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Lo retorts, pointing at my Ducati like it violated me. I would actually love to be violated on that motorcycle by Ryke Meadows. I wonder how rough he would take me. Or if I would even be able to orgasm at all.
OH
“You’re not good enough for her,” he says. “You realize that, right?” Ryke’s jaw locks, and his shoulders tense. “I care about Daisy just as much as you, if not more, so you don’t need to pull this overprotective bullshit on me.”
RYKE IS GOOD ENOUGH FOR DAISY THO?
She looks like a perfect match beside the ever-confident Connor Cobalt.
Lo’s face contorts in a series of emotions, and Lily reaches out and wraps her arm around his waist. He calms down by the single touch.
His eyes meet Lo’s and they soften for him.
AW
But I think my health is the best when I’m with Ryke. Sleeping without him has been nearly impossible. I need the reassurance at night, the confidence of another person in order to sleep without fear. Otherwise, I can’t even get an hour of shuteye. But I’m not keeping Ryke at gunpoint. If he wants to leave, I’d let him. And I guess I’d have to find someone to replace him. I’m not even sure that’s possible though. Maybe in my heart, I just know that I only want Ryke Meadows.
OMG
They think I have this massive crush on Ryke, and while I do like him, I understand more than anyone what we can and cannot do. I’ve accepted that reality for so long that the fantasy is always us being together.
They both smile when I do. That lights up any black spots that dotted my heart. But it’s not enough to take away the panic that I’ll feel come nighttime. Sometimes I wish it could be daylight forever. I wish that I could be with these five people and never have to face the world alone.
He picks out granola cereal from another cabinet, his favorite brand.
not her knowing his favourite cereal brand??
“Funny. But love isn’t causing you these problems.” “How do you know?” I ask. He extends his arms. “I’m sorry, where are all the guys you’ve been dating while I’ve been sleeping in your fucking bed?” “I could be in love with you.” I throw out this line, wondering if he’ll reel me in, but he just gives me a hard stare. “Are you?” he taunts back, not stepping down from this. He puts me on the defensive. I want to say yes. But am I in love with Ryke? How do I know? “I’m not sure.” “Well, be damn fucking sure about this,” Ryke says, “any love that I fucking give will never hurt a woman.” He passes
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“Don’t be a fucking mannequin.” “I’m not.” “Really? Because I see a girl who has another person’s thoughts, another person’s desires and dreams.” “I think that’s a puppet.” “Don’t be a fucking puppet then.”
he knows her so well
“Eat your fucking cereal,” he says roughly. I do. Four spoonfuls later, Ryke looks pleased. I like when he’s satisfied. I like when I do right by all people, but it’s just hard when my mom stands at one end and my sisters, Ryke, Connor and Lo stand at the other. They outnumber her, but my mom raised me. Isn’t that a trump card? He watches me eat, making sure that I’m not fibbing. “This cereal sucks,” I tell him on the tenth bite. “It’s healthy, but if you want chocolate, there’s ice cream in the freezer.” I practically moan. “Don’t tempt me.” He almost smiles. “After Fashion Week, you promise
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THE ANGST
He’s close enough that all I have to do is wrap my arms around his chest for a hug. He’s my wolf, and I seriously wonder if he’ll bite me today. I don’t think twice. I hug him, and his body goes rigid. I look up, neither of us retracting.
He stays quiet for a long time, both of us unmoving from this position. It’s dangerous to be like this after the garage incident, but I think we’re equally attracted to that danger.
His thumb grazes my cheek. “You look fucking exhausted.” “I napped.” “You don’t fucking nap,” he says. “I shut my eyes this afternoon. What do you call that?” “Shutting your fucking eyes,” he deadpans. A smile breaks through my face. I laugh, and then I lean forward and rest my cheek against his chest. I close my eyes, and his body stiffens again. He’s warm. I listen to the faint sound of his heart for a second, and I swear it speeds. But maybe that’s just me hoping that I have some sort of effect on Ryke Meadows.
“What are you doing?” he asks roughly. His hands return to my head, making me realize that I’m smaller than him. It’s hard finding guys taller than me, which is why I’ve gravitated towards models in the past. “Sleeping,” I say with a smile. “When did I become your fucking pillow?” he asks lightly. “Shhh,” I whisper, “it’s safe here.” Just when I anticipate Ryke drawing away from me, he surprises me and kisses the top of my head.
