huckslee because I’m forced to, the thought of anyone else touching him pisses me off. He’s mine to torment. No one else’s.

“Let’s go, Lasagna.” Kissing her soft head, I stuff her inside my duffle bag. “Don’t piss on my shit.”

Leaning in close, I try to keep my voice light. “That glare is reserved for me. You’re giving it to everyone else, and I’m jealous.”

“I don’t need your pity.” His ocean eyes snap up to mine, full of fire, the brightness of his irises driving me insane. Blue and green, blue or green. Pick a fucking color.

Just rawdogs a pain pill like candy.

but maybe he doesn’t notice the clothes I wear like I do with him. Well, of course, he doesn’t, a little voice in my head reasons. He’s not attracted to you.

“Your new home, Lasagna.” He kisses the cat before dropping her onto the floor, and I can’t help but laugh. “Lasagna? Why not just call her Garfield?” “Because I’m not a basic bitch like you.”

There’s a smile on his lips, excitement shining in his eyes as he takes in the track, and it reminds me of that day in PE three years ago when I thought I’d get to see that look on his face forever. I didn’t realize until this moment that I’d missed it.

“Yeah, why not? This can be like neutral ground or something. A fake place. Like…Delaware.” “Delaware?”

Out here, nothing has to exist. No fights. Just us. Just Taylor and Huckslee.” Like I wish it could be.

My heart starts to thump wildly in my chest. Please say yes. Please.

As sick as it was, I loved seeing the tears stream down his cheeks.

Huckslee: You’re just jealous that I’m not sucking YOUR dick. Yeah, okay.

It’s on the tip of my thumbs to type out you couldn’t handle this dick, but that crosses a line, and I’m not gay.

We don’t fight at the track, asshole! This is Delaware! Fucking no geography knowing dumbass.

Even in the dim light of the living room, I can see how nervous he is, and I’m not gonna lie—it’s kind of adorable.

“You’re fucking cute when you’re flustered,” I blurt out, cutting off his rant, and my smile grows when his lips part at my words.

His dark eyes widen, twinkling like a starry night sky as he flounders like a fish for something to say.

I’m lying on my side, stretched out on the couch, my head inches from Huck’s thigh, and…his fingers are in my hair, playing with the strands.

I have everything a kid could ask

So why do I always feel like I’m fucking drowning?

Hide that I’d rather be here, in my room, miserable and alone.

Those words cut me to the bone, hurting deeper than the gash on my brow or the twisted arm.

I can’t move. I feel like I can’t breathe. All I can do is sit here and cry. Like a fucking weakling.

They make you eat in a room beside the tortoise enclosure, and I get to watch the turtles move around. Not a punishment if you ask me. They’re cute, with little heads and tails that wiggle like a puppy’s, which is kind of interesting—

His chest moves slightly, curls tickling my skin. “I think my type is you, Taylor.”

His face lights up, and it hits me how close we are. His body warms mine as we clasp our hands tightly. From this distance, I notice how soft his lips look, all puffy and pink.

Instead, I pull his head down and press my lips to his.

His pupils dilate, an emotion finally flashing in his irises, but I feel like I’ve been gutted when I realize it’s fear.

and that’s when I know that he thinks I’m going to start a fight. He’s fucking afraid of me.

That has my heart dropping like a stone. I never want...

Because I want to show him, for some insane fucking reason, that my touch isn’t always painful.

It’s not until we have to put our shoes on near the back door that I drop his hand, and the emptiness I feel at the absence confuses me.

“But I want to talk to you, and you don’t trust me right now. So we’re going to Delaware.”

What do you want, Taylor? I want to see you. Please.

He takes advantage of it by slipping his tongue inside, gliding against mine, tasting of mint and nicotine. My arms wrap around him, palm coming up to cup his jaw, the kiss messy and sloppy in the best way.

“Don’t be like this, man.” “Like what?” Is he serious right now? “Like you’ve kissed me not once, but twice now, and both times you’ve taken it back?”

How many times am I going to open myself up to him so that he can hurt me?

“God, I’m so fucking stupid.” I laugh humorlessly as I turn on my heel, heading back toward the house. “Despite all the shit you’ve done to me, I pined after you for years. Years. You really couldn’t care less about anyone but yourself, Taylor.”

Logan shoves Huck playfully on the shoulder, and I feel like I’m going crazy because I want to take his arm off for touching my stepbrother.

But there’s a toxic side of me that’s screaming how fucking dare you walk away when I opened up to you, motherfucker.

God, I fucking hope so. I’ve been a good boy. Real good. And I need something to take my mind off the current subject of my obsession, sitting ten feet away, smiling at his best friend like he has no care in the world.

With this one gesture, she’s telling me that she let Brad go, and now it’s my turn again. See what I mean about our relationship being easy? This girl just gets me.