Camera Shy (Lessons in Love, #1)

by Kay Cove

This one is for every single woman who feels less than, and is battling insecurity… It’s time to pick up your crown, Queen. Look in the mirror. You’ve been royalty all this time. Act like it.

“You are the perfect woman in every single way…” He ducks his head, ashamed. “Except the way that matters to me the most. I tried to get past it. You were always on the cusp of being beautiful, but then the business started and I handled my stress by working out and you handled it by…” Eating.

This is the reason I work so hard at my job. The reward is seeing a woman believe in her own magic. This certainly isn’t sex… But it’s most definitely connecting.

a brunette with her hair pulled up into a sloppy ponytail.

“So the idea is bold but feminine,”

It’s you, Aves. I’ve said it from day one. I’m just the numbers guy. You’re the talent. It’s your way with people.”

“Definitely. Eighty percent of being profitable is being visible. Yes, having a good product or service is important, but it really doesn’t matter unless customers know you exist. Most businesses fail not because they aren’t competitive. It’s just because people don’t know about them.”

“Apologizing about your body is ridiculous. Please don’t ever do that for me or for anyone else, okay?”

“But confidence starts with you. A man is going to treat you how you treat yourself. So please, for the love of God, act like a fucking queen.”

They were the prettiest shade of seafoam green,

I really, really like that she’s the only woman outside of Lennox who doesn’t see me as something to use or possess.

I would’ve never expected Avery to be a boss lady. She’s so down to earth and humble. It’s refreshing. There’s nothing that screams six figures about her raggedy T-shirts and faded pajama bottoms. I like that. I like her witty sass. I like how chill she is. I like— Oh, hell. I think I really like her. Fuck.

“For stress relief. It’s the only way I can work out my anxiety and frustration. So you may see a hot body”—I gesture to my chest—“but this is all the product of a lot of shitty stuff I’m working through.” I shrug. “Looks can be deceiving.”

“This is my pleasure to do, Queen.”

You’re beautiful. You’re worthy. Go ahead, girl, get yours.

It’s about impressing myself. I can do this. I can learn to appreciate more about myself than the business I created.

her thick, dark hair down. It’s hard to picture Avery without the sloppy bun. The woman in front of me is almost unrecognizable.

If you’d just take my hand and come upstairs, get under the covers with me, let me hold you, you’d know… It wasn’t just a hookup.

“If I were to tell you you’re great at your job as a brand consultant, what would you say?” “Thank you,” she says without hesitation. “Why?” I stroke my thumb across her soft, warm cheek, still holding her head up with my finger tucked under her chin. “Because I know. I’m great at my job because I work really hard. It doesn’t mean I can’t get better, but I know I’m good.” “Exactly. So when I tell you you’re beautiful…” I press my lips against hers. It’s hardly a kiss. Just a curious, reassuring touch. “Just know it… Say thank you.”

“No. Palmer, from you. I need support from you. Don’t tell me what to do. Just listen.” How long am I going to have to coach her on how to be a good friend? It’s been two decades. Don’t you know me by now? Can’t you understand what I need?

“That’s lazy.” “You know what?” I say, raising my brows. “It is lazy. How hard is that? It’s barely a sentence. ‘You look pretty.’ Not that hard, right?” Mason should’ve said it more. I deserved more than implied. “Not that hard at all,”

I would’ve been on my death bed never knowing I was unhappy. So, yes, I’m a little stunned right now because I’m running every single scenario in my mind and realizing how fucked-up it was. I thought I was being a good woman. Everything I did was to make him feel comfortable. He’s a slow-moving guy, so I learned to be patient. He’s impressed with a woman who works, so I built us a business from the ground up. He said he didn’t like materialistic, shallow women, so I didn’t spend my time and energy on that stuff. But here we are, four years later, and I don’t know who I am. I just know who Mason wanted me to be. And spoiler alert—being exactly who he said he wanted still wasn’t enough to keep him.” I blink at her, shocked at her candidness. How is she talking to me like this? Is this real? Women are just vulnerable and honest without being manipulative and playing mind games? Is this a thing? Where the fuck have you been, Avery?

Did I have it backward all this time? Are you supposed to be friends first and then fall in love? Maybe you should get to know the person before you’ve fallen for them.

“But change is uncomfortable. And I’d like to try again.”

“That word, ‘adorable.’ It cheapens what I’m doing. Finn doesn’t pity me. I think he’s actually really into me. We’re good together. Better than good. We’re over-the-top, hot together. And even if it’s just for the summer, I feel alive. I feel bold and brave, and for the first time in…ever, I’m learning to appreciate my body exactly the way it is. If you love me, please don’t poke at that or make a mockery of it. If you don’t have something kind to say, just don’t say anything.”

“I just want you to see yourself the way I do.”

But you don’t erase a lifetime of insecurities and doubt in a few weeks.

But I don’t know how else to get her in my studio. I know she doesn’t want me to document her body, but it’s not for me. It’s for her. She needs this. I’ve seen it so many times before. It’s why I got into boudoir photography. The pride I get when a woman finds her confidence and finally sees herself as all the things she never thought she was… It’s unrivaled. I like giving that gift.

“You two,” Penny says, pointing back and forth between us on opposite sides of the booth, “are perfect together.” Her eyes land on Avery again. “Hold on to him tight, honey. When a man calls you a queen every day, hold on damn tight.”

