With dedicated time and space with DeGroot to think about their work and lives, Anna came to see that, as much as she wanted James to be a coparent, she was too often undercutting him—criticizing what he did or scolding him for what he didn’t do. Social scientists call this “maternal gatekeeping,” a common but largely unconscious behavior that flares because the ideal mother norm that is nestled deep in a woman’s psyche holds that mothers not only know best but should always be in charge. James, instead of backing down, as he usually had, began to tell her to back off.
