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Then he threw it all away for an easy smile and a knife in his back. He paid the price for carelessness, not treason. Instead of a prison sentence, he has a year of exile from all Varan churches, before he returns for his final trial.
He’s too enraptured by the man’s aura, the waves of warm and light coming from him. They’re not even touching, but Shae feels warmer than he has in months.
This is the worst part, the wondering and waiting, before someone leaves.
“I’m going to Lyrisenia, where I want to banish a demon. I can handle the demon, but I need protection on the journey there.” If I can’t handle Izen, I’m dead anyway.
He knows what this pain is, and he knows it will pass. It’s the reason he’s returning to Charain and Lyrisenia now, after years of wandering abroad and running from remembered hurts. Another line of the binding array has broken. If the whole thing falls, Izen will be free. And Shae will be stuck with this cursed magic forever.
Duchess is the first creature he’s met in ten years who hasn’t flinched at the sight of him. She doesn’t know he’s a necromancer, and she doesn’t care.
When he closes his eyes, his wrist still burns sweet from the grasp earlier this morning.
“It means I trusted the wrong man, and he brought harm to the order.” Arthur shakes his head and laughs bitterly. “Sorry, that’s so vague. He used me to get into the temple, and he stole a relic. He killed a priest while he was escaping. I was deemed involved but not responsible, so I was sentenced to a year of penance before my final trial.”
“Ten years.” When Arthur’s brow furrows, Shae realizes his mistake. The man isn’t stupid, and the math is easy. Sure enough, Arthur’s next question gets to the heart of the matter. “Wait, how old are you?”
His penance still hurts plenty when he keeps it secret. He doesn’t need to tell the truth. He just needs to undo his mistake and forget all of this ever happened.
The paladin’s probably the nicest bodyguard Shae’s ever hired. The worst part is that it won’t matter. He’ll still leave in the end. Everyone does.
Not that he would know how to act on them, even if he wasn’t scared of chasing Arthur away. He’s had neither the will nor the opportunity to pursue any sort of friendship, much less a lover. The only people interested in him have been people like that Riverswords mercenary back in Andell. The type who’ll go for anyone, as long as they’re too weak and alone to fight back.
He’s a weird, prickly bastard, but he likes Arthur’s horse, and that counts for more than it should.
Why the fuck is he being so nice to me?
Maybe the Radiant Order only accepts helpful human-shaped herding dogs. The man smiles at him. Which probably doesn’t mean anything. Arthur’s the sort of man who smiles at everyone. Shae’s just not used to counting as everyone.
“I’m not squeamish,” Arthur snaps back. And Shae isn’t great at reading people, but Arthur looks more angry than disgusted. “Excuse me for reacting the same way anyone would react to you taking a blade to yourself.”
Memory shudders through him. Burning eyes. A shadow caress. Cold claws in his hands, blood trickling down his wrists, a promise of power. A price he didn’t understand.
He could be a god like this, feeding off the spirits of the dead, just like the vaidkos. Greater than the vaidkos. If he just dropped the last protective wall surrounding his soul. If he turned himself fully over to Izen’s gift, he wouldn’t feel cold anymore.
Shae’s nothing like Ronan. He isn’t sweet. But more and more, Arthur wants to know what bitterness tastes like.
Nobody’s cared about Shae that much since his parents, and they’re ten years gone.
Strong enough to do anything except extricate himself from Arthur’s comfortable embrace. He’s never felt this comfortable in his life,
He wonders if that’s the expression that crossed his face, the first night he saw Shae. He remembers his instinctive revulsion. No wonder Shae’s prickly.
he feels a little guilty about how much he enjoyed waking up with Shae curled up against him.
it.” He hands over everything Shae’s paid him so far plus a fair amount more, then exits with the ring in a velvet bag, tucked hidden in the inside pocket of his belt pouch.
sunlit waters. “No.” “Then why have you been avoiding me all day?” Shae fiddles with one of his rings again. “I thought you could probably use some space, after, well. I was really clingy last night, and I know that can be annoying.” Arthur frowns. “Have people told you that in the past?” “Not in so many words, but I’m not an idiot.” Arthur’s not an idiot either, and he recognizes the possessiveness surging up in him. He hates the idea of Shae cuddling up to past unknown swords for hire. But he hates the idea of Shae being shoved aside even more.
