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No amount of Gilmore Girls is going to distract me enough not to feel the pain of being not just dumped but double dumped. Dumped by two people at the same time.
I’m tired of bending over backward for the sake of others.
“I know you’re not my little girl anymore, Jade. I just thought you wanted to come back home and stay with me because…hell, I don’t know. Growing up is hard. I wanted you to always know that no matter what, I’d take care of you. Especially since your mom…”
“I believe you. I just think…I’m going to move out soon.”
“And if a man hurts you, I’ll throw his body in the ocean.”
“Or…” my dad says without looking into my eyes. “I could just fire him.”
“Of course I know. I’m not blind or stupid. You two have been making eyes at each other since you came home from school.”
“I’m mad that you haven’t told me. And I’m furious at him, but…”
“You’re a smart girl, Jade. And no matter how much I hate it, you’re an adult now. You can do whatever you want.”
“I don’t want to know any details, but I’m serious when I say that if he ever uses you or hurts you, I will make him pay.”
My dad doesn’t need to know that I was the one instigating the truly dirty things we got up to at that office. What he needs to know is that Clay is not the man he thinks he is.
“I’m not trying to fix all of your problems or take care of you, but I’ll still give you a hug when you need it. And offer my old-man advice, of course.”
“Nothing is perfect, Cupcake. Not love or relationships. And there is no guarantee that it will last forever, but not every good relationship needs to last forever. You can be happy with a person for however long it lasts. The best you can do is give love a chance.”
“I was wrong for what I said to you that day on the boat. I was bitter about your mother leaving. But I realized that…I’m glad I married her. The twenty-four years we had were amazing. We kept each other happy, and we were never alone. Just because it ended doesn’t mean there weren’t great moments.”
“Then talk to him. Don’t leave anything unsaid. If he truly cares, he’ll listen.”
And if it doesn’t work out, then it doesn’t work out. Part of growing up is getting my heart broken. Should it come down to that, I’ll survive.
“I’m in love with your daughter.”
“Jade and I have been dating secretly for six months, and it was wrong of me to lie to you. Wrong to you and wrong to her. She deserves better than that. So I’m apologizing now. I’m sorry. But I do love her. I love her more than anything. I’ve never met someone so strong and kind, and honestly, I probably don’t deserve her, but I have to at least admit how much I care about her. She makes me unbelievably happy.”
“I know she’s your daughter. I know I crossed a line, and that was incredibly inappropriate of me. And I understand if you have to fire me—”
“Will you shut the fuck up?” he says, and my mouth closes immediately.
“Honestly, I figured it out a long time ago.” “You did?” I ask in shock. “I didn’t want to believ...
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“Because you’re a good investor, Bradley. And deep down—against my better judgment—I know you’re a good guy. And there are far worse men my daughter could get tangled up with.”
“Don’t thank me. I wanted to throw you off the side of my boat, but Jade wouldn’t let me.”
“Well, she just spent the weekend crying in her bedroom and watching an ungodly amount of Gilmore Girls, so it would seem you have some more apologizing to do.”
“Now get out of here. Go apologize. And if you hurt her, you die.”
“You really love her?”
“Yes, Will. I do. Very much.”
“I’m so sorry, Jade. I’m sorry I lied about my relationship with Eden. I’m sorry I kept us a secret from your dad for so long. I’m sorry I never told you how much I love you.”
“I love you, too.”
“I never felt good enough for you,” I say. “I know,” she replies. “But yo...
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“I can’t bear the thought of losing both of you.”
“I wish you didn’t have to lose anyone.”
“But if we’re going to lose her, at least we can do it together.”
Except now, instead of feeling the pain myself, I have to watch Jade feel it too. And it’s worse.
With time, I hope we can be enough for each other. What choice do we have? I’d be a fool to hope for more with Eden. I’ve lost her twice now. I won’t try again.
And I refuse to put Jade through that. For now, I’ll focus on being everything she needs.
“You sent those two extra invites for me, didn’t you?” He clears his throat. “Yes, I did.” “Thank you.” “Anytime,” he replies softly.
I’m holding out hope that they will be there.
I need to suck it up, swallow my pride, and grovel my ass off, as Emerson suggested. But…I’m scared. Terrified. What if it doesn’t work?
What if they use their good judgment to never forgive me? I don’t deserve to be forgiven, not just like that. I fucked up.
I obliterated Jade’s feelings to protect my own, and it doesn’t matter how sick I am over missing them. If I don’t make things right, then they will move on, living happily ever after, and I’ll be stuck here alone. I can’t bear the...
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What good is trying again if nothing has changed?
“Just say you’re sorry and that you love him, and then him and Jade can come over for movie night.”
How simple children are. Why can’t adults be like this? Apologize. Love. Be happy. Like it’s all that easy. I wish it were.
“It’s okay, Mama. I’ll protect you.”
And maybe Jack’s right. It is that simple.
I’m sorry.
It’s not some eloquent statement, but it’s the only true thing I can say at the moment. I am sorry. I just hope it’s enough.
Before I drift off, I realize that I will never, ever be able to prevent things from changing in my son’s life. And I think when I built this life for us, I did so thinking that it was something I could promise him forever, but it’s not. There are no promises or guarantees.
Jack has people who love him and want to be in his life.
