Finding Delaware (State of Us #1)

by Bree Wiley

Once again, Huckslee Davis breaks my fucking heart. And I can’t even blame him because I was the idiot who gave it to him when I should have known better.

A month. Four weeks. Nearly thirty days since I’ve seen Taylor, or touched him, or felt his lips on mine. I’m going fucking crazy.

He’s trying to be polite and pay attention to her, but his eyes keep flicking back up to me, and I grin. I’m dying to see him.

We haven’t exactly discussed what we are to each other, and calling him my stepbrother after everything we’ve done over the last week feels wrong. Even if it is technically accurate.

He smiles sadly, stepping back toward Logan like he’s preparing for them to leave, and my fists clench. Because no. I want to spend time with him, dammit.

“Hi,” he says, dropping his gaze to take in my Rings of Saturn tank top, which shows a green alien chilling on a doughnut.

I’ve never been the possessive type. Hell, all of my relationships have been open, which is why Christian has pretty much slept with every girl I’ve ever dated and vice versa. I enjoy sharing. But when it comes to Huckslee? He’s mine. Always has been, always will be, and I’ll be damned if he thinks he’s going to run away again now that I finally have him.

My chest feels like it’s been kicked in. I just got him back. After four years of pining from a distance, longer if you include high school, I finally get a chance to have him, and yet it’s ending before it can truly begin.

“You said you meant it, calling me yours. And you’re mine, too. But whatever this is between us, I understand that it’s new. I can’t ask you to wait for me or enter into something long-distance–

“No.” Pulling back, I meet his gaze. “No, I don’t believe that. Huck, we went through hell to get where we are, and I’m not letting it slip away again.”

“Baby, I’ve already waited four years for you.” My palm slides against his as I run my tongue along his throat. “And we’ve got three months until you leave for training camp. If you’re worried about us ‘being good’ together, consider this the start of our ninety-day trial period.”

“Look, I’m not gonna force you into anything you don’t want. If, when July ends, you decide that we don’t work, then...I’ll let you go. Even if it hurts me.” Even if it kills me.

“Taylor, I...you know I care about you. Right?” My throat closes as my heart swells. “Yeah. I care about you, too.”

And Huckslee...he isn’t even sure that we’ll work out. Me? I already decided the moment Salem called to say he was coming home; Huck is endgame for me. He’s all I want. I don’t care that we’ve only started this thing a week ago; he could ask me to wait forever, and I would. But one-sided feelings does not a relationship make.

Wishing, hoping, pleading for his heart to feel for me like mine does for him.

We all glance at each other, Matt’s eye almost bugging out of his skull. He and Xed stare each other down, something passing briefly between them that has Matt shaking his head. After a moment, Xed lifts his beer to his lips and swigs, causing Matt’s shoulders to relax imperceptibly.

“I don’t want anyone but you, either, Tay. And I’m purely monogamous, so you won’t get that same speech from me. I’m yours, and you’re mine. Anything else is a deal breaker for me. Okay?”

“But you and Christian... you’ve never...?” I let the question hang in the air, feeling his eyes on my face. “No,” he answers softly, squeezing my thigh. “I said in the cabin that I’ve only had experience with one guy, remember? I don’t feel that way about Christian. Only you, Huck.”

“Fifth gear is only for sixty-five miles per hour or above. But I’m not taking this corner that fast with you in the truck. I have done it before, though.”

“I may be four years too late, Tay. But I’ve been paying attention, too. I’m just sorry it took me so long.” Pausing, I run my hands through my hair with a nervous chuckle. “It’s all mostly your ink, though. I’m not sure what Christian would like, but he’s not as interesting to look at as you. No offense.”

Out of all the guys I’ve kissed, none of them make me feel the way Taylor does, like his arms are the only place I belong. As if I could build a home inside his embrace and live in it forever. Ever since that night when he kissed me on the track behind my house, it’s a feeling I searched for in every relationship I’ve ever had, and they always come up short.

Goddamn. That’s it. I’m wholly gone for this boy. And it terrifies me.

This can’t last forever, no matter how much we want it to. As he murmurs into my curls under the twinkling stars, I can only think one thing: Our story has just begun, yet we’re already running out of time.

“Mm.” He pulls me down, nuzzling his cheek against mine. “I love it when you call me baby. I saw your light out here and had to follow because I’m a satellite.” “A satellite, huh?” He nods, wrapping his arms around me. “Yeah, and I fell out of orbit. Can’t have me doing that. So I came to you because that’s where we belong. In each other’s gravity.”

“Please don’t go.” His arms crush me against his chest. “I’ve grown roots, and I can’t move. Don’t want to be here alone.” “Huckslee, come on.” Yet I’m still moving on top of him, my own dick straining against my sweats. “The forest has claimed me, my love. Let me be a tree. Or a weed.” My love. Fucking hell.