“I don’t mind the clingy thing,” Arthur says, because all right, maybe he is an idiot. “You don’t have to worry about that with me.” “You say that now,” Shae says darkly, but he blushes as he says it, and Arthur’s heart flips in his chest.
Gods, Arthur’s going to kill him if he keeps saying crazy things like I trust you on this.
his power resettles beneath his heart. It’s easier than it’s ever been before, with Arthur’s thumb gently stroking the side of his neck, easing away the tension.
The sand is pouring through the hourglass. Shae doesn’t know how much is left. It might be time to tell Arthur the truth about his journey. The whole truth.
“I’m twenty-two.”
Shae hasn’t been punching walls for the past ten years. He’s been too busy punching holes in himself.
All right, so that wasn’t the whole truth. He chickened out at the last minute.
Maybe it’s just a job to Arthur, maybe it’s just a paladin thing, but right now, it doesn’t matter. Shae just likes the way Arthur acts like he cares about him.
Shae feels a warm, fleeting pressure on the top of his head, so quick he might have imagined it. If it wasn’t impossible, he would think it was a kiss.
“What kind of idiot would kiss a necromancer?” “In my defense,” Arthur says, “you’re a very attractive necromancer.”
“I want to suck your cock,” he murmurs into Shae’s heated skin. “Is that all right with you?”
“How’re you doing?” Arthur asks, and he has every right to look that smug. Shae’s breath hitches. “Doing fine.” “Fine,” Arthur repeats, laughing. The corners of his eyes crinkle. “Yeah. Lovely weather we’re having, huh?”
bright white magic flares around the hand on Shae’s stomach. The energy blazes through them, lighting Shae’s every nerve with impossible pleasure.
“I want this to be the start of something.” Arthur leans forward, focused entirely on him. “And I’m not eager to part ways that quickly.”
The start of something. After ten years of endings, Shae likes the sound of that.
One year ago, Ronan’s blade slipped through his skin and muscle. Precisely angled not to kill him, but the poison swept straight through his bloodstream.
He’s never met anyone so responsive to the simplest things before.
“It’s warm,” Shae says quietly. “But it’s more than that. If you could taste sunlight, it would taste like you. I haven’t felt the heat of summer in so long, I’ve forgotten what it felt like. I’ve spent so long just trying to be less cold. Actually being warm was a pathetic fantasy.” “Shae,” Arthur starts, heart pounding, but thin fingers cover his lips. “When I’m near you,” Shae whispers, “I feel alive.”
it’s no secret how little Shae likes any other person they’ve encountered—but
“Last time I was here, nobody looked twice at me. I didn’t have the rings and charms yet. I didn’t know I’d need them. I didn’t feel the cold yet.”
“You’ve been one of my best paladins since the day you graduated, and I always thought someday you might replace me. But this whole situation is getting too political, and the Exalted Circle needs more scapegoats than just Vizia.”
Everyone around him has the same sun-bright aura as Arthur, to varying degrees.
friends. Arthur fits in with them, and he doesn’t realize they’re being assholes to Shae because they aren’t assholes to him. Because people treat people like Arthur differently than they treat people like Shae.
Even if he stays for a couple days, even if he stays for a month, he can’t compete with Arthur’s precious order. He can’t handle staying and watching as Arthur draws further and further away. “Fine,” he says coldly. “Good luck with that.” He steps away to start untying Sparrow.
Arthur’s calling is more important to him than anything else. He was always just passing time with Shae, waiting for a reason to leave Shae behind. Even though he was kind. Even though he saw through Shae’s defenses to the heart he wanted so badly to hide. That connection was enough for Shae to drop his guard. But it wasn’t enough to make Arthur stay.