AW OMG, i love that she feels so safe with him (even in possibly dangerous situations)
“What’s the photo of?” I ask curiously, rinsing the cereal bowl. “The three of us eating lunch at Lucky’s downtown. The press can keep saying I’m banging your fucking sister, but we all know it’s a load of—” “Shit,” I finish. “Bullshit.” I mock gasp. “Fucking bullshit.” He stares at me with harshness that would intimidate most people. But I don’t back down. My eyes stay locked on his piercing ones, and then his lips slowly rise. “When did your mouth get so fucking dirty, Calloway?” he asks. “The moment I became friends with you.” “Good on me then,” he says, messing my hair with a rough hand.
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he's so protective
“He can’t keep up with you,” Ryke says, sidling next to me.
i think ryke is the only person who can actually keep up with daisy
“What makes you think that you can keep up with me more than Mikey?” I ask. He leans close again. “Because,” he says, “I’m the one who taught you how to ride a motorcycle.” I smile. Yes he did.
i want him to teach me how to read a motorcycle
I pass the foot of the bed and raise my eyebrows at her in jest, and I catch her small smile before I disappear into the bathroom. I check behind the shower curtain, just because I’d feel like a fucking ass if I lied to her by not doing it. And the percentage of someone breaking into her room again and hiding in the bathtub is higher than I can stomach. If I didn’t check and that happened—I’d never fucking forgive myself.
i love that he's like her personal bodyguard
“Dais,” I say, coming around to her side of the bed. “I just fucking checked there.” I grab her pill bottle off the nightstand. I rest a knee on the mattress so I’m near her, and I block her view of the window. “Hey.” My heart starts to hammer. “Yeah…” She blinks a few times and then gives me the weakest fucking smile I’ve ever seen. Aggravated, I throw the bottle at her face, and she catches it before it hits her. “Can you check again?” she asks. “Sure.” I hand her the water, and I go back to the window. Her eyes widen and her chest rises as I show her it’s locked. The moment I try to lift
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he's actually so sweet
She’s in a pair of cotton yellow shorts and a tank top that says: Shut the Fucupcakes. I dissed her fucking love of cupcakes three days ago, and I was waiting for her to bring out that shirt. I’m not surprised she chose the last night we have together to wear it.
he knows her so well lmao
For fuck’s sake, I was there when she talked to three different sleep disorder physicians about her condition. She’s taken EEGs. She’s been through multiple sleep studies. They all advise her to take the fucking pills. Because without Ambien, she won’t sleep at all. She suffers from insomnia, post-traumatic stress, and the only thing that can really help her is therapy, which she goes to routinely.
him going with her to speak to doctors is so sweet omg
Parasomnia, the moments between wakefulness and sleep—yeah, I’ve learned all about it. She hasn’t had anything better than that in over six months.
not him researching about it omg, he really cares about her
I wish I could take away her problems. I’m not used to being unable to fix things, and it hurts, having to watch her go through this while I pretend that my presence is a fucking solution. I lean over her so she’s staring right at me.
She shuts her eyes, and I near her under the covers so she feels my body heat. I’ve been doing this long enough to know what calms her down and what triggers her fear. We’re a couple inches apart, and I already see a layer of sweat building on her forehead. “Shhh,” I whisper. “You’re safe.” I rub her arm, and she scoots closer to me. We’re no longer a fucking inch or so apart. Her legs intertwine with mine like it’s the most natural position. She turns, her back against my chest, my arm around her waist, my cock pressing on her ass, but she probably doesn’t hone in on this last fact as much as
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I thought telling her that I’ve heard her moan in arousal would embarrass her, so I kept quiet. But during a sleep study, she did it anyway, and so she knows. Daisy didn’t look mortified when she found out. I forgot that she’s not Lily. She’s a lot less ashamed and a lot more brazen and probably five times as crazy. She just told me that if she does it again, I need to leave her bed immediately so she doesn’t accidentally rape me. She read that it could happen with sleepsex, and I told her that she’s out of her fucking mind if she thinks she’s going to rape me, asleep or awake.
i love how much they trust each other and want to protect each other
I wish I was so deep inside of her right now. Her back arches. “Ryke!” At least she thinks I am.
