Only With You (The Knights, #2)

by E. Salvador

For those who never felt enough. For those who struggle with the right thing to say. For those who just want to be heard or just need a hug. And for those who self-sabotage because you don’t think you deserve to be happy, I promise you deserve that and more!

“If you call me Hollywood one more time,” I grit, grabbing the box cutter from the counter and pointing it at Landon. “I will stab you.” Though I doubt no matter how many times I stab him, he won’t die.

“I see you’re still a piece of shit.” “And you’re still a bitch,”

“I’m not sure which demon possessed you, but it’s too early for you to act like a piece of shit,”

“Julianna, why the fuck are you here alone? Do you have any idea how dangerous it is?” It’s not the irritation in his voice that throws me off, or the fact that he raised his voice at me. No, it has everything to do with him saying my name.

Good night, Angel.” “Good night, Lucifer!”

“What’s that?” “What’s what?” she asks, setting the knife in the sink, and washes her hands. “That thing on your lips. Julianna Sparks, are you smiling at me?”

“Good night, Julianna.” “Good night, Landon.”

Of course this would happen, because even in my own head, Julianna does whatever she wants.

The universe has me fucked up.

This is what I get for being patient. Never again.

Snowy white and electric sapphire swirl in my head.

Brook says something, but I can’t hear it because my gaze lands on his hand on the small of her back. As they walk out, something consumes me. Suddenly, I have an odd desire to punch him in the throat.

This must be some kind of test, because how the hell am I not supposed to look?

I do a double take on her face because I’ve never seen her blush. I’m sure it’s happened before, but I’ve never been on the receiving end of anything like that coming from her. Not that I’ve ever deserved anything, but I like it so much, I want to see it again.

Grabbing her wrist, I tug the phone close to my mouth as I look her in the eyes and say, “Fuck me, you’re lovely.”

Our gazes lock and it feels as if time has paused, allowing us to capture this fleeting moment. Though I don’t need time to pause, because this moment will forever be etched in my mind.

“Is the hot chocolate offer still available?” Landon asks. I stare at him, stupefied. “I thought you had plans tonight?” “They’re not important.”

“I—you didn’t throw them away?” His hardened stare bounces to the corner of my room. Where the electric blue and white half moon lobelias are sitting on the small wooden stool by the window. I could’ve kept them in the kitchen or put them in our little patio, but I didn’t. I wanted them in my room, for only me to see.

The kiss is short-lived, because Landon pulls back, leaving me a panting mess. My chest heaves and my lips burn. “Fuck,” he rasps, raking his fingers through his hair with disbelief. “I⁠—” “Do it again,” I hoarsely breathe and fist his shirt, tugging him back to me. With no hesitation, Landon circles an arm around my waist, and with the other, he cups the side of my face.

“Good, Love. So, you do know how to listen.”

“Talking to her made me feel my best.” And what happened in her room has nothing to do with the way she made me feel. A pleased smile curls on his lips. “Does this her have a name?” “Julianna Sparks.”

There’s no reason why I should be here. What I’m doing is irrational and irritating. Irrational, because the smartest thing to do with this jumper is throwing it in the bin, but I can’t bring myself to do that. And that’s why I’m irritated, because I’m here to return it. It’s childish, even for me, but there’s this…bitter taste in my mouth I can’t seem to get rid of. It lingered until it slithered its way down to my chest where it lodged itself between my heart and rib cage.

“It means I want Saturday again.” “Whatever you want it to entail. You set the boundaries.” “I do. I want you.”

“I’m here.” Landon’s voice hauls my attention to him. “Hmm?” “I’m not going to let anything happen to you. I’m here,” he reassures, squeezing my palm.

The smile is small, but it remains.

“I was just thinking about how pretty you are.” Not look but are. My stomach dips the way it would on a rollercoaster and something warm ignites from the tips of my fingers and sets off throughout my body like fireworks.

“So…what did Brook want?” “Brook?” I stare up at him confused. “The guy you went out on a date with.” I smile. “You mean River?” “Same thing.” he mutters.

“You’re talking, not rambling. Talk to me.”

“Is this where you want to be?” “Honestly, yeah.” “Then this is where I want to be.”

