Remove Anger from Your Heart

by Rabbi Avraham Tubolsky

Rabbi Yerucham Levovitz (5635-5696), Mashpia of the Mirrer Yeshivah, writes: Learning mussar is a great matter! What a gold mine it is for a person! The essence of mussar is to “convict oneself.” At an established time, a person should judge and convict himself, and recite an acceptance of judgment. Is there a value to this? He pushes away many types of Gehinom with this! Can there be anything of greater satisfaction than this?! (Daas Chochmah Umussar, vol. 2, p. 34)

Rabbi Yechezkel Sarna (5650-5729), a teacher in Chevron, writes: The main thing is to learn mussar with analysis every day. Without this, a person is totally wild; he is like a beast that pursues every attractive sight, and he has no control over himself. A person should also contemplate his actions before he performs them, when he does them, and after the action is done. (Haacher He’asef, p. 57)

Rabbi Chaim Vital: Middos are embedded in the lower soul of man… and they are the seat, foundation, and root for the higher intellectual soul, in which the 613 mitzvos of the Torah are rooted. This is why [correcting] character traits is not mentioned among the 613 commandments. However, doing so is the primary preparation for the fulfillment or violation of the commandments. The intellectual soul does not have the ability on its own to fulfill the mitzvos with the 613 parts of the body; rather, it does this through the lower soul, which is attached to the body itself …. Therefore, bad middos are worse than sins themselves. Chazal taught: “Anyone who gets angry is considered to worship idols,” which is equivalent to violating all 613 mitzvos. They also said: “An arrogant person is considered to deny the existence of the Creator; he deserves to be torn down like an idolatrous tree, and his dust will not stir [with the revival of the dead],” and other such statements. This must be understood: Since character traits are the principles and foundations, they are not counted among the 613 mitzvos that are dependent on the intellectual soul. Hence, a person must be more careful to stay away from bad character traits than to fulfill the positive and negative commandments, because if he possesses good character traits, he will easily fulfill all the mitzvos.

A person was only created to break his nature. Therefore, he should urge himself to fix his middos … and he will receive Divine assistance to completely break his bad middos.

The Chazon Ish: One of the assumed postulates is that fixing middos relates to mitzvos between man and his fellow man, while the obligation to fear Hashem relates to mitzvos between man and Hashem. From this postulate emerges an idea that some people perform mitzvos between man and Hashem perfectly, but they have deficiencies in their character traits. If you look closely at this idea, it has no basis. In truth, a person whose attributes are the same as when he was born, and didn’t improve them through mussar and knowledge, is in the hands of his yetzer hara; his yetzer hara is not in his hands. It is not possible for such a person to reach perfection in mitzvos between man and Hashem. Even if he does fulfill these mitzvos, it is only because he does not encounter resistance from one of his bad middos. However, were he to encounter resistance from them, his fear would not withstand them, and this happens daily … This shows that such a person is rotten at his core because the yetzer hara rules over him, and whatever mitzvos he performs are done as habits that conform to his desires for honor and pleasure and his way of life …. It is common for there to be a battle about middos that relate to man and his fellow man. It is not common for the yetzer hara to oppose prayer and the like. The person thinks he is halfway serious——a wall inside of himself separates between mitzvos. However, the truth is that he does not have these nor these! (Chazon Ish, Emunah U’Bitachon, 4, 5-7) T...

In conclusion, we will mention the words of Rabbi Simcha Zissel of Kelm, who established: The foundation and root of all bad middos is selfishness, love of oneself!

When we think about this, we find that it is true. For example, the “I” gets angry, the “I” is arrogant, the “I” lies, the “I” pains and steals, the “I” desires, the “I” is lazy, the “I” takes revenge, the “I” hates, and so on. The more a person reduces his “I” and remembers that there is also a “him,” and he tries to bring his love of self closer to love of others and to bridge the gap between them, he will rise accordingly to purify and purge his character traits. This is the secret to the success of Gedolim who fixed and beautifed their character traits, and this is the secret of Rabbi Akiva's words, “And you should love your friend as yourself” – this is the Torah's important principle! And the words of Hillel, “What you do not want done to you, do not do to your friend; this is the entire Torah, and the rest is commentary. Go and learn it!”

