Kindle Notes & Highlights
Rav Chisda said: Anger destroys a home just like a worm destroys sesame seeds. (Sotah 3b)
When Hashem created a wife for Adam Harishon, He called Adam “Ish” and He called Chavah “Ishah.” Hashem’s Name is found in both their names (the yud in “Ish” and the hei in “Ishah”). When a husband and wife walk in Hashem’s ways and do His mitzvos, they bear His name and He saves them from misfortune. However, if they don’t, Hashem removes His names and the letters left in “Ish” and “Ishah” spell “eish”—fire. They become two fires that consume each other, as it says (Iyov 31), “For fire will consume until annihilation.” (Pirkei D’Rebbi Eliezer, chapter 12)
Just like the Torah taught, “Do not turn to false gods,” so, too, it is forbidden to look at the face of an angry person. (ibid.)
Praiseworthy is the person who watches his home and keeps it suitable for Shabbos; his “home” refers to his heart. Praiseworthy is the person who is careful not to be sad or angry on Shabbos. Anger is the fire of Gehinom, and it says, “Do not kindle any fires in your homes on Shabbos.” When a person becomes angry it is as if he lit the fires of Gehinom. (Tikkunei Zohar, tikkun 48, p. 85) Other
An angry person does not appreciate the taste of his food or pay attention to what he is doing. His life is revolting, his body disintegrates, he will hate himself, his friends will find him abominable, his children and wife will stay away from him, he will become alienated from his father and mother, he will become distant from his siblings and he will curse Hashem. Woe to this trait that always needs forgiveness!
The Arizal was more concerned about anger than any other sin, even when the anger was for a mitzvah. He explained that every sin damages a limb, whereas anger damages the neshamah and totally changes it. When a person becomes angry, his neshamah departs from him and in its stead enters a soul from the realm of evil. This is what is meant by, “He kills his soul with his rage”—he literally kills his holy soul with his rage, as is explained in the Zohar.
Even if a person performs many mitzvos and does teshuvah, everything is lost! His neshamah that performed all these mitzvos is gone. Every time a person becomes angry, he has to once again do teshuvah and perform mitzvos. Therefore, a person with a temper has little hope for success; he is like a dog who returns to eat his own regurgitated food. ( Shaar Ruach Hakodesh by Rabbi Chaim Vital) 57. An angry person will never be able to achieve spiritual levels, even if he is perfectly righteous in every other area. He is constantly destroying what he built and causing his neshamah to depart. (
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Anger uproots the soul. A person can try very hard to bring back his neshamah, but he won’t definitely succeed.
An angry person loves honor;
The attribute of anger is the worst of the worst. (Even Shleimah by the Vilna Gaon)
The worst impediment to peace is anger. An angry person will not have peace with Hashem or with people. His anger causes him to commit sins and fight with people he is in contact with regularly. (ibid.) An angry person will not have peace of mind in this world or in the next world. In this world, he is constantly angry when he sees things he doesn’t agree with, and he is always bitter and complaining. He will derive joy from nothing. In the next world, he will have no rest because he spent his life walking in darkness. About such a person it says, “A man of rage has many sins.” (Ma’aneh Rach,
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All sins that a person violates willfully stem from anger. Every Jew has a Divine part in him, so how can he brazenly violate Hashem’s commandments? However, his anger causes this Divine part to leave, and he ends up committing sins. (Meor Einayim)
An angry person causes himself to become impure. If a person only knew how anger damaged his soul, he would see that it’s better to throw himself into a hot furnace than to get angry even one time! (Taharas Hakodesh, vol. 2, p. 172)
A thinking person should run away from anger like he would run away from fire. Just like fire consumes and destroys everything, anger destroys everything. Just like fire can destroy a valuable item in seconds, anger can cause the mitzvos a person has done to be lost. In truth, anger is worse than fire; while fire destroys a tangible item, anger burns the neshamah. Furthermore, damages from a fire can be reimbursed monetarily, whereas the losses from anger can only be regained through teshuvah. (ibid., 6)
The worst attributes, which prevent closeness to Hashem, are arrogance, anger and being particular about matters. (Shaarei Kedushah by Rav Chaim Vital) Nothing nullifies attachment to Hashem more than anger. (Reishis Chochmah, Anavah 5)
An angry person is never happy. He cannot serve Hashem and does not accept what happens to him with love and joy (ibid.). Anger and joy are diametrically opposed to each other, and the Torah warned (Devarim 28) about the terrible devastation that would result from not serving Hashem with joy. (Orech Apayim)
An angry person will be constantly depressed, as it says (Yeshayah 30), “From your depression and your rage.” (Sefer Hamiddos)
An angry person violates the commandment to “Fear the presence of the Al-mighty.” If a person would truly feel that he stood before Hashem, he wouldn’t get angry at Him; he’d be embarrassed and submissive before Him. He would leave his matters to the King’s kindness, because the King is able to fix everything. Furthermore, he should consider that a person angering him is doing so with the permission of Hashem, as Dovid Hamelech said (Shmuel II, 16), “Hashem told him to curse.” (Reishis Chochmah, Anavah 3)
