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“Well, I mean, you are their father.”
“Have to say that I love hearing that, too.”
“It’s all really normal, and I know it sounds crazy, but I’m really loving normal. Spending time with you and the kids, getting you alone whenever I can, it’s really…”
“As long as normal means I come home to you tonight, I’m good with it.”
“Always so ready. God, I love you, Ella.”
“Because I love you.”
“Because kissing you, making love with you? When we’re together, you eclipse all of that. It’s not even in the background, it just doesn’t exist. Combat never bothered me before because I had nothing to lose. No one loved me, and I cared only about Ryan and Havoc. I couldn’t leave you. I couldn’t go across the world and worry about you, about the kids. I couldn’t go into combat with the same effectiveness because I’d know that if I died, you’d be alone. Get it?”
“No, you gave me something to lose. Other married guys, they’re okay, but maybe it’s because they didn’t come from such messed-up childhoods. Love for them was the monorail. You are the first person I’ve ever loved, and the first woman who has ever loved me. You’re the roller coaster.” Well, if that didn’t just pop a pin into my anger bubble and burst it.
“If I ever hide something from you, it’s because I’m terrified to risk losing you. That whole roller-coaster thing? I’ve never felt like this. Never had my heart leave my body and belong to someone else. I don’t know how to have a relationship, and I’m bound to screw this one up.”
“I didn’t give you a key because you own the cabin, Ella. I figured you already had one. Maybe I should have told you to use it whenever you wanted, but I guess I thought you knew.”
“You gave me your key when we reached the point in our relationship where you trusted me, then I was allowed access to you.”
“I had to earn your trust. But you’ve had mine since day one. You already had a key to me. I know the attic door is a little jammed, but just give it some time.”
“I should have told you, and I know this is about to cost me…you, but I can’t let another kid pay for my mistakes, especially not Maisie.”
“You said you needed evidence that I knew the kids before the diagnosis, that I had a relationship with them. You’ll find letters in there dating before the diagnosis, as well as pictures drawn by the kids and little notes. I knew the kids, loved them, and loved Ella before Maisie was diagnosed. You have no reason to investigate. If this was just about Maisie’s treatments, I wouldn’t have adopted Colt, too. The truth is that I wanted to be their dad.”
“No. I fell in love with you way before Ryan died.”
“And then I fell in love with you.” Foolish, stupid, naive heart. “You gave me a glimpse of the life I never thought I could have. You showed me what it meant to have a family and people who show up, and I did my best to show up for you. I can’t thank you enough for the last eleven months, and I can’t begin to explain how immeasurably sorry I am for what I’ve done to you, and what I’ve cost you. Ella, you’re the last person I would ever want to hurt.”
“No. Ryan’s letter got me here. I wouldn’t have come without it. But the rest, Ella, that was all because I love you. Because I love Colt and Maisie. Because for this brief, shining moment, you were my family, my future, and it looked a lot like forever. I didn’t do all of that for Ryan. I did it for you. For me.”
“We protect smaller people,” he said
“I get to ride in a helicopter? Cool.”
“I think I’m dying,” he whispered.
“It’s okay. Don’t be sad. Tell Mom and Maisie not to be sad, either.” He took several labored breaths. “I get to see Uncle Ryan.”
“I got to have you. Just like a dad.”
“You’re my dad.”
“I’m your dad.”
“So this is what it feels like.” He reached over, his hand cold as he laid it against my ch...
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“I love being your dad, Colt. You are the best little boy I could have ever been given. I’m so proud of y...
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“I’m a Gentry,”
“Always?” he asked.
“Always. I will always be your dad. No matter what. Nothing will change that.” Even death. My love for him would cross however far God took him.
“Colton Ryan MacKenzie-Gentry. I got everything...
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“Tell Mom and Maisie I love them.”
“I love you, Dad,” he whispered.
“I love you, Colt.”
“He’s gone.” My arms tightened around his little body.
“I made him pinwheels this morning,” I said, running my hand over his soft hair. “He wanted extra cheese, and I gave it to him. I made him pinwheels.”
