Win the Inside Game: How to Move from Surviving to Thriving, and Free Yourself Up to Perform

by Steve Magness

But I was too drained, exhausted, and numb to feel joy. It was just relief that it was over.

Research has found that depersonalization, where we intentionally detach from aspects of our job, is one of the primary coping mechanisms for workplace burnout. Under preparation is a coping strategy to protect our sense of self. Not giving our all is about shielding our ego from harm. This is the real-world version of choking.

To have a meaningful life, we need to feel: Coherent: Life adds up. You have a cohesive story. Who you were, are, and will be have a thread that runs through them. Significant: You matter, can make a difference, and can achieve some sort of status in life. Directed: There’s purpose to your life and pursuits. You have goals leading you toward something. You can make progress. Belonging: You’re part of something bigger than just you—family, friends, and groups. You can weave your story into others’ stories.

Be—Clarity on Who You Are Do—Clarity in Your Pursuits Belong—Clarity on Where and How You Fit In

Clarity doesn’t mean aiming or hoping for perfection. It means dealing with the messiness, seeing the imperfections, the tug of war of different motives, the contrasting pull for status and contentment. We need to acknowledge and see all of it; good and bad, hopeful and hopeless, so that we can deal with it. That’s winning the inside game.

Compartmentalizing and separating provided temporary relief but failed over the long haul. As I moved from the acute phase to the seemingly never-ending journey of not knowing when this part of my life would end, it began to feel like my life was on hold.

We like our stories simple, to make sense and to add up. But that’s not realistic.

Whatever we resist persists.

If we let it, failure brings clarity. It peels back the layers of pretense, cutting through our protective self-deceptions, so that we can see our self and pursuits as they are.

We craft narratives to make sense of our experiences, to find coherence by connecting the past, present, and future. We all walk around with stories that help guide our behavior and make sense of our experiences, but we ultimately play a role in how we tell those stories.

The right kind of caring is from the inside out. It’s liking or even loving your pursuit but not marrying it. It’s holding on to your values tightly while keeping space between what you do and who you are.

We need to feel at home in all aspects of our life, including: with others, in our spaces, and in the direction we are headed.

“Authenticity is the daily practice of letting go of who we think we’re supposed to be and embracing who we are. Choosing authenticity means cultivating the courage to be imperfect, to set boundaries, and to allow ourselves to be vulnerable.”

Courage comes from being okay, failing, messing up, or being embarrassed. It comes from aligning your values and beliefs with actions. It means holding genuine connections and values closely and identities a bit more loosely.