An angry person violates the positive commandment to “Rebuke your fellow man.” He can’t fulfill this mitzvah properly, since the Torah says, “And you shall not carry a sin for him”—rebuke must initially be delivered in a soft and gentle manner. If a person rebukes in a loud, angry tone, he is transgressing this commandment. Furthermore, the person being rebuked will not be able to accept the rebuke and will instead stubbornly persist in his ways, as is human nature. So said Shlomo Hamelech (Koheles 9), “The words of the wise are heard with pleasantness.” (Reishis Chochmah, Anavah 5; Orchos
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An angry person will easily fight with his wife and ruin the peace in his home. 95. An angry person will violate the mitzvah to provide his wife with clothing, food, and time. (Orech Apayim1, 29) 96. Anger causes a person to violate the prohibition against saying hurtful and embarrassing words to others. Chazal expounded that a person shouldn’t speak harsh words to his friend even when they’re alone, since he’ll be pained and embarrassed. (Bava Metzia 58) This might easily happen with his wife, and Chazal warned that the punishment for speaking harshly to his wife will come swiftly, since she
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An angry person might hit someone. This is a transgression of “He shall not add”—a court may not hit excessively. This verse also prohibits one Jew from hitting another (Devarim 22). A person who merely raises his arm against a fellow Jew is termed a rasha and is disqualified from serving as a witness in a Jewish court. There is also an excommunication against a person who lifts his hand against another Jew. He should not be counted in a minyan until a court of three judges removes the ban. (See Shulchan Aruch, Choshen Mishpat, chapter 420, 1.) Even if his friend initiated the hostilities, he
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An angry person will easily transgress the prohibition of “Do not hate your friend in your heart.” Instead of fulfilling the mandate of Chazal to resolve differences pleasantly, he’ll harbor hatred and resentment in his heart. (ibid., 1, 23) The sin of baseless hatred is different than other sins in that a person is constantly transgressing it while he harbors this hatred in his heart. Sometimes a person will feel this hatred for a month, a year or even longer, until it’s impossible to calculate how many sins a person has accumulated! (Ahavas Yisrael, chapter 2)
An angry person who serves as a community leader might place excessive fear on his community. A leader who instills excessive fear on the community without proper motivation will descend to Gehinom and never come out (Rosh Hashanah 16b). (ibid.,
An angry person might transgress the prohibition of causing pain to a living animal. For example, if he became angry with his donkey, he might hit it and cause it pain. (ibid., 45)
An angry person will not acquire the special attribute of being able to concede to the truth, since he denies his mistakes and fools himself and others with false claims to justify his mistaken words. (ibid., 26)
Sefer Orech Apayim enumerates thirty-three prohibitions and positive commandments relating to not performing acts of kindness to others.
A father who becomes angry in front of his son, or a teacher who gets upset in front of his student, causes his son or his student to likewise become an angry person. Children and students emulate their parents’ and teachers’ behavior. The best chinuch for children is the example their father sets. “Educate a child according to his way”—this is the way of the father! When a father acts in a righteous manner, his children will see and follow in his ways. (Imrei Chaim 4, 255)
An angry person cannot accept any good trait until he removes anger from his heart. (Reishis Chochmah, Anavah
“Accustom yourself to speaking all your words pleasantly, to every person and all the time. In this way, you will be saved from anger, which is a bad trait that causes people to sin.” (Iggeres HaRamban). Notice how precise the words of our early rabbis are: your words pleasantly”—Even words of rebuke or complaint, because people are generally upset when delivering such words. “To every person”—Even to a difficult person who upsets you; even to a person who demeans and insults you. “All the time”—Even when you are tired, overwhelmed and harried, because then each word of conversation becomes a
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Rabbi Shimon the son of Elazar said: Do not try to calm your friend when he is angry. (Avos, 4)
A person is known through three things (Rashi: if he is a good person): through his drink (if he is settled even when he drinks wine); through his money (if he is honest in his business dealings with others), and through his anger (if he does not get too upset). (Eiruvin 65b)
Rava said: A Torah scholar becomes angry because of the Torah boiling within him (Rashi: Learning Torah causes his heart to broaden, and he takes things more to heart than a regular person; we must judge him favorably). The verse says, “Hashem said: ‘Behold, My words are like fire.’” Even so, Ravina taught that a person is obligated to teach himself to be pleasant, as it says, “And remove anger from your heart.”
