Fearless (The Powerless Trilogy, #3)

by Lauren Roberts

It was just a nightmare. I blow out a breath, letting the foreign rush of relief wash over me. My gaze slides to the window and the bright sky beyond. Today is my third Trial. Last night was a nightmare.

paedyn what in the hell.

But Kai… Kai stands before me, so strong and stunning. I can almost hear his voice, the sound distantly ringing from the depths of my mind…. “Where is she?!” It’s so familiar, so real— “Where the hell is she?!” I straighten at that growing voice, scared of my own deceiving mind. It’s not real. He’s gone. Heavy footsteps echo beyond the wooden door I’m slumped against. I shake my head angrily, tears spilling down my face. He’s gone. Just like everyone else. I killed him— “Move aside. Or I’ll make you.” My hollow, broken heart stutters at that command. It can’t be true. I can’t let myself believe this, and yet, I scramble to my feet. Palms pressed to the door that separates me from hope, I mutter, “Kai?” The muffled shout that returns has me laughing through a disbelieving sob. “Pae!”

“Paedyn, I love you. Like nothing else before, I love you. And I’ve been waiting to tell you since I realized your eyes are my favorite color and your freckles the only constellation worth looking at. I could lie—say that you’ve stolen my every thought and heartbeat like the thief you are, but all of me was already yours. Pae, you are my inevitable.”

“And you are mine.” I smother my sobs long enough to whisper, “I love you, Malakai. I love you.” I can’t seem to stop spewing the words now that I’ve said them. It’s freeing, letting go of the fear that accompanied that phrase. “I love you. I love you. I love y—”

My throat is dry. I swallow thickly. “You love me.” “Then.” His hands cup my face. “Now.” My lips brush his. “Always. And I’ll find your shoes for you in every lifetime if you’ll allow it.”

Kitt’s eyes climb slowly to mine. “We found a Wielder that needed to be taken care of.”

omg.. mak???

“You buried him.” It’s not a question. But it’s not a surprise, either. Not anymore. “Nothing gets past you, Little Psychic.” Kai sighs out the words before adding, “Out in the poppy field. I figured that was a good place for him to rest.” “Thank you.” I choke on the words. “I only wish Adena was there with him.”

awww omg i love that

“No, you wouldn’t.” He steps out into the hall, tossing his next damning sentence over a shoulder. “As my queen, you would command it.”

The king runs a hand over his face, eyes blurry. “Well, the court is growing restless. We should head in there.” Sighing, I turn toward the door. “What?” Kitt asks skeptically. “Spit it out.”

WHO is he talking to?

Every head turns toward the rumbling sound. Gazes widen when they land on her face, gawk when they glance below it. I can hardly help but do the same, though, for very different reasons. She stands there, draped in emerald green. It spills down her body in dozens of layers before billowing around her feet and draping behind her heels. The gown hugs her waist tightly, climbing up her body in a strapless corset. And there, on display above her beating heart, is the king’s carving. Paedyn’s spine is straight beneath the crushing weight of eyes against her chest. The mangled O sits crudely atop her smooth skin, the scar flowing grimly into the slice down her neck.

OMG I HAVE NEVER JAW DROPPED SO HARD BEFORE

A prick of jealousy, hurt, even, slips beneath my unbothered mask. I’m not entirely sure why, perhaps because I know that scar to be incredibly intimate to her. Something that she fought to keep me from finding, only to willingly bare herself to my brother.

Her foot reaches the first step, and those blue eyes crash into mine. The look she gives me is sharp—same as it always has been and likely always will be. Because no matter how much our feelings grow or confessions spew, we will always remain precisely as we are. I will tease her until my dying breath, spar until I’m buried six feet beneath her feet. I am forever her rival, and I revel in it. She turns to face the court, every bit the queen they made her become.

oh my god.

I’ve never seen something so beautiful, so bold, so blatantly right for me, for this kingdom, this hope of a united Ilya. And I fear I may forever be in awe of her. Looking at Paedyn Gray, I see a reckless sort of fearlessness, a power that swells from her vibrant soul.

this. exactly this.

“Well,” Kitt urges. “What did you learn?” “That, you”—I gesture to Kai—“were a cocky bastard. And, you”—a nod at Kitt—“were a charming prince.” The Enforcer smirks wryly. “And now?” “You’re even more so,” I answer sweetly.