Abaye would say: A person should be cunning in fear of Heaven, reply softly to diffuse anger, and increase peace with —even non-Jews. Then he will be beloved above and desirable below, and he will be accepted by people. (Berachos 17a)

There are three [people] Hashem loves: one who never gets angry, one who never gets drunk and one who overlooks slights and does not insist on his due. (Rashi explains that this last category refers to a person who does not wish to repay bad to or harbor resentment against one who caused him pain.) (Pesachim 113b)

A person who does not get angry is above physicality, for it is the way of a material person to get excited and to get angry. In this way he resembles Hashem Who is not physical, and those who are alike love each other. Therefore, Hashem loves a person who never gets angry. (Maharal, Nesiv Hakaas, chapter 1)

A person should completely shatter the attributes of desire and anger. He should not get angry at all, even for the sake of a mitzvah, even when he is very upset, even over a loss of a substantial amount of money, or even over the loss ...

(Chaim V’Chesse...

Rav Ada bar Ahavah’s students asked, “In what merit did you receive a long life?” He answered, “I was never upset and over...

Rav Yehudah said in the name of Rav, “The explicit Name of Hashem, which contains forty-two letters, is revealed only to one who is modest and humble, and has reached half his years [at least 35 years old], and who never gets angry, and who never gets drunk, and who overlooks slights and who does not demand his fair due. Anyone who knows the Name, is careful with it, and guards it in purity, is beloved above and desirable below, and...

Eliyahu Hanavi said: The Torah is never explained to one who gets upset. I also only appear to one who does not get upset. Fortunate is the one who met Eliyahu and sat with him. He is guaranteed that he has a place in the World to Come. (Kallah Rabbasi, chapter

“A man of rage will incite dispute” ( Mishlei 16). Reb Nechemiah said, “This is a person who has no patience.” “A man of patience will silence a fight” (ibid.) This is someone who is very patient. When we studied there (in Eretz Yisrael) we were taught, “Who is truly a hero? One who conquers his urges.” (Midrash Mishlei 15. See Yalkut.)

Rabbi Shimon taught, The nature of a tzaddik is that he is hard to upset and easily calms down. This attribute is the best of all attibutes. The verse teaches us, “Eleh toldos Noach —These are the generations of Noach.” He was noach, pleasant, in his opinions; he was pleasant in his speech; he was pleasant in his ways! Such a person is an “ish tzaddik—a righteous man.” When he passes away, they will say about him, “Where is the humble one? Where is the pious one?” “Tamim hayah bedorosav —He was perfect in his generations!” What ...

How do you know which person to befriend and who to stay away from? A person[’s character] is known through his anger. If he guards his holy neshamah when he is angered, if he does not allow it to be uprooteded [from him] and have a foreign spirit reside in its place, then this is a proper person. This is a ...

Dovid Hamelech was virtuous, cleaved to Hashem and denied himself sleep in order to learn Torah. Despite this, he only merited to become the “fourth leg of Hashem’s chariot” through his patience. When Shimi ben Geira cursed him, threw dirt at him and stoned him, Dovid said, “Leave him alone and let him curse, because Hashem told him to curse!” At that point, he reached his high level. (Masok Midvash)

Leaving the trait of anger brings one to enter into the way of humility. Go and learn from Hillel the elder, who was the most humble person in the world. His humility caused him to bring converts under the wings of the Divine Presence. (Sefer Chassidim, chapter 145) And when you will be saved from anger, the attribute of humility will rise in your heart. Humility is the best of all the positive attributes. (Iggeres HaRamban) 16. “And remove anger from your heart and take away evil from your flesh”—this is the best of all the good middos. (Sefer Chassidim, 72)

If a person rules over his spirit at a time of anger —this is one of the most honorable attributes in t...

