The Let Them Theory: A Life-Changing Tool That Millions of People Can't Stop Talking About

by Mel Robbins

Step E: END your bitching or END the relationship.

I said that two things are required to make a relationship go the distance: Both people want the relationship to work and are both willing to work on it to make it better. The issues that create problems do not require either person to give up their dreams or compromise their values.

The fact is, 69 percent of the problems in your relationship are not resolvable. This statistic comes from 40 years of scientific research conducted by Drs. John and Julie Gottman, the most famous relationship researchers on the planet (who also happen to be married). They’ve found that the #1 issue that couples fight about is things that will never change: like how someone runs late, or isn’t as ambitious as you would like, or they spend every weekend in front of the TV, or their hobbies are different from yours, or they are messy, or they are a homebody, or they have different political opinions.

Drs. John and Julie Gottman’s research says that if you are constantly fighting about the same stuff and going around and around, it’s probably because of a profound difference between your and your partner’s personalities and your deepest hopes and dreams.

When you stop chasing validation from others and start choosing to honor yourself, you send a powerful message to the world about how you deserve to be treated.