“Great idea.” Andy dips a finger into the bowl of mashed potatoes beside her, sneaking a taste. “Let’s make that your next decree, yes?” Gail doesn’t bother turning around. “I saw that, Andrea.” With wide honey eyes, Andy hisses in our direction. “How the hell does she do that?!” Paedyn laughs, drawing my attention to the opposite side of the stove. Every eye rests on her and the stunning smile she wears. “The pot. Gail can see your reflection in the pot, Andrea.”

The mumbled phrase carries its way around the table until every glass is raised. But it is Paedyn alone who does not thank the Plague. Instead, she tips her head, turning back to Calum expectantly. A smile touches my lips. She will not thank what has stolen everything from her. I’m still staring at my queen when Calum declares, “To saving Ilya.”

"my queen" hehehehe

My heart stops at the same moment my feet do. There he is, stunningly sprawled atop a large blanket. I’m panting, heart pounding at the sight of its other half. Kai looks up at me, hands resting behind a head of black waves—I nearly fall to my knees before him. He has always been a prince, always a puppet for power or instrument of Death. But just as constant and formidably fierce, he has been my home. In my search for comfort, it is him I crawl back to. Peace is the place he resides, and passion is a word I only understand when I look into his eyes. He is the freedom I cannot grasp. We are inevitable. We are tragedy. “Pae.” I follow the plea in his voice and stride slowly toward that alluring sound.

“Paedyn, I won’t watch you marry him.” His voice is little more than a growl. “I can’t bear to lose you.” “So have me.” The tips of my fingers trace his knuckles. “One last time.” He stills beneath my touch, eyes flicking up to meet mine. They are searching, surprised by the boldness of those words. “I don’t want a last time,” he breathes. “I want a first and forever.” My hand is steady as it reaches for his face. Kai leans into the touch, pressing his cheek against my palm with an eagerness that makes my heart pound. “Just pretend with me tonight.” I touch my forehead to his, brush his nose with my own. “Pretend we have a forever after this.”

The deep breath he draws in is the very sound of restraint. “But Kitt—” “Is not my husband yet,” I finish instead of his protest. “And starting tomorrow, I will give him the rest of my life. But to you, I give my heart. Myself.” A deep sound hums in the back of his throat. It makes me shiver. Rain splatters his hair, sticking dark waves to his forehead as he greedily wraps an arm around my waist, tugging me closer. I can’t help but gasp when his head dips, lips grazing the side of my neck.

“Tell me what it is you want, Pae.” My whole body ignites beneath his touch, something unleashing within me at the sound of his desperation. I lean back to cup his face in my hands and whisper a promise onto his lips. “You,” I breathe. “You, always.” His mouth crashes into mine.

“I promised that if I had you”—his thumb traces the curve of my lips—“it would only be because you let me.” “So have me.” It’s a desperate demand from lips that already miss his. “You don’t want me to beg for you first?” he drawls. My fingers catch his chin. “Is that not what you’ve done since the moment we met?” He chuckles, and the sound snakes its way down my spine. The tie at my back grows loose as Kai toys with the knot. “And it is what I will do until the moment I meet my end.”

With one precise tug, Kai has freed me from the corset’s confines. I gasp, staring at him in shock while a breathy laugh surprises me.

OH?

Swiftly, he flips me from his lap to the blanket beneath us. I lie there, panting up at him. My back is bare beneath the arm he has wrapped around it, the blanket cold and wet. And nothing has ever felt so perfect. His hold grows suddenly gentle, and I catch a slight trembling of his fingers when he tucks a strand of hair behind my ear. I am delicate in his arms, devoted in his gaze. “Are you sure, Pae?” I smile up at him, having never been so sure of anything in my life. “Yes,” I answer softly. “Tonight will be our forever.”

OMG WHAT THE HELL

The loosened corset has a strap falling from my shoulder. Holding his gaze, I slip the other off my arm—an invitation. His chest heaves as I reach for his tunic and the trail of buttons down its center. One by one, I pull them free, revealing a sliver of skin beneath. Kai’s gaze glides over my collarbones, the lifting of my chest, the falling of my fingers from his shirt.

Then his mouth is on my skin again, kissing the length of my collarbone. The hollow of my throat. Above the heart that aches for him, and the scar his father gave me. Kai’s eyes flick up to mine then, after he’s skimmed his mouth over the mangled skin. His lips form a murmured promise. “No part of you will go unloved.”

wowwww

My confession is breathy, nearly lost on the wind. “I love you.” Then I shiver, because I want him so recklessly that it shakes me to my very core. And tonight, he is mine.

