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June 25 - June 26, 2024
I know I should be jumping for joy, but I want her to be my wife, the mother of my children, not my fuck buddy. It could turn into that later once the situation is handled.
“I will kill anyone who touches you. It’s a shame you would play with someone else’s life like that. Let’s be crystal clear: you belong to me, Phoenix Diamond McClain, and I know you, baby; this isn’t you, so tell me what’s really good.”
“Fuck it, it doesn’t matter. I’m down for as long as you’ll have me. My only request is you let me have this until my birthday. I can’t have you one time; I’m too greedy. I need you, Jewel, and if I can’t have you the way that you deserve, I’ll gladly hand over the pieces of me that you can use.”
She tasted so overpowering that I gave her all of my feelings—the ones I kept tucked away, my love for her in every swipe of my tongue.
My need to protect her from the ones closest to her in the twist of her nipples. My desire to bring her to her bringing point so lost in the feeling of us that she can’t even touch herself without thinking of me.
I will make you fall in love with how our bodies were created from spit and clay for each other. I will worship you, praise your body, and pray
that you’ll have me even though I don’t deserve you. That you will accept my reasoning for making us wait.
Warmth. Comfort. Belonging.
‘Boys like Kendrix who come from bad homes want to cling onto your light; you are life and light, and he could use some of that.’.
“Let me tell you something, Phoenix Diamond McClain; you are your namesake, a precious and rare jewel that deserves more than what I am able to give you.
I will be treating this blessing because that’s what you are to me – like the best thing God has ever given me with.
This is selfish of me, but I need you to love me, I need you to care about me, and I need you to give me your all. There is no one else on this earth who makes me a better man. I need you to not give up on me baby, please.”
So, if nothing else comes out of this arrangement between us, I will show him that he deserves love. Even if I don’t want to be here to receive all of the love that is trapped underneath the walls of his abuse.
“All I know is that woman right there is the diamond in the rough of my soul. I want to love her for as long as I can. Trust me, I don’t want to hurt her any more than I already have, but for the first time, I’m not focusing on all the wrong things. Life is still against us, but if it isn’t changing anytime soon, why can’t I soak up a little bit of her until she’s pried out of my heart?”
Even though it is true, sure she could find a man better for her than me. That’s a lie; no man would have dedicated years of his life to help the woman he loved carry something that should have never been hers to shoulder.
Phoenix; I wanted to bathe you and rub your feet. Take care of you in this way; me sexing you isn’t the only way you need to be taken care of. I need to penetrate your heart so that I can overrun your soul as you do mine. You want this arrangement to be about sex, and I want romance, so I need you to let your walls down for now, baby. Can you let yourself feel for me?”
“You are one of the most important people in my life. I hold you to the highest standard of grace, elegance, and esteem. My life was forever changed when I walked through the doors of Grandma Lucy’s and laid eyes on you. I think I fell in love at first glance; I remember not wanting to let go of your hand because it was the first time I felt peace. That’s what you are to me, my peace. The peace in my chaotic life, all the screams, sirens, and memories of the past, are brought to silence when I look at you. I love you, but that doesn’t quite sum up how I feel; that seems too basic. That’s how I
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‘Kendrix baby, this is only a season we are going through; we will get through this. You hold on to God and stay strong.’.
She deliberately kept Kendrix away from me for years; life was too short, and death had no favorites. Either of us could not be walking this earth anymore, and instead of spending time together, we were puppets being manipulated by the puppeteer.
I could never quite put you in the family category; it always felt like more because that’s what we were meant to be. I will not give up on you, Kendrix Morgan. I see the man God created you to be, and I’d
stupid to walk away from you. You think I don’t have abandonment issues either, my parents dropped me off at Gran’s and only came to visit maybe three times every three years.
What we look for in other people, we have found in each other,
“I love you so much, Phoenix Diamond McClain; you are the woman for me. I have never wanted any person the way I want you. There should be no doubt about my feelings for you; I will do right by you. I promise to protect your heart and never lie to you again.
This is us, baby, the quiet and the storm, the loud and the reserved. Our love doesn’t have to be understood by others as long as we get it. I have you, which is enough for me; I’m holding you this close for the rest of my life, right here in my heart.”
“I know, I gave you my heart, and I have nothing else to surrender to you. I surrender everything: my pride, heart, and secrets. Are you ready, love? I need you. My body is buzzing.”
“You know it’s the same way with God’s grace; we don’t deserve what he gives us because we are flawed humans who decide to sin daily. But he still loves us and gives us another chance to get it right. A verse says, allow God to remain in you, and you remain in him, and he will give the desires of your heart. Now stop questioning why you are blessed and accept the blessing for what it is.”
He was all-consuming; the fullness of his strokes and every nip he placed on my body was addicting.
No matter what life had thrown at her she still had this cloud of innocence following her, it teaches me to not be so jaded.
She is loving you; love heals all wounds.
A relationship is like a recipe you have a way that you have always done it in the past but every now and again, you will have to change things as your taste buds and mindset changes.
“My heart is happy that things are great between Phoenix and I, happiness is a foreign feeling for me because it was always clouded by the disparities of outside forces. Happiness may not be the right word because it is fickle, it can come and go as the wind does. I am joyful but still afraid that when I blink it’ll be gone. My heart knows that shit has to go up before it comes back down, the storm
isn’t over yet… it’s brewing.
have loved you since you held my hand and the storm in my life cleared away. Now I don’t know what I did to deserve you, but I am tired of always questioning it. You are my beautiful surprise and
the greatest inspiration to my life.”
Jewel, I didn’t choose you, baby. You chose me. You can be with anyone you want to, but for whatever reason, that person is me. This is not
me speaking through my insecurities but through the knowledge of who you are and who I am. I don’t deserve you, but God knows that I would never let another man have what he is giving me. God gave you to me, so I thank you for accepting that gift. For accepting me.”
“Always, you will always rise from the ashes.”
I was a rising Phoenix that would come up out of the ashes.
The dust and debris created the most beautiful imagery of what the three of us were: three souls brought together by unfair circumstances, but to each other, we became a refuge, a home. We may be a bit broken down, but a house is still a home.
That hazel eye sparkled in the sun, and that’s all I ever wanted her. To be on the other end of that wanton smile. To feel worthy enough to receive, to never let a decision I make be the reason why her eyes aren’t luminescent anymore, with or without the sun.
The love I used to see only in bits and pieces, shadowed by the burden he pledged to handle by himself, came out in the sun tonight. Kendrix looked at me like he wanted this forever, like he wanted me forever.
That’s how he made me feel, free to be loved fiercely and wild to explore things that would make the church ladies blush.
How blessed I was to be loved by him. How certain I was that he would rescue me. Good wasn’t good enough, though. Kendrix’s love changed my life for the better.
“Phoenix Diamond McClain, my jewel. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me, the purest soul in the shitstorm that was my life. I thought nothing good would come to me after the things I’ve done, but God gave me a second chance to get it right with you. He showed me the kind of man I had to become to be good enough to sit in the same room as you. You held your ground and didn’t take any of my bullshit. You taught me how to keep searching, keep fighting, and keep living until I found it. It took me a long time, but I found my way to you. I want to be here for eternity
if you allow me to; we eliminated every trap the enemy set up for us. Trust that I will do it all over again. Nothing will stop me from loving you with my whole heart. When that isn’t enough, I’ll love you with my soul, too. Jewel, will you do me the greatest honor and be my wife?”
