Fearless (The Powerless Trilogy, #3)

by Lauren Roberts

Pae’s eyes meet mine, stripping me bare with a single swipe of them. Shockingly enough, I find gratitude lingering in her gaze, thanking me for enduring this alongside her. And, suddenly, the look of relief she wears at my mere presence proves to be reward enough.

“Why don’t we discuss this back at the castle? In private.” Paedyn’s eyes lift to the procession in front of us and where exactly it’s headed. “We’re going back? Now?” Her head whips toward Kitt, hair glinting in the sunlight. “What about the slums?” Kitt’s gaze slides to mine, uncertain. “Well, the parades always remain in the upper city….” “But that is my home,” she says slowly. “That is where any remaining Ordinaries will be. Is this not a celebration of the union that will unite Elites and Ordinaries?”

“I remember you using me to discover the tunnels beneath our castle,” Kitt says coolly. “And disguising your true intentions behind wanting to show me your home.”

bruh if we gonna moveon then lets move on

Before Calum’s council, I showed you that the people in those slums are your people too.” She slides her hand from his. “Or has power already made you forget that fact?”

CLOCK IT

“You’re right,” Kitt says slowly. A sort of placidness falls over his features. “I should have known you would say that.” My eyes flick between them, but he doesn’t look at me. His words have horses halting, men obeying, Pae’s smile growing. “Turn the coaches around. We are going to the slums.”

“My search had to be thorough, darling,” he muses. “Don’t take it too personally.” His words are casual, perfectly playing the part of dutiful Enforcer. But I see the apology hidden in the gaze he keeps pinned on mine, see the promise we share.

But I never find out what it was he meant to say. Instead, he dives over me when the explosions erupt. I’m thrown against the floor of the coach, Kitt toppling beside me as Kai’s body shields the both of us. My ears ring from the impact, drowning out the screams I know echo all around.

EXPLOSIONS???

He looks down at me then, eyes flicking between my wide ones. “Stay here. You’re going to be fine.” He doesn’t let himself linger any longer before jumping from the coach and into the thick smoke.

COME BACK

“Dammit, Pae. You never follow orders, do you?” His voice is harsh, but I hear the tinge of sorrow lacing every word.

never

Edric

uhm?????????

Calum, his voice distant, adds, “And that is not the only royal you have killed.” My eyes dart to his. “What are you talking about?” He opens his mouth quickly, folding stiff arms behind his back. “A piece of Kitt died that day, did it not?” Gesturing in the direction of the west tower, he adds solemnly, “Along with the king’s wife, now sick with grief.”

well who tf asked you bruh

“Paedyn must prove herself to all of Ilya. Prove she is strong enough to rule, even as an Ordinary. That is the only way we believe they will accept her.” I almost laugh. “And how do we plan on doing that?” His silence is ominous. And when he finally speaks, I understand why. “The people want to send you back into your own Trials.”

DO WHAT?

I watched Paedyn ponder this deadly decision, watch the agreement form on those pretty lips of hers. Rage was a rumble in my chest that rose to my tongue, shouting that she can’t be serious. I stood before her, fought the urge to cup her face, and told her she cannot enter another set of Trials.

i dont like this idea either

“Paedyn Gray will once again compete in a series of Trials.” Giddy gasps ring out at his words, followed by bloodthirsty nods of approval. This is what they wanted—and their king provides. “These Trials,” Kitt continues, “will be for the future queen alone. They will be structured around the three B’s you all know my father to have lived by. It is bravery, benevolence, and brutality that make a great ruler. These events will test each of those qualities. This will allow Paedyn to prove herself worthy of the throne—and your loyalty.”

this is bonkers ngllll

She steps forward then, every gaze snapping to her. The dress clings to her in a way I long to, eyes sweep over the crowd that I now desperately wish I was in. She is striking in the most formidable of ways. Sharp like the pointed stare she gives, the tongue I’ve tasted, the end of her dagger that’s worn my blood.

She takes another step forward, forcing me to fight the awe beginning to slip through my mask of indifference.

“So bow at my feet with a sneer, if you must. I won’t see it with your face to the ground.”