“I love you,” I say again, and pull his face up toward mine. He kisses me, and the world falls quiet. “I love you.” And when the dress slips from my skin, leaving only the rain to clothe me, he seems to whisper into my very soul. “You are my forever.” Shadow and Flame. Formidably inevitable. “Forever my undoing.”

GAHHHHHH

Her smile is soft, lingering at the corners with a slight shyness she rarely lets me see. “Good morning, Prince.” My pants are damp with dew, but I bend my knees, propping elbows on them loosely. “Good morning, darling.” I watch her pull each strap of that damp and dirtied dress over her shoulders. She can feel the gaze I drag over her and kindly lets me continue. Inching closer, Pae turns her bare back to me. “I know you’re better at unlacing corsets, but I can’t walk through the castle with my dress falling off.”

Laces that he loosened, replaced with lingering fingers. His skin was on mine, hot and cold and dripping with rain. Dress forgotten, fears abandoned, sins laid bare—

When I thank the Plague, it is not for the power it has gifted me, but for the privilege of you. Nothing makes me stronger than the weakness that is you, Paedyn Gray. And if, in the next lifetime, you choose to steal from me again, I would happily give you my soul if it meant a place beside yours.

aww

Surely, we will not go through with this wedding. Something will happen to stop this insanity. Kai will steal me away, or perhaps his brother will simply come to his senses. But there cannot possibly be a union at the end of that aisle.

My gaze is fixed distantly on the sliver of freedom ahead when I see him. Time slows. My heart splinters. Kai stands in the doorway, his chest heaving as though he has sprinted past his best judgment and found himself here. A broken sort of acknowledgment of my fate fills his face. I see the exact moment he realizes he is too late. His gray eyes flick between the two of us in disbelief. Even the Enforcer did not believe I would go through with it, and his hurt cuts me deep. I failed him. I failed us. Still, he musters a small smile. It is the look of letting someone go. And it tears me to pieces. He was going to save me.

omg ;((

The wedding has likely started already, but I’m rooted to the spot like this tree beside me. Tears sting my tired eyes. I can’t remember the last time I truly cried. Aside from my reunion with Paedyn after her third Trial, there was the day Ava died.

A tear rolls down my cheek. “I’m tired.” Tired of the loyalty that has taken everything I care about. Tired of standing by while happiness finds its home elsewhere. But most of all, I am tired of losing her. Then there is now—when I cry for the future I so badly wish to live with her. It’s a silent stream of tears that I try my best not to acknowledge. I take a shuddering breath before swiping at them roughly. “Don’t let her be your weakness.” Mother’s warning came far too late. She is not only my weakness—she is my everything.

My skin smells of her. My heart aches for her. The Enforcer bows to her. I’m off to find my queen.

"the enforcer bows to her" oouu

I stare at the woman. She stares up at me. Her bright blue eyes are nearly as vibrant as the smile she wears. There’s a certain warmth in her gaze, in the rosiness of her cheeks. Light blond hair cascades over her shoulders, falling in loose waves. And her nose… I take a shuddering breath before lifting the photograph in front of my face. Her nose is dusted with freckles. I stare at the queen. She stares up at one.

When I fought the king, his words meant nothing. Until now. “… a friend told me of his intentions and this Resistance he was a part of.” A friend. Someone close to my father, and the king. Someone loyal to the latter. Blooms did not spring flowers from the earth for Calum overnight. No, he has been tending to them for years. Because he is the king’s Mind Reader.

whatttt

I pick up the photograph next, flapping it between my fingers. “Do you still think I look like my mother?” Silence. “I thought it was odd when you mentioned that I looked like her from the pictures you had seen,” I say slowly. “See, we didn’t have any photos of my father’s wife, Alice.” My feet tread a path across the carpet, the dress’s hem lapping at my ankles. “I mean, a Transfer is needed to impress a Sight’s memory onto the page, and it all becomes far more expensive than it’s worth.”

“… that is not the only royal you have killed.” Calum’s words ring in my mind, another piece of the puzzle that is my past. “But Alice was not the mother you were talking about,” I breathe. “It was the queen you loved. The one who died giving birth to me.”