Royalty Airlines had a blue logo, but what they discovered at the turn of the century was that it was the matriarch of the household that was the one researching options and making the final decision on flights and travel. So, if the flight price points were competitive and a woman had to choose between very similar airline companies with masculine logos and colors, there was a slight advantage to appealing toward a more feminine style.”

“Exactly. After the rebrand, they went from the fifteenth most lucrative carrier in the United States to the second…because no one can compete with the American Airlines loyalty program.” Avery shrugs. “Glass ceilings, you know?” “All that because of a little color switch?” Avery shrugs with a sweet smile on her face. “It’s a little more complex than that, but yes. Pretty much. That’s the power of brand identity.”

Junior high is when I really noticed the stark difference between Palmer and me. My mom took a picture of us on the bus with our matching puffy paint T-shirts we made for the first day of school that read “Grown Girls,” because everyone knows at twelve years old, you’re totally equipped and ready to take on the world. I was so excited for Mom to get that picture developed. But the day she brought it home, my whole world changed. I ignored our big smiles and the bright-pink T-shirts we spent hours making for the first day of school. All I could see was how much thicker my arms and thighs were than Palmer’s. My chin was soft, and my cheeks were far fuller. I spent every waking minute with Palmer. She ate way more than I did. I actually enjoyed carrot sticks and cucumbers with ranch dip. Palmer’s version of healthy was baked Lays, fruit-flavored gummy bears, and Diet Coke. Yet we were growing so differently, and I seemingly had no control over it. I noticed we were different. And I haven’t been able to stop noticing since that day.

“She was just alive again. I asked her what changed, and she said her friend talked her into a boudoir photography shoot. She said she forgot how beautiful and powerful she was, but it helped her remember.

“I just want you to have that experience, Avery. Every woman should. It’s not that I want to get off to sexy pictures of you. I only want you to see how incredible you are and be brave enough to do this, because it makes me sick when I think of you being ashamed of your body. I want to give you the gift of loving yourself. And as selfish as that sounds, I want it to be from me. You asked for my help with intimacy, and this will help.”

I’ve never had to convince a board of directors that their company is worthy. It’s hard to get people to see something that’s so obvious when they are dead set on a misguided narrative.”

“SEO specialists aren’t exactly hard to come by. Their offer is for me and me alone—only if I can convince the board of directors to keep the company intact. Mason made up some story about how the CMO was a misogynist pig, but I think he suspected they were interested in bringing me on board, which is why he tried to keep a buffer between us. I might’ve gone behind his back and reached out anyway, which is why he’s so furious at me.” “Fuck him,” I mumble. “How’s the offer?”

“I was going to say, I think it’s very impressive how loyal and considerate you are.” I tap the tip of her nose affectionately. “Whatever decision you make is the right one. And if you hate it, it’s never too late to make a change.” She seems startled by my response, so I ask, “What?” “Nothing,” she mutters, yet her lips barely move and her words come out as more of a whisper as her eyes widen. “Nothing at all.” “What?” I ask again. “Tell me.” “I’m just really used to my friends—well, friend—telling me what decision to make. It’s refreshing to hear you say you think I’ll make the right choice.”

The new thing I’ve learned this summer is that skinny girls have insecurities about their bodies too. Lennox has clothes she wishes she could wear, but she doesn’t have the chest or hips to fill them out. Instead, when she’s out thrifting or discount clothes shopping, she’ll pick out items she loves and bring them to me, all the while telling me how envious she is of my body. I’ve known people to be considerate or polite about my plentiful curves, but never have I had people who celebrated my body…envied it, even.

The way Finn’s studio has been going, I may need an extra job. Can I work for you?” “Seriously?” I scrunch my face at her in surprise. “Yeah, I mean, I’m decent with graphic design, and there isn’t anything I can’t learn. Everything I know about photography, Finn taught me…so…” She shrugs. “I’m just really impressed by you. I’ve always known I wanted to go the entrepreneur path. I just wasn’t sure what to do or how to do it.” Hm, interesting. “If you’re serious, Lennox, I’ll help you. I’m in between things right now, but as soon as I figure out what’s going to happen with Legacy Resorts…one way or the other, I will help you.”

Nobody works a pole or a lap like Brielle.” “That’s lovely,” I deadpan. “My point is that she’s nearly twice your size. And she’s fucking beautiful. I think you see the world as very black and white. I don’t know what you think you know about Las Vegas and beauty standards, but I’m willing to bet you’re making wrong assumptions.”

So be happy. It’s right in front of you. Stop thinking you don’t deserve it.”

It isn’t selfish or unbecoming to be the star every now and then. It feels damn good to get dressed up and feel so sexy and so…womanly. I never understood that definition until today. Woman. That word. It’s power, but it’s tenderness. It’s control, but compromise. A woman can be all things, to all people, which is why she has to be so careful about what she chooses.

I chose to step back. I chose to be told how I should feel about myself. I chose to love everyone else more than I loved myself.

can’t wait to see the expression on my face because I imagine it’s complete. Satisfied. Finally… Confident.

Confidence feels like relief.

I’m beautiful to the core. I’m worthy of my own approval.

“Can I photograph you again?” “Yes,” I respond without hesitation.

“We make each other happy. We make each other feel secure. It’s easy. Just be with me.”

It’s in this moment that I realize I’m not the only one who was in an unhappy relationship. Where mine was bland and monotonous, Finn’s was boldly volatile. Still…we’re both survivors.

“Finn, may I teach you a love lesson for once?” “Sure.” “Don’t be with a woman who wants you to give up your friends for her. Be with a woman who wants to be a part of the things you like and love.”