The Let Them Theory

by Mel Robbins

to get going. It helps you power through fear, doubt, or procrastination. Every time you count 5-4-3-2-1 it is like tipping the first domino. Momentum kicks in, and BOOM, you are no longer thinking about what you need to do, you are already doing it. And the best part? Once you start moving, it’s way easier to keep going. One 5-second move at a time, I

Their choice to go away didn’t have to make me feel bad, but my attempts to control the situation were making me feel horrible. Let Them.

You can’t control what other people say, think, or do. Anytime you try to, you lose your power. You must learn to focus on what you say, think, or do. That’s how you remain in control.

your stress at work isn’t changing, so you need to change your approach to dealing with it.

So if you’re in a situation where you’ve put in the effort, you have had the conversation, you’ve asked for the salary increase, you’ve hit your numbers, and you still are waiting for that promotion or title change or new desk and it’s just not coming, you have to stop being mad and choose what you’re going to do about it.

When YOU are proud of yourself, you hold all the power.

The more grace and kindness you display, the more space you create for a change in the dynamic to happen.

Upward comparison is this tendency to measure yourself against people and their attributes that you think are better than yours. Research shows it destroys your self-esteem.

It is impossible to enjoy your life or love yourself and beat yourself up at the same time.

And when you see other people’s wins as your losses, it will make you feel defeated before you even start.

Maybe you’ve been playing so small that you can’t see how big and beautiful your life could be.

Comparison shows you the areas of your life that need more of your attention.

The reason why these people make you so angry is because you know you could do it too. And you are just mad that you didn’t start doing it a long time ago.

The fact is, inspiration is not enough to get you motivated to do something.

But if you’re serious about being successful or healthy or achieving your goals, you have no time to be upset, and you cannot afford to waste your energy being jealous. You need that energy, because you have work to do.

Jealousy is a doorway to your future cracked open, and it’s your job to recognize when it happens, kick the door open, and walk right through it.

According to a University of Kansas study, to become a “casual” friend, you have to spend 74 hours with someone. And to become a “close” friend, you have to spend over 200 hours with someone.

By being passive-aggressive, constantly bringing it up, or using threats as a way of trying to pressure someone else to change, it will always backfire.

Problem: Pressure doesn’t create change; it creates resistance to it. You are acting with the best of intentions, but it is yielding the worst result.

Every time you pressure someone, it pushes them away. You are not only straining your relationships, you are fighting against the wiring inside someone’s brain and body.

The tension and disconnection are being created by your pressure.

Truth: Adults only change when they feel like changing.

What human beings want is to feel acceptance and love. They need to be in control of their own thoughts, actions, and decisions.

The key piece of this is creating the space for someone else to believe the change is their idea. Not yours.

When you say Let Them, you are accepting other people as they are, removing tension and pressure, and letting them have control over the way they live their life.

Let adults be adults, and let your influence inspire them to change.

Even the best relationships can become more meaningful and your connection to someone can always go deeper.

Too often, you chase love—or the potential for what you think it could be—and end up compromising on your values.

By chasing love, you chase away the deep and meaningful relationship you’re worthy of.

Or your spouse is very dismissive and treats you like a roommate, which you have just learned to accept.

When the heart is involved, logic goes out the window.

Finding love is more about saying no than it is about saying yes. When you have high standards for yourself and the kind of relationship you want, dating becomes a process of elimination.

Dating helps you learn more about yourself and what you want and don’t want, one person at a time.

That’s why every single experience that you have—even the really crappy ones—teaches you something important.

If you become obsessed with finding the one, you are going to miss all the lessons that dating is trying to teach you about the value of love in your life.

You weren’t put on the earth to be somebody’s wife or husband. You are here to fulfill your dreams, share your story, and create a big, beautiful, amazing life.

No one else is going to create that life for you. The person you choose to love gets to share that life with you. Th...

you’re looking for someone who is capable of helping you become your best self and co-creating a beautiful life together.

People’s behavior tells you exactly how they feel about you.

Your job is to let people reveal who they are and how they truly feel about you and accept it.

Stop giving your love to people who do not love you back.

You are either a priority, or you are not. There is no middle ground.

If somebody is sending you mixed signals, it means they are NOT interested.

Mixed signals aren’t “mixed” at all. They send a very clear message that you are not a priority; you’re a convenience.

One of the most important signs of a healthy relationship is that it is mutual.

Do not spend your time trying to shrink yourself into a tiny little box, or become someone new, or change who you are, just to be in a relationship with someone who doesn’t love you back. Don’t do it.

It’s easy to think someone will love you if you change just a little bit more.

the #1 mistake that people make when they are trying to take something to the next level is focusing on the other person, rather than focusing on the value of their time and what they want in life.

Do not accept the table scraps. Be brave. Saying no to the wrong situations is how you find the right person for you.

People only do what they feel like doing. Yes, you can influence them. But if you keep wanting them to change, and they don’t, it not only weakens your love. It creates resentment.