OMG
The difference: there’s no endgame for me. I don’t have the girl at the finish. I’m not chasing after her. I’m just helping her, and when that’s done, we’re both supposed to move on.
They turn into that delicate face, the one that bursts into a breathtaking smile, the one that can light up a city.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper with a heavy breath. All the energy drains from me in a single instant. It’s like I used everything I had in that moment of panic. “What did I fucking say about apologizing?” I hold onto his forearm, and he keeps me upright with his body and his other hand.
aw omg
“You could be my number seven.” “Daisy…” He shoots me a look. My stomach twists. “You’re really okay with me fucking another guy?” I imagine him with someone else, and it makes me physically ill. I don’t want him to date another girl, and I know it’s wrong of me to feel that way, but how do I change these emotions? How do I let them go? Maybe he’s right. Maybe we do have to date other people to get over this. “It doesn’t matter what I fucking feel,” he says. “I’m seven years older than you.” “You just turned twenty-five a week and a half ago.” He has literally only been seven years older for
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they're so close to going too far over the line
“I don’t want to lead you on, Dais. We can’t fucking happen. I’m just here to help you until you can sleep better.” Maybe I should stop torturing myself then and just try to move on too. “I can find someone in Paris, and if not, I’ll just fly solo. I’ve done that a lot. Maybe I’ll make a lasting friend from New York,” I say. “I can move out there when I come back, and I’ll start over—” “You would move out to New York?” He frowns. “I don’t know…maybe,” I say softly. He abruptly reaches out and draws me to his chest. He’s hugging me. Willingly. But this feels more like a goodbye than anything
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they're actually thunder by lan del rey coded
But he makes no attempt to leave me alone with my mom, too worried about me to do so.
I was really, really close to flying over the handlebars of my bike. I applied too much throttle around a curve. I’ve never seen Ryke so scared before, but when we met in a parking lot, he looked like he wanted to simultaneously hug me for being alive and kill me for almost making a fatal mistake.
have to go. I meet Ryke’s gaze, and he just shakes his head. “I don’t want to fucking leave you like this,” he says. “I’ll be fine.” “Are you going to be able to last the whole flight, sitting in your fucking seat, not able to get up and move around that much?” It sounds more confining now than it did a couple hours ago, only because my mom suffocated me with this news. “I don’t have much of a choice.” “We all have choices,” he says. “Some are just harder to make than others.” “Don’t worry about me,” I tell him. “I want you to go to California and climb those mountains.” I pause. “And be
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omg, why do i feel like i'm going to cry?? (listening to ryder by madison beer doesn't help tbh)
Daisy is gone. With the time difference, I haven’t even had the chance to talk to her. She’s too busy to fucking call at a decent hour, and so I have no idea if she’s sleeping or if she’s been awake for two days straight. I can’t stop thinking about the last look on her face—the one of pure devastation. Like someone physically ripped out an organ from her body. I’ve seen that expression before, and it only comes when she feels trapped. I just have to trust that she’s fine. And I try to ignore the fact that I gave her permission to fuck other guys. I hated that, and even knowing that she may be
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he cares about her so much omg
“Hey princess, you want to compete at chin-ups?” Lo fucking hates doing them, so he can watch and count. “I don’t know,” Connor says with a casual tone. “Will you cry when I beat you? If so, then yes.” “Just get your ass to the pull-up bar.” Lo stretches his arms. “Hey, don’t talk about his ass like that.” “You’re making my first love jealous,” Connor banters, heading to the bar with me. I’ve become used to their flirty fucking banter. They’re best friends. They’ve lived together for almost two years. They have a much better relationship with each other than I do with either of them
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LMAO
I smack his chest, hoping he’d flinch from the playful attack, but he flexes instead, and I hit muscle. “Fuck you,” I tell him easily. He grins. “You love me.” “You say that to everyone,” I tell him. “And I highly fucking doubt the entire world loves you, Cobalt.” “The entire world doesn’t have to love me,” he says, picking up his water again. “Only the ones that matter.” “That’s cute. Did you write that in your diary this morning?” “No, I read it from yours,” he banters.