A person who is slow to anger will never regret it! ( Sefer Hayashar leRabbeinu Tam, shaar 6)

“Better one who is slow to anger than a hero; better one who rules over his spirit than one who conquers a city” ( Mishlei 16). This refers to a person who is prone to anger and forces himself to act as if he is not an angry person. “Slow to anger” is one of the thirteen attributes used to describe Hashem! (Orchos Tzaddikim, Shaar Habitachon Hakaas)

A patient person is very likely to achieve the attribute of joy. He will serve Hashem and fulfill His mitzvos with joy; he will accept every setback and happenstance in life with ease and judge Hashem’s rulings toward him righteously,...

“If you fulfill My matters with joy, then My angels will go out to greet you! And I Myself will come out to greet you and tell you, ‘Come to peace.’” A person merits this after conquering anger. (Maseches Derech Eretz Zuta, chapter 4)

A person who is hard to anger and easy to mollify is at the apex of piety (Midrash Shmuel, Avos, 5, 14). A hint to this is found in the verse, “Slow to anger and great in kindness (chessed)”—one who is slow to anger is a great chassid! (Divrei Yisrael, p. 8)

The wise one said: “A calm demeanor has a beginning and an end; the beginning is wisdom and the end is peace. Someone with a pleasant demeanor lives with goodness; he’s consistently happy and the various setbacks of life will not upset him.” Another [wise man] said: “The greatest among men is one w...

When people treat each other with the attribute of pleasantness and forgiveness, Hashem is pleasant to them and forgives their sins. As it is written, “Go eat your bread with joy and drink your wine with a good heart, for the Al-mighty desires your deeds.” (ibid.)

The attribute of goodwill and soft speech is great. A person who has a pleasant spirit and soft speech can seduce even a coldhearted officer with his soft speech; he can break the officer’s anger and subjugate him. This is what is meant by the verse ( Mishlei 25), “With patience and forbearance, an officer will be seduced and a soft tongue can break a bone.”(ibid.)

“And an eternal love I have loved you, therefore I have drawn you with kindness” (Yirmiyahu 31). This refers to a person who doesn’t become angry. He becomes a chariot for the Divine level of chessed, which is called love. (Reishis Chochmah, Shaar Haanavah, chapter 3)

A person can only be called complete when he rules over his anger. The verse says ( Mishlei 19), “The intelligence of man leads to being slow to anger, and the glory of man is when he overlooks injustices done to him.” (ibid.)

One who holds himself back from anger acquires the attributes of compassion and humility. Immediately following rage comes cruelty, as it says (Shemos 22), “And my rage will be ignited and I will k...

The fire of Gehinom will not touch a person who is not ruled by his ang...

A person who speaks in a low voice and is frequently silent becomes a chariot for the Divin...

If a person has the precious attribute of being slow to anger—this signifies that his neshamah is pure. He can reach the highest of levels, the level of piety that was described by R...

If you wish to know whether a person possesses intellect, see if he is patient and if he conquers his rage at a time whe...

The more holiness there is, the more love and affection. The more holiness there is, the less anger and rage … Therefore, our prayers should be to remove anger, and that we should only have brotherhood and peace. This is a sign that holiness is amongst us. The more holiness there is in a place, the less anger, and the ...

Don’t allow a complaint about others to enter your heart, and never respond likewise. A person achieves far more with patience than he would with force. A person should be pleasant with everyone and not speak too much to others. He should greet others first and respond pleasantly to all....

When a person overcomes his anger, it is considered as if the entire world came into being because of him. He will merit to achieve perfect prayer, and he will merit to fulfill all the mitzvos and matters of holiness. (ibid., p. 94)

A person who breaks the trait of anger will merit a good reputation, and he will bring many souls close to Hashem. (ibid.)

Fools fast and afflict their bodies with immersion in ice-cold mikva’os. If they would conquer their rage, it would be greater than a thousand fasts!