All the wise and pious individuals who set out on the road to self-improvement set for themselves a condition: to conquer their anger—not to become angry and not to hate, but to broaden their hearts to accept both good and bad actions done by other people. If a lowly person harms them, they feel that their own soul is too precious to degrade it by responding in kind. If an honorable person harms them, they tolerate his words and accept the affliction. Therefore, when a person wants to remove anger from his heart, he must accustom himself to make his stubborn heart submissive and not become
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Be careful with the honor of your friend. Don’t become angry with him, even if he is in the wrong and you did nothing to him. This stems from the trait of Avraham Avinu, which is a good eye. (Commentary of the Yaavetz, Avos
An intelligent person is not considered to be so if he cannot control himself. (Sefer Hayashar, 6)
A person will never regret if he is slow to anger and doesn’t instigate an argument. (ibid.)
The beginning of anger is insanity and blindness, and its end is regret and loss! (Mivchar Hapninim)
The wise man said: How can an intelligent person discern the nature of his soul? If he can tolerate a difficult wife. (Noam Hamiddos)
The words of the sages are heard with pleasantness; they diffuse anger with gentle responses and never resort to rage or wars. (Iggeres Hamussar by Rabbi Shlomo Ben Aderes)
“And Yitzchak called to Yaakov and he blessed him and commanded him, ‘Do not take a wife from the daughters of Canaan’” (Bereishis 28). The Chofetz Chaim said: When a person wants to influence his child and prevent him from choosing a bad path, he should not do so with anger and rage. Displaying anger will only achieve the opposite results. First Yitzchak spoke softly to Yaakov and blessed him, and only after that did he say, my son, do me a favor – ‘Do not take a wife from the daughters of Canaan.” (HaChofetz Chaim Upe’alav, vol. 3, p. 1114)
“And Yaakov was angry and fought with Lavan… What is my sin and what is my crime that you chased after me?” (Bereishis 31). Rabbi Yehuda Leib Chasman, the principal of Chevron Yeshivah, said: After suffering from avan’s thievery and trickery for twenty years, Yaakov runs away from him. Yaakov sees that Lavan still hasn’t given up on him and is chasing after him. We would think that at least Yaakov would say to Lavan, “You are a thief, a low person, a sinner.” Instead, Yaakov says, “What is my sin and what is my crime,” as if he’s trying to appease Lavan. This is how a tzaddik speaks, even when
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“Slow to anger has much understanding and a short temper lifts up foolishness” (Tehillim 29). A person who is slow to anger is wise and full of understanding. A person who is short of temper is not only acting foolish but ‘lifting up his foolishness“ for all to see. He is announcing in a loud voice: ‘You should all know that I am a fool.” (Commentary of the Vilna Gaon on Mishlei)
A person who is] slow to anger and easy to calm down is pious” (Avos). A hint to this is found in the verse (Yirmiyahu 3:12), “For I am pious, says Hashem – I will not bear a grudge forever.” (Vilna Gaon)
“Anger will rest in the bosom of fools” (Koheles 7). The Dubno Maggid explained: A storeowner keeps merchandise that people frequently buy close at hand. Merchandise that is rarely sold is kept on a high shelf, and when he needs it he climbs a ladder to get it. A wise person does not readily use anger, but a fool has anger constantly in reach. (Ohel Yaakov)
A child builds a tower with his blocks, and his friend knocks it down. The child starts to scream and runs to his father. “Look how hard I worked,” he cries. “Yossi ruined it! Hit him! Call the police and put him in jail.” His father merely laughs and negates his son’s words. However, his son thinks that his father hates him and that’s why he’s not helping him. This is the way things are in this world. Material matters are fleeting and unimportant, yet a person wants Hashem to avenge his every grievance and hurt. He doesn’t want to sit back patiently and swallow his anger. This person is not
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The source of anger is fire, and only the fires of Gehinom can purify one who stumbles with anger. (Oznayim LaTorah)
It is not permissible to lose peace of mind for the sake of a mitzvah, to the extent that a person becomes angry. The prohibition against becoming angry is just as severe as chametz on Pesach. The verses, “Foreign
You should never offer the attributes of anger and arrogance as an offering to Hashem – even for the sake of a mitzvah and Hashem’s honor. (Rachamei Av)
When we are slow to anger, Hashem is appeased and loves us. “And a soft tongue will break a bone (gerem)” – gerem stands for gezeiros raos mevatel – He annuls evil decrees. (Orech Apayim, 1, 83)
your friend angers you, instead of getting angry think to yourself: “If I was, Heaven forbid, sick and the doctor prescribed a bitter-tasting medicine, I would swallow it because my life depended on it.” Patience is medicine for the soul. Although it’s difficult to put up with degradation, if you are patient and don’t respond in kind, your neshamah will shine brightly like the sun in all its strength. (Ma’aneh Rach)