“Hey, it’s okay.” Cupping his face in my palms, I search his erratic gaze, hot breaths coming quick from his heaving chest. His trip is starting to turn. “You’re alright, baby. I won’t let that happen. You can stay here.”

“Is it forced, though, if he agrees to it?” Sighing wearily, I shake my head. “I don’t know. It feels like it is. He already waited so long for me to pull my head out of my ass while I was in California, and this just feels like going backwards. Relationships are supposed to move forward.”

He’s so beautiful it breaks my damn heart.

Wishing I could have loved him sooner. Because it feels like all I’ll get is months when I could have had years.

If I could, I’d crawl inside his brain and change the story, perhaps make it one where our friendship morphed naturally into love over time instead of the twisted monster it became.

“You didn’t have to come with me, you know,” he says, taking my hand. “Yes, I did. This is probably the only time we’ll be alone this weekend, and you also wore me out. I want to nap with my boyfriend somewhere other than the bed of his truck for once.” A bright grin spreads across his face. “Boyfriend, huh?”

It’s perfect. He’s perfect. Tick, tick, tick. I just wish we had more time.

How could I ever believe he’d love me after everything I’ve done? I don’t deserve it. I don’t deserve him.

“I meant what I said, Tay. There’s no one for me but you. Nobody I want but you.”

“Taylor, I love you. I’d be a fool not to.”

“I love you, too, Huck.” “I know.”

“I love you, Taylor.” Those words light me up, spreading warmth from my head to my toes. I’ll never get tired of hearing them. “I love you too, Huck.”

“I love him. I have for years, and I won’t stand here and listen to you break him down when he’s already been broken enough by one parent. We all make mistakes and do things we regret, but people can change. He’s the one for me, and if you can’t accept that, then this is the last time you’ll see me.”

“Did you mean it? What you said to your dad and Maisie about Taylor?” “What? They’ll never see me again if they can’t accept Taylor and I?” At his nod, I give him one of my own. “I meant every word. The way I feel about him, Loge...it’s everything. They’ve got him all wrong, and if they won’t take the time to understand him, then I want nothing to do with them. He’s my priority. I won’t lose him because of what they think.”

“Yeah. But I’m dying to be with you more.” He throws me a cheesy grin, which I roll my eyes at, even though I’m secretly pleased with his answer. Because honestly, I’ve been dying to be with him, too. For a very, very long time.

If it’s meant to be, they’ll find their way back to each other.” “Like me and you?” He asks softly, lips pressed against mine. “Yeah, Huck. Like me and you.”

“I just need you.” Always. Forever. In every way.

His very presence seems to strip every negative word and action from the walls, replacing them with his touch, his scent, the way he looks at me like I hung the moon. He’s the love of my life, and he’s slowly healing me, making me whole.

Now, we’re just Taylor and Huckslee. Two men who fell for each other despite every reason not to, every odd stacked against them. And if this love between us could blossom despite all of the bullshit, how could I have ever questioned that it wouldn’t survive a few months of separation out of the year? Our bond is stronger than that. I see it now. I feel it.

His thumbs brush away my tears as he continues, “It’s unfair that I should get a choice in coming out when you didn’t.” I open my mouth to tell him for the umpteenth time that I’ve forgiven him, but he holds up a hand to stop me. “I know we’ve already said our sorries and moved past it, so I won’t apologize again. But I want everyone to know I’m in love with you, Huckslee Davis. And I’m proud to call you mine.”

“Don’t worry, I’m not ready to be a football wife yet,” his shoulders shake with laughter, and I pull back to squint at him. “Yet?”

“Taylor, these last few months have made me the happiest I’ve ever felt. I thought I had a life in Cali–football and superficial friendships that never went deeper than the team or the parties. But being here with you, getting to know your circle, and growing closer to Logan, I’ve realized that the life I was living out there was a lie. It wasn’t me or the person I wanted to be. I’ve never been more myself than I have with you, and I don’t want to lose that.”

“You won’t,” I say, touching him again, cupping both hands on either side of his face. “I promise, Huckslee, I’m not going anywhere. Even if it means going without seeing you for months at a time. We can make this work.” He leans into my palm with a smile. “I know that now. I just wanted you to know, too. Know that I know. You know?” With another laugh, I pull him in for a kiss, my cock pressing into his beneath the seam of his pants. “Yes. I know. Now, will you please fuck me?”

Laying on our sides, we face each other as I trace the skin around his tattoo. “I can’t believe you did this.” “Why not? You have my name on you already.” I scoff as he kisses my inked knuckles. “Yeah, but I usually just tell people it says ‘fuck'. There’s no hiding yours.” “I don’t want to hide you,” he says softly, searching my face. “I’m going to love you loud, Taylor.”

“Yeah. It’s me and you, baby. Has been since the moment we kissed beneath the bleachers in eighth grade, and it will be for the rest of our lives. I’m not afraid of what the world thinks about us. I love you, and nothing they do or say can change that.”