The Let Them Theory

by Mel Robbins

I remember what a revelation it was when I thought to myself, Wait a minute, I can feel horrible and still do what I need to do? Yes, Mel, you can. And it worked.

The 5 Second Rule taught me that action is the answer. Thinking

about your problems will never solve them. Waiting around to feel like doing something means you’ll never do it. It taught me that no one is coming to save you. You must save yourself from yourself. You have to force yourself to make little moves forward, all day, every day, especially when you don’t feel like it.

Small, Consistent Action Changes Everything

Waiting for someone to come along and tell you that today is the day to start. The problem with waiting is no one is coming. The only

permission you need is your own.

Learning how to push yourself to take action when you are afraid or full of self-doubt or overwhelmed with excuses is a life skill

you can learn. Once you master it, you’ll understand that you can achieve anything through small, consistent moves forward.

You’ll never feel ready to change your life. One day, you just get tired of your own excuses and force yourself to do

it. You’re never going to feel like going to the gym. One day you just make yourself go. You’re never going to feel like having that hard conversation. One day you just get sick of avoiding it, and you force yourself to have

it. You’ll never feel like looking for a better job. One day you just push yo...

The reality is, no matter how hard you try or what you do, you cannot control other people. And yet, you live your life as if you can.

The problem isn’t you. The problem is the power you unknowingly give to other people.

The truth is, other people hold no real power over you unless you give it to them. Here’s why this works: When you stop trying to control things that aren’t yours to control, you stop wasting your energy. You reclaim

your time, your peace of mind, and your focus. You realize that your happiness is tied to your actions, not someone else’s behavior, opinions, or mood.

So much time and energy

is wasted on forcing other people to match our expectations. And the truth is, if somebody else—a person you’re dating, a business partner, a family member—if they’re not showing up how you need them to show up, do not try to force them to change. Let Them be

themselves because they are revealing who they are to you. Just Let Them and then you get ...

No matter how hard you try, you will never be able to control or

change another person. The only person you are in control of is you. Your thoughts, your actions, your feelings.

I would have tried to pretend it didn’t bother me. I would have tried to convince myself that I didn’t care. I would have tried to rationalize it over and over in my mind. I would have turned my

friends into villains to make me feel better. All of which would have made me feel worse and withdraw even more from these women who I genuinely liked.

realized something important: Let Them wasn’t about giving in. It was about releasing myself from the control I never had in the first place.

I’m a fixer by nature. I’ve spent most of my life believing that if I didn’t step in, if I didn’t manage the situation, things would fall apart.

When we’re in control, we believe we can protect ourselves from pain, disappointment, rejection.

Trying to control people and situations doesn’t calm your fears. It amplifies them. Any psychologist will tell you, the more you try to control something you can’t, the more anxious

and stressed out you become.

Focus on yourself, because that’s where your true power lies.

When you say Let Them, you’re practicing emotional detachment. You create a mental gap between your emotions and the situation at hand, allowing yourself to observe what’s happening without being consumed by it. The result? You remain calm, clearheaded, and in control of your actions.

You reclaim your power by choosing how you respond.

Let Them show you who they are. Their disrespect doesn’t say anything about you. How you respond does. Stop asking why they are doing this. The question is, why do you want

to be with someone who does this to you? You don’t.

The way I reacted to their trip is what hurt me.

Your reaction is what tips the scales and changes the dynamic between you and someone else.

It’s about giving other people the space and the grace to live their lives—and then giving yourself the same.

Your silence can’t be misquoted.

You are never stuck. That’s a lie you tell yourself.

It’s easy to put on a facade that you don’t care what other people think, but the reality is, we all do.

Starting today, you are going to grant people the freedom to think negative thoughts about you. Let Them.

When YOU are proud of yourself, you hold all the power.

When you operate in a way that makes you proud of yourself, it doesn’t matter what other people think.

Frame of Reference is a fancy way to say “understanding the lens through which somebody sees something,”

People can only meet you as deeply as they’ve met themselves.

Accepting the reality of your situation doesn’t mean you’re surrendering to it.

You get one wild and precious life, so go live it in a way that makes you proud.

Why do you take on the responsibility for someone else’s happiness—at the expense of your own?

Instead of expecting other people to change, demand the change of yourself.

The more time you pour into a relationship with someone who acts like an eight-year-old, the more you’re going to feel like a parent to a child.

Research shows that most emotions will rise up and then fall away within 90 seconds if you don’t react to them.

But you can always choose what you think, say, or do in response to other people, the world around you, or the emotions that are rising up inside of you.