The Let Them Theory

by Mel Robbins

You must save yourself from yourself.

You have to force yourself to make little moves forward, all day, every day, especially when you don’t feel like it.

The problem with waiting is no one is coming. The only permission you need is your own.

The problem isn’t you. The problem is the power you unknowingly give to other people.

Let Them go with a different idea. Their response doesn’t change the value of your idea. It doesn’t change your worth as a contributor. They might have gone with a different strategy, but that doesn’t mean yours wasn’t a great idea. You’re still the same person with the same talents and ability to succeed, and the fact that you

had an idea to pitch proves it!

Let Them show you who they are.

When you say Let Me, you’re tapping into that power by taking responsibility for what you do, think, or say next. Let Me makes you realize that you are in control of what happens next and that life is more fun and fulfilling when you’re not sitting alone in your superiority.

When you say Let Me, you take responsibility for what YOU do next.

Let Me prioritize my social life, because clearly it matters to me, and it is my responsibility to create one.

The fact is, not every email warrants a response and not every conversation needs your participation—and you do not always have to have the last word.

Your silence can’t be misquoted.

According to research, work is the #1 cause of life stress for most people—and your manager has as much impact on your mental health as your spouse.

your stress at work isn’t changing so you need to change your approach to dealing with it.

Let Me stay engaged and vocal on the issues I care about and do something that can change the future of my local, national, and global politics.

And if it doesn’t matter enough for you to get involved, then stop complaining about it. It just stresses you out.

I asked some of the more experienced speakers for advice on how to start getting paid, which is what I recommend you do in whatever business, venture, or side hustle you dream of launching.

Give people the freedom to think something negative about you. Let Them. It not only works. It’s science.

everybody has critical opinions about people they love as well as total strangers. It is a fact of life.

Just because someone has a negative opinion doesn’t mean they feel negatively about you as a whole.

start living your life in a way that makes you proud of yourself. Let Me do what I want to do with my one wild and precious life.

From their lived experience, or Frame of Reference, they believe their opinion is right. From your lived experience, or Frame of Reference, you know your opinion is right.

People can only meet you as deeply as they’ve met themselves. Most people haven’t gone to therapy, haven’t looked at their issues, and they don’t want to.

You get one wild and precious life, so go live it in a way that makes you proud.

Just notice the feelings and Let Them rise up.

There will be many times in your life when people are going to be mad, disappointed, or heartbroken by the things you say or do. There just will be. You have to be able to separate yourself from your emotions and the emotional reactions of others when you’re determining the right decision to make.

You can’t let your emotions drive your decisions, because they will often stop you from making the right decisions.

Adults are allowed to feel how they’re going to feel—and they’re allowed to be angry. Broken. Devastated. Overwhelmed. Shocked. Embarrassed. And extremely pissed off at you.

It’s hard to be honest, especially when other people are emotionally immature.

It’s why people stay in marriages for a decade that they know have ended. It’s why people stay in jobs for too long. It’s why people pick majors and career paths and stay in them, because they’re afraid of making a decision that’s going to cause someone else to feel something.

What’s helped me is thinking about emotional discomfort like learning to ride a wave in the ocean. Because, at their core, emotions are like waves. They rise, they fall. Some days, your life is going to be steady, still, and calm. Other days, like the day you call off the wedding, there’s a hurricane that hits, and you’re going to feel like you’re drowning. But you will not drown.

And then slowly, as you Let Them feel whatever they need to feel, and you let yourself feel whatever you need to feel, and you don’t try to control it or avoid it or change it, life has a way of going back to a new normal.

In life, you’re not playing against anyone. You’re playing with them. Someone will always have better cards than yours.

Other people teach you how to be a better player, and that’s how you win.

The truth is, if you have running water, electricity, and the time to read this book, you’re doing better than most people.

Whatever it is that you want, someone else can give you the formula. Let Them lead the way.

There is no longer a track, a template, a timeline, or milestones for what to do next or when you’re supposed to achieve it. It’s all up to you. In other words, your adult life begins.

There are three factors that I believe make great friendships possible: proximity, timing, and energy. These pillars are the invisible foundation every friendship is built on.

According to a University of Kansas study, to become a “casual” friend, you have to spend 74 hours with someone. And to become a “close” friend, you have to spend over 200 hours with someone.

Isn’t that exciting, to live your life knowing that there are so many incredible people and connections and experiences, just waiting for you to be the one to go first and say hello?

adult friendship isn’t something that happens. It’s something you create.

The reason to be warm to strangers is because simply creating connections with other people will improve your life. The warmth you give to others always finds its way back to you.

Let Me be understanding. Let Me make an effort. Let Me check in without an expectation, but just because I care. Let Me make the plans. Let Me trust when the energy feels off. Let Me call or text if someone crosses my mind. Let Me act with the belief that some of my most favorite friends I haven’t met yet. Let Me go first.

Humans are wired to move toward what feels good right now and to move away from what feels hard in the moment.

Truth #3: Every single person on the planet thinks they’re the exception.

That’s why your significant other doesn’t believe you when you say, “If this doesn’t change, I am leaving.”

No one wants to feel pressured by their friends, family, or loved ones. What you want is unconditional love, acceptance, kindness, and compassion. You don’t want to be controlled; you want to feel deeply accepted for who you are, and where you are in your life.

it needs to be THEIR idea to change, not yours.

Model the behavior change you want to see and walk the talk you’ve been asking for.

If you have ANY shot at influencing them to move toward the behavior or change you want them to make, you need to show them how easy it is.