CLOCK ITTT

I would rather not let my betrothed know I came out here to meet his brother.

lol

“I wouldn’t dream of it.” Kitt’s chuckle seems to light the darkness. “And I already have some Ordinaries for you. The few we captured from the Bowl after that third Trial.” Shock sweeps over me. He didn’t kill them.

MAKOTO

“Couldn’t sleep without me?” he muses, sword glinting in the flickering light. I frown. “How did you know I was here?” “I knew you couldn’t stay away from me for much longer.” “Don’t flatter yourself.” My arms cross over the thin shirt I’m suddenly all too aware of. “How did you know?” He gives me an unsure tilt of his head. “I guess I can sense you, in a way. It sounds odd, but the darkness helps me focus. Everything is heightened.” Kai waves a hand, as if to slash through the words he’s just spoken. “I just knew.”

“Did the burning desire to see me wake you?” I slowly steal the space between us, stepping quietly into the ring. My smile is sharp. “No. But the sudden urge to hit you did.” He looms over me, his bare chest nearly brushing mine. “If you want to put your hands on me, just say that.”

I WANT TO

His sword clatters to the ground. Strong arms wrap suddenly around my waist before another drop of rain can fall from the sky. I’m being pulled closer, pressed flush against his solid body. With a tilt of my chin, he murmurs against my lips. “My pretty Pae. Tell me you missed me.” Our lips brush, and I can taste his desperation for me. I smile. My response is a swift hook of my foot behind his. With a firm tug, I accomplish something few have ever done. I send the Enforcer sprawling into the dirt. My voice drifts into the night like the cloud of dust between us. “I missed kicking your ass.” “Oddly enough”—his smile is crooked—“so did I.”

“I hate that you’re being thrown back into this.” I feel his head shake. “You should have never agreed to these Trials.”

oh i agree

“I could die—” He closes the distance between us, pressing rough palms against my cheeks. “So damn the Trials. Pae, let me force every person in this kingdom to their knees for you.”

sigh

“And if I want to survive this, I should train,” I add quickly. Kai takes a step back, his head shaking. The movement is more terrifying than him swinging a sword at me. “If you want me to fight you, I won’t, Paedyn. I told you in that field of poppies how I would never do that again. That when I lay a hand on you, it would only ever be in a caress.” Raindrops drip from his lashes, but he doesn’t dare blink as he murmurs, “And I plan to keep that vow.”

“If you were sick of getting your ass kicked, just say that.” The corner of his mouth lifts begrudgingly. “Oh, is that what you think?” “Let’s just say I can sense it.” I lean in, whispering, “I’m kind of a Psychic.” The last thing I see is a shake of his head before the world flips upside down. I squeal when he throws me over his shoulder, hair dangling and face angled toward the now-muddy ring. “Did you sense that coming, Little Psychic?” he calls over the shoulder I’m currently slung over.

“Where are you taking me?” I’m breathless and gripping the waist of his pants for dear life. He’s quiet for several steps. “Somewhere even the future can’t find us.” I smile sadly. “The willow tree?” “The willow tree.”

“Yes, I can’t say I wasn’t a little surprised when he brought you back to me.” His green gaze grows pointed. “He was yours, entirely.”

atleast yk

I see a friendship, not love. No, love is what I see when I look at his brother.

With a shake of my head, I lift a forkful of potatoes between us. “Fine. To my dislike for mashed potatoes. May it be our biggest problem.” This earns me a slight smile. He clinks his fork against mine and echoes, “May it be our biggest problem.”

I’m tired and hungry, but most of all, I’m thinking of her.

She peeks her head out the door, expression suddenly anxious. “You shouldn’t be here,” she hisses into the silence. Then, without another word, I’m being tugged into her room. I kick the door shut behind me. “Where else would I be?” “Your own room, maybe?” “My room doesn’t have you in it.” My lips twitch. “Hence why I’m in yours.”

This kiss is greedy and aching. This kiss is made up of every moment I wasn’t able to touch her, every moment I wanted her but willed myself not to.

Her lips are as soft as the skin beneath my roaming hands. I feel a shiver snake down her spine when my fingers curl into her damp hair. “You shouldn’t be here,” she reminds again, barely managing to get the words out. My response is a whisper against her lips. “I know.” “Someone could have seen you,” she pants. “I know.” Her hands grasp at my hair. “I’m an engaged woman.” My voice is low. “Oh, I know.”

