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“I like playing with you.” She kisses and nibbles my breast, tugging my nipple with her teeth. “I know you do.” She flicks me with her tongue. “Anytime you want.” I want it all the time.
“I want you inside me,”
“You still got your cherry?”
“He’s never been . . . ?” “Between my legs?” I finish for her. “Just you.”
“I want you to lose it in my bed,” she whispers. Her bed. “Anytime I want,” I demand. She nods. “In my bed.” Okay, yes. “I promise,” I tell her, kissing her deep. My place is in her bed.
“That’s it, Collins,” she breathes out. “Fuck me.”
“God, you have a beautiful body.” All I can manage is a half smile, too exhausted to tell her I love touching hers. I love kissing it and smelling it and tasting it. I want more of it.
“I want more,” I whisper, sitting on the bed. “I want to make noise.”
Just that she’s the only option for me. She’s the only thing I want in the world.
“In a few months, you’ll be going to one college,” she says, “and I’ll be going to another. And I’m still not entirely sure I like you, so . . .” At that, I smile. “You like me.” I glide my fingers up her legs, teasing her. “And you are coming back to school.” She cocks a brow. “I’ll be so pleasant,” I tease.
“Don’t change a thing,” she orders. A shiver runs through me, and I hold her waist, staring up at her. I don’t want people’s reactions to this. I just want her. That’s it. Why can’t I have what I want?
Maybe I’ll make her something to eat. I don’t want to just see her in my room. I want to see her in the kitchen, in my bathroom, in my shower . . .
I’m not a virgin anymore. And I fold my lips between my teeth to hide my smile. Liv was my first.
I’m not going to be a breath apart from her for the next twenty-four hours. God, I’m addicted.
No. It’s just something about Liv. I’m obsessed with her. I’m unhappy and latching on. That’s all she is. Someone to get off on who will keep her mouth shut in an arrangement where I call the shots.
Fight with me. Do something!
“I gave you my virginity,” I whisper. Her pencil pauses. “I’ve had opportunities, Liv.” I swallow, coming as close to an apology as I can manage. “I didn’t hesitate with you.” I search for her eyes, but she still won’t look at me. “I never wanted you to stop,” I tell her. I want more. I want it again. I want more right now.
“You left me in the rain,” she says quietly, the white papers turning black, curling and peeling. “You left me behind in the rain while you drove off with that prick.”
Okay. So she’s not going to forgive me quickly. Fine. But she will forgive me. She just really won’t like how far I’m willing to go to force it.
“Who’s giving it to you?” he asks. “I know you’re not a virgin anymore, and I know it was recently.” Instead of getting nervous, though, I smile. It’s nice not to have the hard discussions. I’m glad he knows. “I won’t tell,” he whispers. “I just want to hear about it. Where does he do it to you at?” She does it to me in secret. “In a car?” he presses. “In a cheap motel? One of the Jaeger boys, maybe?” I warm between my thighs, thinking about the Jaeger girl and how much more I want to touch her. He’s got the wrong details, but he’s on the right path. “I’m not jealous,” he assures me before a
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I don’t care that I had sex for the first time last week and it was with a girl, and I don’t care that it keeps hurting every moment I realize that some part of me isn’t touching some part of her.
And until recently, I wasn’t really dreading leaving. But now, I’m counting the days like an inmate on death row. Before I know it, a week has passed. Then a month. Soon it’ll be summer, and I’ll be leaving a part of my heart behind. Everything feels wrong.
She watches me. Her eyes are shrouded, but under the cover of shadow, I know she’s watching me. And immediately I know that I can’t even fool myself. I’m not in control. She has my heart in her fist.
Reminding her of what I felt like. Of who loves her good.
She thinks she can just move on? She thinks I’m disposable? Replaceable? Some cute brunette shakes her skirt at you, and you think you can have her? I clench my jaw. I’m sick of chasing her.
Fuck. I don’t know what’s worse—Martelle or someone she has a history with. Definitely someone she has a history with. It’s a reminder that she had a life before me. That there are other people who can make her happy.
“Like I would ever love you.” “You would never.”
“I’m convenient and quiet,” she tells me, “because you’re not a slut or a whore if you’re doing it with a girl one night during a naughty sleepover, right?” I want to tell her she means so much more to me, but she and I both know whatever happens between us won’t last. So I play along. “No one will ever know I’ve been touched,” I tell her.
“I liked it when you fucked me,” I gasp loud enough for the video. “I want to do it again.”
“I’m in your hands now,” I whisper. “That’s how much I trust you.”
She can shatter my world anytime she wants with that video. I will happily give her that power to prove that I’m willing to risk almost anything for a few more months with her.
“We always think that if we can have the one thing we want, we’ll be happy, but the wanting never ends, does it?” I say, muffled in her neck. “There were things I wanted before all I wanted was my brother back.” I’ve wanted her longer.
“What are you doing to me?” she murmurs. But I get smart. “Nothing yet,” I whisper. “But I’d really like to do that bury-my-head-between-your-legs-under-the-sheets bit.”
I love watching her watch me.
“I like it when you bite me,” I tell her. “With your teeth . . . and your words.” “I couldn’t stop myself anymore.” “Why?”
“Because sometimes two wrongs make a right, Clay.” She breathes hard. “Because venom works slowly but surely and I was so tired of not fighting for my life. And because one of the ingredients in antivenin is venom, and sometimes you need poison to counteract the poison.”
“It’s not over between us until I’m wearing something you can really ride.”
“After that, you can go fuck a guy,” she taunts. “But you and I will know nothing is better than this.” I kiss her, her confidence tasting possessive, and I like it. Nothing is better than this.
“Car now!” Iron yells over my head, and I turn, seeing Dallas and Trace jumping into the truck. Jesus Christ. Iron’s going to jail tonight.
“Which is exactly what they want,” Dallas shouts from the front, eyeing Clay in the rearview mirror. “You all live for this, don’t you? Are you that bored? Need to slum to feel a little excitement once in a while? Huh?” She narrows her eyes to slits, glaring back at him. “You got this bitch messing around with Trace to make her boyfriend jealous,” Dallas gripes, “and you’re doing the same thing, flashing your fucking little ass around here and screwing with Liv’s head.”
“I’m not trying to make Callum jealous.” “You came with him, didn’t you?” I look at her. “Tryst Six is just toys to you.” “That’s not true.” “Shut up.”
“And if I said I was in love with you?” I ask her. “What would you feel?”
“I’m in love with you, Clay,” I tell her.
breeze. I swear I see a smile desperate to get out, and I want to say it again. “Just kidding.” I force a scoff. “Just wanted you to see how fucking gay you are.”
“Let them play, Liv,” she snarls. “Go take your little white-bread pussy and get out of here.”
“We’ll always be this,” I tell her, loud but there’s too much going on for anyone to hear us. “Do you see that? Me loyal to my family, and you afraid of yours and your friends. This is all we’ll ever be!”
“No one is worth this much trouble,” I tell her. “Not even you.” Her eyes fall, and for the first time, I see her speechless. She knows it’s true. We’re never going to hold hands, and I will always choose my family over her.
“I’m not gay,” she says quietly, and I have to strain to hear her over the rain. “I’m just in love with you.”
“I can’t apologize for everything I do to hurt you, Liv.” She finally looks up, blinking against the rain. “Because I can’t promise I’ll stop.” I watch her. “But I promise,” she goes on, “I hurt every time you do.”
“I want you to leave me alone,”
