Fearless (The Powerless Trilogy, #3)

by Lauren Roberts

Damn the pretending. Damn the hiding. Damn everything but him and us and this moment where I need him. But he’s nowhere to be found. And for the first time since stealing those silvers from him on Loot Alley, I feel utterly alone.

I almost find the courage to smile, because this is a start.

Together, we could save this kingdom from more than just ruin. We could liberate it from the segregation that has plagued this land for decades.

“Father only cared about eradicating the Ordinaries, not strengthening this kingdom. He hid under the Elite society he created, and yet, Ilya had never been weaker. I see now how small-minded he was.”

“And I want to make this kingdom truly great.”

Kitt’s zeal shines through each word, now no longer smothered by our father. It’s admirable, his love for this kingdom and resolve to restore it. But pride swells in my chest, not for this king, but for the boy who dreamed only of approval. Now he...

Paedyn is not a right or a wrong, not something as simple as a yes or a no. She is confusion itself, a feeling unplaced, a color between black and white. Hell, she is my Silver Savior. And hating her is not as simple as it may seem. But for me, it is not loving her that has proven to be difficult.

My heart bangs against my chest, beating for her, beating for every moment we may never get to spend together. And when words finally spill from her lips, she might as well have plunged a dagger into my back like she promised so long ago.

“Then I will marry you, Kitt. To save this kingdom from itself.”

The night is a comfort, combing cool fingers through my hair, tucking me in beneath a blanket of stars. They glint above while winking lazily down on the familiar pair of us.

The moon casts a sickly sheen over her once glowing skin. No, not the moon—it’s Death’s shadow she wears.

“We both know it will take more than a locked door to keep me from you.”

I want him desperately. Recklessly. And the embodiment of those feelings falls from my lips in the form of a single, traitorous sentence.

“I was dreaming about her.” I feel his chest halt beneath me. He knows exactly who it is I’m referring to. “I’m guessing it wasn’t a pleasant dream.” “No.” I almost laugh. “It started that way, which somehow made it all so much worse.” His voice is rough. “I’m sorry you’re forced to relive that moment every time you shut your eyes.”

“Not every time.” I shift, slipping off his chest to sit beside him. “Not when I’m with you.”

“Don’t make promises you can’t keep.” “It’s not promises I care to keep—it’s you.” His words never fail to have my stomach flipping, heart fluttering, lips falling silent. So, I flick the tip of his nose with a soft “You’re quite the poet, Prince.”

“Is this going to be our lives?” I whisper suddenly, avoiding his gaze. “Forever pretending, sneaking away from reality to steal a few moments together?” “You know,” he sighs, “I pictured a different forever for us. One that took place far from here. But if this is all we get…” He pauses, eyes as silver as the moonbeams pouring down on us. “Then we’ll make the most of it. I will be your Enforcer. Your rival. Your secret waiting beneath the willow.”

Pae’s eyes meet mine, stripping me bare with a single swipe of them. Shockingly enough, I find gratitude lingering in her gaze, thanking me for enduring this alongside her. And, suddenly, the look of relief she wears at my mere presence proves to be reward enough.

I still at her words. There it is—that certain boldness only she possesses.

That golden hair cascades down her body and over the large swelling of her belly, like water carving a trickling path around a stone. She gently tugs the king toward her, pressing soft lips against his with a lingering sigh.

“So bow at my feet with a sneer, if you must. I won’t see it with your face to the ground.”

“My pretty Pae. Tell me you missed me.” Our lips brush, and I can taste his desperation for me. I smile. My response is a swift hook of my foot behind his. With a firm tug, I accomplish something few have ever done.

I send the Enforcer sprawling into the dirt.

“I need to do this. And if I die, then make me a martyr.” “A martyr, Paedyn?” His laugh is void of humor. “Do you even hear yourself? Part of you has already given up before even starting.” “I’m not giving up; I’m being realistic.” My words are clipped. I’m stunned by how suddenly this conversation escalated. “I could die—”

won’t, Paedyn. I told you in that field of poppies how I would never do that again. That when I lay a hand on you, it would only ever be in a caress.” Raindrops drip from his lashes, but he doesn’t dare blink as he murmurs, “And I plan to keep that vow.”

