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“Now, how do I get your heart, hm? What do I need to do to keep you? To convince you that you are exactly what I want?” He latches on to my clit again with his lips and drives me to the brink, making sure my toes are curling and my thighs are tensing before he pulls away again. “I need you to start falling in love with me now, Avery.”
It’s not different positions, dirty talk, or getting choked and your ass swatted. It’s trusting each other enough to be honest and ask for what you want and need—” “And the other person being willing to try,” I add. “That’s where I think both of our prior relationships fell flat. Nora didn’t trust”—he points to his chest—“and Mason didn’t try.” He points to me. “That’s why we’re good together. I don’t want to pressure you, Avery, but if you were here, I know I could make you happy.”
“You, hon, are the solution, not the problem.”
“Well, first thing to remember is that the way you and Finn have sex is very different from this, okay? You save all the emotional connection for just you guys. This is just physical. So just do what feels good, okay? Safe space.”
Stop boxing everybody into good guys and bad guys. That’s not how life works. People are messy. People make mistakes. Some people are worth just going through shitty dumpster fires with because there’s something great on the other side.”
She told me to sit down and make a list of all of my deal breakers for a relationship with you. So I tried, and I couldn’t come up with any.” “What do you mean?” “There’s nothing I wouldn’t endure to be with you. Because”—he clears his throat—“you told me in the champagne room that my lips feel like home.” I blush a little at my heat-of-the-moment declaration of affection. I meant it, though. “Well, your heart feels like home to me.
Mason I’m coming clean to Avery after the Legacy deal is secured. We’re over, Palmer. For good this time. I want her back.
This is my best friend and my ex-boyfriend. Of all the people to rebound with. How they hell could they do this to me?
“Everything I know about how to be in a relationship of any kind came from you. It was symbiotic. You’re a taker, so naturally, I became a giver. I became a giver to everybody. Including Mason. He wanted a nice girl, a homebody, no drama, hard worker…”
“Just be honest. How long? I at least know you tried to talk him out of proposing to me. That’s all I needed for our friendship to be over. So tell me the truth. You’ve got nothing to lose. You’ve got no one left to lose.” Her face goes ghost white and red splotchy patches form on her cheeks as her eyes fill with tears. “Since your first date,” she says through cries. “I’ve loved him as long as you have.”
My voice grows cold once more, and the tears I’ve held back for so long, from hating myself in pictures, from all the crushes who picked Palmer, from getting dumped, from all the mean girls who hated seeing me with Finn, from the feelings of inadequacy as a woman… I let them flow… So I can finally let them go. Because now I know the source of all this insecurity in my heart. It was because I wasn’t just ignoring the red flags. I was wrapped in the warning flag for twenty goddamn years in the form of my best friend.
“But I’m going to be okay because once I cut the dead weight, I’m going to feel free and happy. For you, however, I hope the anchor of shame, guilt, and loneliness drags you to the bottom of the ocean so you can drown in how pathetic you are.”
I drive away… Changed.
let happiness build my goals.
I think about Finn’s photography business and how nervous he is to take risks. How he needs me to hold his hand through some of the riskier aspects of small business ownership. He’s such a manly man, it’s quite endearing to see him nervous about something. He has a gap that I can actually help fill, and it feeds my soul.
“Fish Lady, I’ve replaced that Cherry Barb three times since you’ve been here. You didn’t notice? The twitchy one you’re talking about died weeks ago.”
I’ve decided, I like being comfortable but with a little effort.
This is nice. This, I like. This feels like me.
that I would be offering long-term services as a brand strategist and marketing consultant under a new boutique name: Queen Consulting, which would be based out of Las Vegas.