My fingers find that damning ring, slipping it off even as my mouth moves against hers. She makes a sound of protest against my lips that has my heartbeat quickening, but I manage to grab her other wrist from where it’s buried in my hair. Before she can stop me, I’ve pushed the band onto the finger of her right hand. “There. Now it’s just a ring. No vows attached.”

oh yall are crazyyy

“We’re going to start doing that regularly.” “Of course,” I bite out. “Kings and queens dine together, after all.” Jealousy weighs heavy on my words, straining my voice enough to have Paedyn sighing. Her hands cup my face to turn it toward her. “Please don’t push me away too. I don’t want this any more than you do.”

“Don’t do that,” I breathe. “Do what?” I duck my head. “Ruin me.” “I thought that is what you wanted?” she reminds me slyly. “Not like this.” I tuck a damp strand of hair behind her ear. “Not with him.” A slow ache begins its inevitable build in my chest. I will always love my brother, but I’m not sure I can bear to watch him grow old with her. Loyalty and love are damning enough when apart from each other. Now, they are dangerously tangled together.

Reaching into my boot, I carefully slide the gift from it. “I should be worried. It will likely find its way to my neck again.” The silver dagger gleams, as if calling to her. Her eyes widen, roaming up the sharp blade and over the swirling pattern dressing the hilt. Reaching out slowly, she grabs hold of her father’s knife. And for this one, single moment, all is right in the world. There she is, the Silver Savior, standing before me—dagger in hand and a smile spreading across her face.

Her palm finds my face in a gentle caress. “You’re not him.” Those three words threaten to shatter me to pieces. I can’t bring myself to look at her. It’s a sudden, deafening relief that follows in the wake of her reassurance. I hadn’t even realized how terribly I’d needed to hear that from her lips. The symmetries between my father and the monster he made of me have haunted every corner of my mind for as long as I can remember. “Kai.” Her voice is delicate enough to refocus my fragile mind. “You’re not him,” she whispers again, tears pricking those beautiful blue eyes. “I need you to know that. For me.”

I open my mouth, but it’s her strained voice I hear. “Don’t. Not yet.” She blows out a breath, her fingers brushing down the length of my cheek. “Every person who has ever said that to me is gone. And I… I need you more than I need those words.” I smile, pressing a kiss to her forehead. “It will take far more than mere words to drag me from you, darling.” “It better,” she breathes.

The familiar dagger strapped to my thigh is a comfort I cling to, along with the memory of his hands fastening it there. “Impress me today, darling,” he had whispered, kneeling before me. The words were so similar to the ones I had uttered after we sparred for the first time. And with his hands gripping my thigh, gray eyes meeting mine through dark lashes, I realized, terrifyingly, that I would do anything to earn his praise.

This Trial proves nothing of my ability to rule a kingdom, and he knows it. But to be an Ordinary is to prove myself in ways that even Elites cannot.

Keeping my distance from him is a Trial of its own. It is cruel, not being able to call him mine after everything we’ve endured. Perhaps in another life, I am strong enough to never need proof of it. Perhaps in another life, I am brave enough to confess that I love him. Perhaps in another life, I learn to love him from afar. And that is the most fearless thing of them all. So I look away, letting my feet carry me even farther from him.

My heart stutters in my chest, breath catching in my throat. It’s a coffin. It’s her coffin. The first queen, Mareena of Dor, lies beside me.

oh wow

I would have stood at the edge of that desert until she walked back into my arms. That is, if I weren’t the damn Enforcer of Ilya.

As much as I want her to be mine, I want her to be Death’s far less.

“And Paedyn?” I ask slowly. “You know of his engagement to the Ordinary?” “The Ordinary,” she muses, gaze sharp. “That is not all she is. Especially to you.”

Some time later, when I eventually stand to leave the infirmary, she reminds me of that promise I have yet to make. In return, I remind her that Paedyn Gray has been my weakness since that very first dinner before the Purging Trials.

I will her to walk through those doors. If not for this kingdom, then for me. I need her to come back to me. She is willingly my weakness, and yet, nothing has ever made me stronger.

“If her life weren’t at stake right now, I guarantee I’d be much more fun tonight.”