I Got Abducted by Aliens and Now I'm Trapped in a Rom-Com
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2%
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“Thicken Nugget, you evil bitch,
MaKenna liked this
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But hey, that’s how you know she’s made it. Girl’s got an entire research team plotting her assassination.
MaKenna liked this
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However, unlike Pastor Dan, she’d jump right back up only to lament how my unsightly cargo pants were made by the devil himself. If so, dear devil, I thank you for these marvelously deep pockets.
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“Listen, your father and I paid for you to go to that fancy animal school in full, and you still didn’t come back with a man on your arm. Who’s going to take care of you when you’re done with your little research project?”
Hannah
Fuck that
3%
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My thumb slipped of its own accord and ended the call. Terrible accident, really; could have been anyone. Funny how life works.
9%
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“We’re going to die!” I wailed. “We’re gonna die and I’m never going to get my PhD!”
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“Right,” Toto said, walking up behind me. “You can’t just save us and not adopt us. What’s that word humans use for those animals that always stick around them? Pets? Yeah, that’s it. We’re your pets now, so you’re stuck with us. Feed me.”
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“Hmm, you’re kinda cute when you smile,” I said, grinning back at him. “Too bad I’ve always favored curiosity to men.”
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“I quit,” I shouted petulantly. “Spread my ashes by the seaside with a tasteful eulogy.”
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“Do you mind? I’m trying to die.”
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“Wow, okay, several questions,” I said to Toto. “One, why is the alien so hot?
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“Holy shit, he breathes fire,”
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“What are those disgusting appendages?”
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“My kind is called Sankado. Are humans the native species of this planet? We haven’t seen any of you since we’ve been here.”
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“Defending my kill, protecting you, the simple thrill of a fight to the death? I’m a fucking lion, take your pick.”
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“You make an incredible number of demands for a woman in constant need of saving.”
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“It seems wishing stars do exist. Tell me your name, Stardust.” What kind of isekai shit is this?
25%
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Fuck, he feels good. Nope, nope, focus. Remember the last gym rat we dated. Sexy muscles are always attached to narcissistic cheaters.
26%
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“Please put me down. I don’t want to be touching his mate when the serum takes effect.”
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Fuck, I want him so raw.
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All right, that settles it. I’ve died and been reincarnated in some stupid anime. If there are any gods at all, please don’t make this a full-blown “why choose.” Just keep it to us three. Lord, you know I don’t have the stamina.
27%
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My heart took a leap of faith and shot out of my ass.
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“Stop worrying about what’s going to happen. Think about where we are right now. Think about what we’ve already done. You say you want to make a name for yourself; well, how many humans have swum past a river monster and lived to tell the tale?”
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Stop worrying about your life’s plan and sunbathe with me. It’s a good day.”
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My knees hit the ground before I could even pretend to have an ounce of remaining feminism.
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“Do you understand how badly I want to break you? I want you desperate, I want you needy, I want you so well used that you’ll never doubt who you fell from the sky for.”
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you take us so well.”
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I don’t care if it’s the result of meddlesome aliens. From this moment on, where you walk, I follow.”
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No, Lok was something much more menacing to my heart. He was a man who was good with animals. Be it firemen posing with adorable kittens on calendars, Steve Irwin calling a crocodile rightfully trying to murder him beautiful, or apparently even alien men petting dinosaurs, something about it made me weak in the knees every time.
38%
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Each step felt like a vendetta against my knees. I’m not ready to have bad knees. Wasn’t that supposed to wait until your thirties?
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“You’re not the one responsible for that car with nothing in it, are you?”
Hannah
This feels semi-important.
40%
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“You can’t be considerate and good with animals. It’s not fair.” “To who, Sol?” “No, my heart. I just got here, man. Cut a girl a break.” He gave me a lopsided grin. “Oh, I’m afraid I can’t do that. You’re mine, after all. If you’re not completely obsessed with me by nightfall, I’ll die of a broken heart.”
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“How could I not be serious with a fallen star pressed against me? The world could sink into oblivion and I’d still have the honor of dying the happiest man alive.”
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It was a miracle my pants didn’t disintegrate under the burn of his touch.
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His voice was a low drawl. One that you sank into like the sea at night. Its water wrapped around you, keeping you safe and warm as it pulled you deeper into the dark.
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“You smell like sex, honey, and mine. I want more of it.”
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“Fuck it.”
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Some would call ignoring your problems unhealthy. I call it an art form.
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“Ah, your human note cards! More enrichment items to help with your transition to this planet. Do you like them?”
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“What if I don’t want to? It’s nice here in denial land. I might set up shop and stay awhile.” “Then you are a foolish creature with fits of fancy.” I snapped my fingers. “Virgo.” “What?” “Nothing, it’s not important.” Of course he’d be Virgo to my Cancer.
48%
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“You’ve seen the Gruulorak.” I shrugged. “Guess so.” His eyes widened. “You guess so? Dory, I’ve been hunting the Gruulorak for weeks. That gluttonous monster slaughtered ten of our best warriors and feasted on our cattle until it grew fat.” He looked me over as if he were speaking to a ghost. “How are you still alive?”
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“Our research shows that the ‘only one bed’ method is a tried-and-true way to get humans to mate!
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“Lok isn’t a Roamcrest. He’s General Ghoszi Lokbaatar of the Singing Arrows, one of the most notorious war generals back on Sankatul.”
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“If she were a cobra I’d beg for her poison every sunrise and sunfall.”
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“Release my tit.”
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“No, I am not okay. I’m so in love I could cry. I just want to settle down with her and any sisters she may have and raise a whole mess of cubs.
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“I don’t know how things work in your species,” he began, his voice more gentle now. “But as a Sankado male, I need you to be safe. If you get hurt, this world and everyone in it will turn to ash beneath my hooves.” Hot.
Hannah
Hot, indeed.
62%
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If I’d let Sol walk away from me on the beach, then I might have been spared the festering ache of his absence. But I didn’t. Instead, like an idiot, I’d told myself it’d be fine just to have a taste and be on my way. Then I’d shared my body, my bed, and banter around a breakfast table. Now I knew the crooked curve of his smile and how fucking good it felt to be the one to put it there.
63%
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The blood on my hands holds no purpose other than to stain my dreams.
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Under no circumstances should my Black ass be creeping around an alien planet by myself. Even as I left the cave, I could feel my ancestors calling me a stupid bitch.
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