The Last Letter

by Rebecca Yarros

Don’t make her go through it alone. I’ll save you a seat on the other side, brother, but take your time. Take every single second you can. You are the only brother I would have wished for, and my very best friend. And just in case no one ever told you—you’re worthy. Of love. Of family. Of home.

So while you’re searching for those things, please make sure Telluride is where you look. At least for a little while.

“I’m at the field with Colt. I’m not going to let you down, Ella. Or him.”

“Trust me, please.”

“I will show up for you. For Colt. For Maisie. I will not walk away. I will not abandon you. I will not die.”

“I will show up, and if you don’t believe me now, that’s okay. I’ll earn it.”

“You have the right because I give it to you.”

“I’m not going to. The sooner you believe that, the sooner I can pick up a little of that burden you’re so hell-bent on carrying solo. Have a little faith in me.”

I laughed and for the first time realized that I was utterly, completely content with my life. Even if I never got Ella, never tasted her mouth, never touched her skin, never kept her in bed on a rainy Sunday morning or heard her say the three little words I was starved for, this moment was enough.

“Nah. You win as a team, and you lose as a team. There’s no shame in that.”

“No one does, Colt. But I can tell you sometimes the losses are just as important as the wins. The wins feel really good and let us celebrate what we did right. But the losses, they teach us more. They teach us to see where we can improve, and yeah, they feel pretty darn bad, and that’s okay. As you get bigger, you’ll see that it’s not how you handle the wins that make you a good man, it’s how you handle the losses.”

“They’re not yours, either,” I said.

“But I’m theirs, and that’s all that matters. And I can tell you that if you ever come close to them without Ella’s permission, Havoc will be the least of your concerns.”

“You don’t think I want you.”

“I want you.”

“Ella. I want you.”

“Don’t ever think that I don’t want you, because if things were different, I would have already been inside you. I would know exactly how you feel, and what you sound like, look like, when you come. I’ve thought about it at least a hundred different ways, and believe me, I’ve got a great imagination.”

“Not on my watch.” I didn’t care what I had to do. I’d find a way for her to get what she needed. I wasn’t watching another kid die if I had the power to change her fate.

“Don’t be. Never be sorry for looking out for Ella. I told you only so you’d know that there’s nothing I wouldn’t do to keep her safe, to take care of her and the kids. Nothing. They’re the whole reason I’m here.”

“Right, and you’ve armed her with a slingshot and sent her against the giant. I’m telling you that I have a damn tank, and you won’t use it! Are you really going to watch her die because you won’t gamble that I’m a decent guy? What do you want? Character references? A lie detector? Put me through anything you want, just let me save her!”

“They’re not your kids,” I said.

“You might be their biological father, but you’re sure as hell not their dad. You’ve never so much as seen them, spoken to them, or had any interaction. They. Are. Not. Your. Kids. They’re mine.”

“Take Ella right now to get her hair cut. Get her a massage, a seaweed bath, or whatever it is you girls like to do. Paint toenails, get new clothes, all of it. You have five hours, and then I need her at the courthouse. Can you do that?”

“Stop,” I pleaded. “You’re giving me the gift of your kids. Let me give you a few hours. And afterward, we’ll go out. To an actual restaurant with actual menus and no crayons on the table. No lawyers. No kids. Just us. And you’ll feel as pretty as you always are to me.”

“Don’t give this to Ella, she won’t use it. Please go make her feel like a woman.”

“You’re stunning. You don’t need makeup. There has never been a moment since I met you that I saw you as anything less than an incredible, exquisitely beautiful woman. But I understand that you don’t feel the way I see you. So yes, I’m sure.”

Then I lifted her hand, flipped it over, and pressed a long, soft kiss directly to the center of her palm, wishing more than anything that it was her mouth.

“To prove that I don’t give a crap about hairy legs. Plus, now it hasn’t been seven years since you’ve been kissed.”

“What do you say, Ella MacKenzie? Want to make me a dad?”

“I could kiss you forever,”

“I always knew it would be like this between us. From the moment I set eyes on you, I knew the minute my hands…”

“I knew the minute I got my hands on you, it would take a miracle for me to stop long enough to get a rational thought in my head. Touching you… God, Ella, if you had any idea how badly I want you, you would not still be sitting on my counter looking at me like that.”

“No. I didn’t say ‘do you want to make out with me?’ Do you want me? Because I’m standing here, trying to keep my hands on the counter so I don’t send them up your dress to the insides of your thighs.”

“Because I know once they’re stroking over that soft skin, there’s no way I’m going to be able to breathe without taking you, sliding inside you like I’ve fantasized about for entirely too long.”

“And once that happens, everything changes between us, Ella. So I need you to tell me that you want me, or walk out that door before something happens that you’re not ready for.”

“Perfect,”

could watch you do that a million times and still want more.”

“God, baby,”

“So beautifully wet,”

“Don’t worry, I’ve got you,”

“Ella,” he groaned. “God, you’re everything.”

“I love you,”

“I’ve loved you since the beginning. Nice to know you caught up.”

“I’m in love with you. I was in love with you before we slept together, and I’ll be in love with you for the rest of my life if my heart is any indication. Nothing about last night changed that. I’m me. You’re you. We’re…whatever you want us to be.”

“I want you. I told you that last night.”

“I want you. All of you. Trust me, getting to put my hands on you is a pretty big perk, because I’m not sure if anyone told you or not, but you’re incredibly gorgeous. But I want more than a night of you in my bed. Or on the kitchen counter.”

“Okay. Then we’re dating.” My smile

“Twist my arm, why don’t you?” I bent for a kiss, and she stepped back with that don’t-mess-with-me look she was so fond of. “Exclusively,” I agreed. “Ella, there’s a reason I haven’t been with anyone since I came here.”

“Ha. Because from the moment I saw your face and heard you speak, you were the only one I wanted. You ruined me for anyone else before you ever knew my name.”

“Now that I’ve had a night with you, I don’t want only one. I want them all, and I’m willing to take whatever you want to give me.”