“Don’t do this, Kitt—” A sword sings as it’s pulled from a sheath. Kitt’s responding growl echoes through the courtyard. “Get out of my head.” His blade sinks into my father’s chest. I blink and the world spins to a sudden, jolting stop. Blood gushes from the wound in Calum’s chest as his king callously yanks the blade from his body. I watch those blue eyes widen on Kitt, then flicker with fleeting life.

whatttt

“Brother, just tell me what is going on. Please.” I turn only slightly. “I will. But only after I’ve ensured I’m right.” Then I’m off to steal away my queen.

“You would choose her,” Kitt whispers. “You’ve already chosen her, over and over again.” “This is ridiculous, Kitt—” The king stands, nearly toppling the chair in such haste. “It should only ever be us. You and me, always.” His gaze grows wild. “You remember that, don’t you? Before she came into our lives and left it in shambles.” Paedyn’s voice is small. “What are you talking about, Kitt?”

uhm lower your tone

My voice is choked. “You knew about Edric’s plan for the Resistance?” “Calum sent you to go find the tunnels beneath this castle, and Father used me to ensure you did.” He shakes his head. “I was stupid enough to think you wouldn’t use me like that.” “Calum wasn’t controlling you,” Kai states. “You were working together.” “No, he wasn’t controlling me.” The king nearly laughs. “But I was happy to go along with that theory.

what the hell

“What about the Trials?” I blurt. “Kai training your troops?” Kitt’s sigh is exasperated. “For Kai, a distraction and safeguard against stubborn Elite kingdoms. For you, a death sentence.” My face pales. “But you just wouldn’t die,” he says softly. “The bandits, the crew, the Wielder in that Pit—none of them could rid you from our lives. And that was fine, because I was going to let this next dose of Plague take you on its own terms.” His gaze softens. “I’m not a monster. I didn’t want to kill you, Paedyn. But now you have a claim to my throne.”

tea2me

My eyes drift downward. The iron stoker protrudes from his chest. That golden hair lies tousled on his head, glinting like a halo around his pale face. The king’s blood stains the same as his father’s had. Kai rushes to his brother, voice choked. “No! You were supposed to dodge, Kitt!” Dazed, the king looks down at the stoker buried in his chest. Touches shaking fingers to the gushing wound. His palm leans heavy on the desk beside him, leaving a bloody print atop his pile of parchment. My whole body trembles as I watch blood seep from Kitt’s touch, bathing scribbled words in scarlet beneath his fingertips. His wide green eyes lift. “I… forgot.”

oh my god

Sending Paedyn to Izram was partially with the hope that she wouldn’t return. I discreetly informed the captain that dumping her from the ship was an option, if his men so desired.

I FUCKING KNEW IT

Calum told me how he found a Wielder outside the Bowl after that third Purging Trial. How his mind screamed of grief and rage for the seamstress who was killed. But it was Paedyn he blamed for her being there in the first place. So I offered him a chance at revenge.

aint that some shit

I followed Kai numbly to his rooms and filled the tub with steaming water. He didn’t fight me when I peeled off his soiled clothes or urged him into the bath. His eyes were distant, hollow. But they were on me, and that was something. I lathered a bar of soap across his skin, smelling so distinctly of pine and the man I fell in love with. With a soft sponge, I scrubbed at every patch of hardened blood. His eyes never strayed from mine, shutting only when I softly asked it of him while wiping the stained face of sorrow itself. He didn’t stand from the tub when I finally lowered the sponge. Instead, he moved with an intent I hadn’t seen in half a day. Water dripped from his arms as he unbuttoned the back of my dress. As soon as it had slipped down my body and into a puddle of fabric on the floor, he pulled me into the tub.

“And you are forever my undoing, Paedyn Gray.” My knee meets the cobblestone, and her mouth opens in a gasp. “Marry me, Pae. I’m already on one knee, but I’ll get down on both and beg for you, if you like.”

OH?

“Pae,” I breathe. “I’ll kneel here all day, so long as your answer is yes.” A hand falls from her mouth to reveal a wide grin. “Good. I quite like the sight of you beneath me.” “Vicious little thing,” I murmur with all the admiration she deserves. Her voice grows choked as she spits my own words back at me. “You forgot the ‘my’ in front of that endearing nickname.” And then she is falling to her knees before me. Her hands shake against my face before a pair of smiling lips have found mine.