A long moment passes between us, in which I attempt to fathom just how much he cares for me. And nothing has ever felt so right, vowing to never fight the Enforcer again. So I smile up at him, a bead of water sliding down my nose as I attempt to tease. “If you were sick of getting your ass kicked, just say that.” The corner of his mouth lifts begrudgingly. “Oh, is that what you think?” “Let’s just say I can sense it.” I lean in, whispering, “I’m kind of a Psychic.”

He cracks a smile. I smile back. I feel young. Hopeful. Anew. In this moment, I see the future we could have—a glimpse of the boy who threw chocolates into my mouth and helped clean each one I missed off the floor. I see a friendship, not love. No, love is what I see when I look at his brother.

She’s quiet for a troublesome amount of time. Then, a soft smile finds its way to her lips. “When I left for the Purging Trials, Adena reassured me that it wasn’t a goodbye, simply a good way to say bye until I saw her again.” She swallows thickly. “It was the most ridiculous line, but she said it so many times over the years.” She makes a pained sound that slightly resembles a laugh. I look down at her, finding a mingling of grief and anger harshening her features. My fingers lift her chin. “So, in the wise words of Adena, this is simply a good way to say bye until… whatever the hell.”

This Trial proves nothing of my ability to rule a kingdom, and he knows it. But to be an Ordinary is to prove myself in ways that even Elites cannot.

It’s not the Trials themselves I fear—it’s what they will take from me. What will I be forced to survive this time? The breaking of my will? The flickering of that light within me?

Now, the Enforcer is something far more devastating than a lover, yet we have never been further apart. Keeping my distance from him is a Trial of its own. It is cruel, not being able to call him mine after everything we’ve endured.

Perhaps in another life, I am strong enough to never need proof of it. Perhaps in another life, I am brave enough to confess that I love him. Perhaps in another life, I learn to love him from afar. And that is the most fearless thing of them all.

I have been unwanted in this kingdom from the moment I was born. But not to the man who found me on his doorstep after losing a wife and child of his own. I became his everything. And maybe that is all you need to earn the title of “father.”

The absence of light is the absence of knowledge.

I have no idea what it is that awaits me in these caves, and that is a foolishness I fear.

The one person meant to be my undoing saved me from it.

Something eerily vast fills the space behind me, chilling enough to pebble bare flesh. I’ve never felt Death so tangibly, and yet, I recognize his presence all the same. The cold breath on my neck can only belong to the Death I have nearly met so many times before. Terror sinks its teeth into my very soul. I need to get out of here. But not without that crown.

Every fiber of my being begs to find hers, despite duty trapping me within these castle walls.

“He never really was much of a father to me,” I state. “So, no, I can’t say I was terribly grieved by his death.” The words are harsh and laced with an anger I rarely let myself feel for him anymore. But it is his wife I spit them at. And for that reason, I open my mouth to apologize.

“I’m sorry for what he did to you. And I’m sorry that I never stopped him.” Tears brim beneath the gray eyes we share. “I just wanted you to be strong. And look at you—you’re formidable. But that is no excuse. I shouldn’t have stayed quiet about your training sessions with him—”

“Kai,” she murmurs, suddenly serious. “She is your brother’s.” I look away. “I know.” “Don’t let her come between the two of you.” Her tone is stern. “Promise me, Kai.” A shake of my head. “It’s a little late to be making that promise, Mother.” “Then make me a different one.” She struggles to lift her head from the pillow, words strong in a way her body is not. “Don’t let her be your weakness.”

In return, I remind her that Paedyn Gray has been my weakness since that very first dinner before the Purging Trials.

This is precisely what I feared—myself.

“Does it ever get easier? The bad that supposedly justifies the hope of something good?”

“Pae.” His voice is ragged. “I would lose my life for you before finding something else worth living for.” His fingers weave into my hair, slide along the back of my neck. “You are my inevitable. In life and in death.”

My pace is even, hopes oddly high for one who may be sailing to their death. But I am no stranger to drowning. I’ve been doing just that since the day I looked into her ocean eyes.

“Vicious little thing.”

“You are forever my distraction, darling.”

Water pools around my ankles, and yet, I sit here with my head against his chest. We eat this sticky bun on the floor of my cabin, in the middle of a raging sea, and somehow find tranquility in the violence. As if I’ve found the eye of the storm within him, and he in me.

“Don’t look at me like that,” she breathes. My lips twitch. “This is the only way I’ve ever looked at you, darling.”