LMAO
“Fuck rehab, I’ll make sure you don’t drink. It’ll be a road trip out west. You and me.” “The wind in your hair,” Connor adds, smiling as he sips his water. “Shut the fuck up,” I say lightly. Lo’s face sharpens as he thinks about this. He glances at Connor, then at me before he says, “If I go with you, I think Connor should come too.” I glare because I can feel Connor gloating beside me. “Why?” “Why?” Connor says like it’s the stupidest question ever. I feel like he’s about to say Because I’m me. I have to stop him before I choke on his fucking arrogance. “Seriously,” I say to Lo. “He has a
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LMAO
I’ll always love my mom because she’s my mother. But I can’t ever forgive her for what she’s done to me, to Lily, to the Calloway girls, my brother and inadvertently Connor. She read my personal texts to Lo, where we talked about Lily’s sex addiction. And she sold the information to the media with the headline: Daughter of Fizzle Creator and CEO is Confirmed Sex Addict. Selling Lily out wasn’t just for money. It was to hurt Lo, and that way, she’d hurt Jonathan. But she also fucking hurt me.
i love how loyal he is
Connor scrolls through his phone, more agitation passing across his features than I think he’d want to show. “Your shipment of handcuffs not come in, sweetheart?” I ask him before picking my sub back up in two hands. “Hoping I’ll cuff you to my bed?” he banters, his face returning to that impassive, unreadable state. “I’d make good on your fantasies, but Rose would be pissed at the claw marks on the headboard.” “Now I have claws?” I say with raised eyebrows. He combats me by arching one. That fucker. “You’re lucky. I don’t usually let dogs sleep in my bed, but I’m willing to make an
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LMAO
Both Connor and Lo are glaring the hell out of me, hearing bits and pieces of both the girls’ voices without understanding what’s going on. I think Cobalt may snatch the fucking phone from my hand. Off my gaze, he says, “Rose isn’t answering my texts.” That’s where his agitation stemmed from—he can sense when things aren’t right better than anyone.
Lo climbs out first, heading towards Lily who unsurprisingly bites her nails and flips through an instruction manual, a canister of pepper spray in her back pocket. The minute she sees him, her whole body lifts, and my brother—he wears a smile that’s rare in anyone else’s presence but hers. I’ve never really seen love until I saw them together, truly.
AW
He kisses her temple. “I’m just happy you’re okay.” This causes her to smile again. It’s cute. All of it. But it’s also annoying the hell out of me because I think of Daisy. Normally she’d be here too. Normally she’d be standing over my shoulder, peering at the car and helping me out. Instead, I know I’m going to have to jack the Escalade by my fucking self and put in the spare. The couples are paired off, and I’m left alone this time. Maybe a year ago, I would have been used to being the fifth wheel. Not anymore. Now it’s frustrating.
not him thinking about daisy during a mundane task omg
I act like I can’t understand them. They think I’m just as clueless about the foreign language as Lily and Lo, but I’ve been fluent since I was a little kid. I just don’t feel like explaining why I know French to anyone. It’s easier to ignore it.
OH, he's really a man of many talents
Connor studies Rose’s features, realizing she’s not being honest either. Rose says, “You knew what you were getting into when you married me.” “A lifetime of challenges.” His lips rise. “Il n'y a rien de mieux.” There is nothing better. She almost softens at his words. He strokes her glossy hair and then kisses her forehead.
I feel like the only normal one. But that’s a load of crap. None of us are really normal. We’re all just strange pieces in the world. And the half that usually connects with me is thousands of miles away, in Paris. I just hope she’s sleeping. If I picture her in a peaceful fucking slumber, I stop worrying. It’s the only thing keeping me grounded, keeping me right fucking here. Without that image, I’d lose my shit.
OMG, MY HEART
But when Ryke started teaching me how to ride a motorcycle, he convinced me to stop smoking. I haven’t touched a cigarette since. I don’t crave the nicotine at all.
i'm so glad he cares so much about her health when other don't
I am stationary. Basically no more human than an article of clothing that a PA carries on a hanger.