I raise my hands, pretending they’re a clapperboard. “Asking question, take two.” I clap my hands together. He knocks his knee against mine, and when I glance up at him, he’s bearing the biggest smile known to date, getting his dimples to make a special appearance. Granted, it’s really not that big, but I’ve never seen his lips stretch this wide.

“You don’t have to answer anything if you don’t want to.” I smile at him, hoping he knows I won’t be upset if he doesn’t. He shakes his head. “I don’t mind if it’s only with you.”

“You really are a Disney princess,”

“God, I love this song. He must’ve just posted this.” I know she does. She mentioned it once and said she’d love Haptic to cover it. So I did. How could I not? She’s an avid listener, it’s nothing.

There’s more I want to say, but it may be a lot for her, so I do the only thing I can think of. The only thing I know I might not fuck up. “I’m going to hug you, okay?” “Okay.” She limply nods.

We don’t have to communicate out loud what we’re doing because I understand the look in her eyes. She’s trusting me and I know I’ll do everything in my power never to break that.

“Do you want to stay?” “You want me to sleep over?” Standing, I grab the box of pizza and set it on the coffee table, attempting not to smile. She rocks on her heels. “Yeah, but you might actually not be too comfortable. My bed⁠—” “Do you want me to stay?” “Yeah,” she softly replies. “I’ll be comfortable.” Julianna leads and I follow, and as I shut the door behind me, I realise there’s nowhere else I’d rather be.

“I told her crying wasn’t worth it, but getting even was.”

She’s the reason why I’m not constantly thinking of just living, but actually feeling alive.

“I hate that I can’t see you well.” I hear the sharp intake of her breath. “But you can feel me. And hear me. Just focus on the sound of my voice and the colors you see. I always do…” “You always do what?” “I think about your voice and how it makes me feel…”

“You matter to me Landon. Your life has so much purpose, and I’m thankful your my best friend. I’m here for you.” Then he hugged me and I let him. And that was the last time I’d let someone hug me.

“Welcome to the club of daddy issues and bullshit. We meet every Sunday at five o’clock. Hammers are included, or if you like bats, those are available, as are sledgehammers, my favorite.”

“Hey!” Saint claps his hands as music starts to pour out from the speaker over us. “Come on, let’s break stuff!” “‘Dancing Queen’?” Malik quirks an amused brow. “Rule number three, don’t ask questions about my choice of music.” He grins from ear to ear, holding a sledgehammer.

“Aren’t you going to write your name on them?” “Not them, you. Take the jacket off.”

Sometimes, my heart feels like it’s going to give out from how fast it beats when I’m around Julianna. It’s as worrisome as it is overwhelming, because I like how it feels, I like how she makes me feel, but then I have these thoughts and I’m reminded that I don’t do this. I don’t create unrealistic scenarios in my head, because it only brings hope and that’s a dangerous thing, despite what Reid says. Although…sitting right across from her in this booth, watching her get excited over a stack of pancakes and syrup that she swears is the best thing I’ll ever have in my life, I can’t help but feel just a bit of hope.

“The way I see you has nothing to do with what you do or don’t wear. There’s nothing ordinary or extraordinary in the way that I see you, because it’s all beyond beautiful. Truthfully, a single word can’t define how I see you. Nor will it explain it because the only way is through my eyes. I’m sorry there’s not a better word in the dictionary.”

“There’s nothing wrong with having this once in a while. Besides, we’re celebrating you.” I hold the piece of bacon in front of her, but she stares at it with hesitation. “Come on, Love. You know you want to.” That pulls a diminutive curve on her lips, and I swear my heart expands. I don’t know what it is about the way her lips stretch just a bit that stirs something within me, but it just does. She takes the piece and I grab another, dip it in the syrup, and simultaneously, we take a bite. “That’s good.” We say at the same time.

“You’re so smart and I’m going to need you to believe that because I do.

“I hate that your parents are making you feel this way, because you’re not a burden. You’re far from it. Quite frankly, if I’m being honest with you, I need more of you because I can’t stop getting enough of you. And I know it’s not the same thing, because you want that from your parents, but I see you and I see that you’re not any of those things you just said you were. You’re not just your smiles or your beauty. You’re Julianna fucking Sparks. You’re smart, capable, strong, quick-witted. You’re that and so much more. I promise and I hope you know I mean it.”

“I’m the first person he’s let in his room?”