The Let Them Theory: A Life-Changing Tool That Millions of People Can't Stop Talking About

by Mel Robbins

To deal with the anxiety and self-doubt, my main strategy became avoidance. Avoid getting up by hitting the snooze button.

Avoid responsibility

by procrastinating howeve...

I knew exactly what I needed to do:

And yet, I couldn’t seem to do any of it.

The 5 Second Rule taught me that action is the answer. Thinking about your problems will never solve them. Waiting around to feel like doing something means you’ll never do it. It taught me that no one is coming to save you. You must save yourself from yourself. You have to force yourself to make little moves forward, all day, every day, especially when you don’t feel like it.

The problem with waiting is no one is coming. The only permission you need is your own.

Learning how to push yourself to take action when you are afraid or full of self-doubt or overwhelmed with excuses is a life skill you can learn. Once you master it, you’ll understand that you can achieve anything through small, consistent moves forward.

You’ll never feel ready to change your life. One day, you just get tired of your own excuses and force yourself to do it.

The reality is, no matter how hard you try or what you do, you cannot control other people. And yet, you live your life as if you can.

The problem isn’t you. The problem is the power you unknowingly give to other people.

You make the mistake of thinking that if you say the right thing, everyone will be satisfied. If you bend over backward, maybe your partner won’t be disappointed. If you’re friendly enough, maybe your co-workers will like you more.

The truth is, other people hold no real power over you unless you give it to them.

the more you let other people live their lives, the better your life gets. And, the more you let people be who they are, or feel what they feel, or think what they think, the better your relationships will be.

I don’t know about you, but I feel like I am racing through life and not allowing myself to truly enjoy it. And I get so worked up about things that don’t matter that I ruin the brief moments I have with those I love.

It’s easy to get yourself so stressed out about life that you forget the entire point is to live it.

No matter how hard you try, you will never be able to control or change another person. The only person you are in control of is you. Your thoughts, your actions, your feelings.

Intellectually, I knew this, but emotionally I was devastated.

Trying to control people and situations doesn’t calm your fears. It amplifies them. Any psychologist will tell you, the more you try to control something you can’t, the more anxious and stressed out you become.

He said that the Let Them Theory represents “a profound truth: choosing peace is not weakness—it is power.

‘Let them’ doesn’t mean giving away control; it means reclaiming it. By choosing how we respond—by not feeding anger, hatred, or negativity—we exercise the ultimate power over ourselves.

When you say Let Them, you’re not giving up or walking away. You’re releasing that grip you have on how things should go and allowing them to unfold the way they will go. You’re freeing yourself. You’re making an active, empowered choice to release control you never truly had. You stop giving power to other people and forces outside of you, and you reclaim it for yourself. When you say Let Me, you unleash your strength by focusing on your response.

Let’s say you’re in a meeting at work and you’ve come up with an idea you’re excited about. You’ve put thought into it, you know it has potential—but when you pitch it, the room goes quiet. People nod politely, but they move on, and before you know it, someone else’s idea is getting all the attention. You feel invisible. You start second-guessing yourself, wondering if maybe you should’ve said it differently or tried harder to be heard. In that moment, you can either let this dismissal crush you, or you can pause and say Let Them. Let Them dismiss it. Let Them go with a different idea. Their response doesn’t change the value of your idea. It doesn’t change your worth as a contributor. They might have gone with a different strategy, but that doesn’t mean yours wasn’t a great idea. You’re still the same person with the same talents and ability to succeed, and the fact that you had an idea to pitch proves it!

Let Them show you who they are. Their disrespect doesn’t say anything about you. How you respond does. Stop asking why they are doing this. The question is, why do you want to be with someone who does this to you? You don’t. Don’t waste your energy chasing someone who’s already left.

When you say Let Them, you make a conscious decision not to allow other people’s behavior to bother you. When you say Let Me, you take responsibility for what YOU do next.

start using the Let Them Theory is to rise above the countless tiny stressors you face every day.

the never-ending notifications on your phone, the slow Internet connections, the unexpected changes in plans, the endless meetings at work, the inconsiderate behavior of other people, the long lines, the slow walkers. These small annoyances may seem insignificant, but they aren’t.

Remember the fundamental law of human nature: You can’t control what other people say, think, or do. Anytime you try to, you lose your power.

stress causes you to doubt yourself, procrastinate, burn out, doomscroll, and struggle with comparison. If you’re having trouble focusing, feeling happy, or taking care of yourself, the reason is stress.

if your inner critic is louder than ever, you’re struggling with procrastination, you’re constantly tired, you can’t stop scrolling on your phone, or you have trouble disconnecting from work, it’s all due to stress.

You need to have more fun, but you won’t allow yourself to have it if you can’t disconnect from work. You should be more present and connected to your spouse, but you never will be if you’re constantly doomscrolling. The life you’ve always wanted is right in front of you, but you will never reach for it if your inner critic is constantly telling you not to.

Here’s how you do it: The moment anything happens that stresses you out, say Let Them. Put yourself in pause. Then say Let Me and take a breath.

not every email warrants a response and not every conversation needs your participation—and

If you allow yourself to get completely stressed out, you are giving all your power to other people.

When you let other people stress you out, you surrender your power to things that either don’t matter or are beyond your control. And it often spirals into other areas of your life for hours, weeks, and even years.

there will be things you can control, and things that you can’t.

You get to decide what stresses you out and for how long.

your stress at work isn’t changing, so you need to change your approach to dealing with it.

Does it seem overwhelming? Yes. Does it feel like it won’t make a difference? Yes. Do it anyway. Let Me stay engaged and vocal on the issues I care about and do something that can change the future

If it matters, be the one everyone else is waiting for. Create the change you want to see. That’s the power of Let Me.

All it takes is one person to do the right thing. And if it bothers you enough, that person is you.

It’s easy to put on a facade that you don’t care what other people think, but the reality is, we all do. The truth is, people will have negative opinions about you and there is absolutely nothing you can do to change this fact. When you allow your fear of what other people think to stop you from doing what you want to do, you become a prisoner to other people’s opinions.

Instead of fearing other people’s opinions, you are just going to allow them to think what they want. In fact, I recommend that you assume people will think negative thoughts about you. Because people do have negative thoughts about you. This is normal.

Here’s another truth: Just because someone has a negative opinion doesn’t mean they feel negatively about you as a whole.

Instead of wasting your time worrying about them, start living your life in a way that makes you proud of yourself. Let Me do what I want to do with my one wild and precious life.

And that right there is the secret. When YOU are proud of yourself, you hold all the power.

don’t be the person who bends over backward to make everyone happy. I used to be that person. It left me depleted and feeling like nothing I could do was ever good enough.

Someone is always going to be disappointed by the decisions that you make. Don’t ever let it be you that’s disappointed. And don’t let guilt drive your decisions.

When you let the fear of what people might think dictate your choices, you limit your potential and hold yourself back from pursuing what you truly want. This fear causes you to procrastinate, doubt yourself, become paralyzed by perfectionism, and, most importantly, give up on your dreams.

When you say Let Them, you give other people the space to feel their emotions without needing to fix them. When you say Let Me, you do what’s right for you, even if it upsets someone, which is how you take responsibility for your own life. It’s time to stop being manipulated by someone else’s guilt, anger, or disappointment.