A person has no excuse as to why he did not engage in this way of penitence. If Hashem would ask him, “Why did you not do teshuvah through fasting and afflictions?” he can answer, “I was not strong enough to endure this.” Hashem does not demand the impossible from His creations. But if Hashem would ask, “Why did you get angry and push away your fear of Heaven?”—what will he answer? (Orech Apayim)

It is taught in the Zohar (Tikkunim 69, 2) that a person who protects himself from disputes and anger will merit that his home resemble the Beis Hamikdash! The angels on Friday night will say, “This is not the place of a simple person; rather, this is a place that Hashem desires.” This is also the translation of the verse (Bereishis 28), “This is none other than the house of Hashem and the gate of Heaven.” Onkelos explains, “This is not a place of a simple one; rather, it’s a place of Hashem’s will!” (Be’er Moshe, Shemos, p. 993)

What do people say about a person who learns Scripture, serves Torah scholars, yet his business dealings are not performed with honesty and faith, and he does not speak pleasantly? “Woe to so-and-so who studied Torah. Woe to his father who taught him Torah! Woe to his teacher who taught him Torah! See how ruinous his deeds are; see how ugly his ways are.” About such a person it says (Yechezkel 36), “When they will say about them they are the nation of Hashem, but they have left His land.” (Yoma 86a; Rambam, Hilchos Yesodei HaTorah 5,

Reish Lakish said: “Wisdom departs from a wise person who becomes angry; prophecy departs from a prophet who becomes angry.” We see that a wise man loses his wisdom with Moshe Rabbeinu, as it says (Bamidbar 31), “And Moshe became angry with the officers in charge of the troops.” The verse then states, “And Elazar the kohen told the people of the army coming to war, ‘This is the law of the Torah that Hashem commanded Moshe.’” Obviously, Moshe forgot the halachah. We see that a prophet loses his prophecy from Elisha, as it says, (Melachim II, 3), “If not for the presence of Yehoshafat the king of Yehudah whom I respect, I would never look at you and never see you.” After that it is written, “And now bring me a musician; and when the musician played, the spirit of Hashem rested once again on Elisha.” (Rashi: A musician was needed to remove Elisha’s anger toward Yehoram. Then the spirit of Hashem rested on him, because it had apparently left him

Why was Moshe angry with them? Was it because of his personal interests? He became angry because Dasan and Aviram were violating Hashem’s command when He said, “No man should leave over any [manna] until the morning.” His anger was completely for the sake of Heaven, yet Hashem told Moshe, “For how long will you refuse?” Moshe was included in the same category together with Dasan and Aviram. How far must a person distance himself from anger! (Peninei Hashleimus, p.

The Divine Presence does not rest on a person who has a tendency toward anger. Hashem said to Eliyahu Hanavi, “What are you doing here, Eliyahu?”—Why do you deserve to exist in this world if you are angry at the Jewish people and you are accusing them in your anger? Eliyahu answered that he wasn’t angry for his own honor, but for Hashem’s honor. Hashem hinted to him, “Hashem is not found in the wind; Hashem is not found in fire”—you will not be holy with the attribute of anger, but rather with a ‘small, still voice.’” (Aggadas Eliyahu, 1, 53; Me’am Lo’ez, Avos 244)

“And it was when Yitzchak grew old, his eyes dimmed and he could not see” (Bereishis 27). This teaches that anger causes loss of sight. Before this verse it says, “And they (the wives of Esav) were a source of bitterness for Yitzchak and Rivkah,” and after that it says, “Yitzchak grew old.” (Midrash Aggadah, parashas Toldos; Midrash Lekach Tov) Anger ruins the power of sight, as it says, “And my eye was smitten from rage” (Iyov 17). The verse also says (Tehillim 6), “My eye has been clouded from anger.” (Sefer Hamiddos)

Our sages taught: Three types of people lead dissatisfactory lives—those who are very compassionate, those who easily get upset, and those who are very finicky and particular. (Pesachim 113b)

Bar Kafra taught: An angry person has nothing other than his rage. (Kiddushin