Flirting with Disaster

by Naina Kumar

that kind of love—that feeling—it was all-consuming. It made me irrational. Impulsive.

“Tell me what’s wrong,” he says. “Please.”

Why won’t you just sign the papers? Why won’t you let us go?”

Tired of all the times Nikhil has retreated like this.

Tired of the way he never used to tell me what he was thinking.

having to guess what’s on...

I want you to be with me. I want to live out everything we promised to each other.

what we have…is real.”

He’s still avoiding talking about hard things.

These turbulent emotions, these up-and-down swings, I can’t do this again.

“It was real to me.”

There’s nothing left for me here. Nothing.”

“You’ve put roots down here. This is your home. You have community here and things you’re working toward

I want to at least have a choice.”

“You never let me meet your family!”

“You were never going to tell them.”

I’d worked so hard to make sure they never worried about me. I’d followed every rule. I’d achieved every milestone.

I’d wanted to leave all of that in the past, where it belongs.

You made it clear I wasn’t good enough for you, and I’m not arguing. I wasn’t.”

“I was the failure. Not you. I would have been so proud to introduce you to my family.

“You were better than anything I could have possibly planned.”

You’re mine, you belong to me.

We’ve always belonged to each other. Always.

Something slow and soft.

there’s been an underlying sense of peace.

It’s a kind of calm I haven’t experienced in six years.

Being around Nikhil somehow makes everything better. It always has. He’s the quiet center in the midst of chaos.

My eye of the storm.

we need this one final goodbye before we’re torn apart for good.

it seems important that neither of us goes to bed angry.

And I’d never felt lighter. Like all the weight holding me down had been lifted.

Dizzy and joyful and for the first time, so full of hope.

I was in such a fragile spot back then. I was truly just taking it one day at a time.

I’d realized how important this city was to him. How it was the first place he’d ever been able to call home.

he’d just left. And that had told me everything I needed to know.

we both played a role in the demise of this marriage. We both bear some of the blame.

These two don’t know the heartbreak that awaits them. These two aren’t even aware of what’s going on around them at the moment.

I loved Nikhil. And he loved me. We loved each other.

I think he was scared. He might have revealed those parts to me one day. If he’d felt safe.

That she needs to tell him what he means to her.

cared too much about the wrong things, and in doing so I lost the man I love. Love, not loved.

I don’t think there’s been a day that’s gone by where I haven’t loved Nikhil.

The man who’s been searching for a place to call his own and dreams about opening an inn, a place others can feel at home.

The man who makes me feel known. Like I can tell him anything and be immediately understood.

That I love him. That I’ve always loved him.

He looks like home.

I’ve been holding on to the past too long. Holding on to us too long.

you’re right. We both need to let this go. We both need to move on.”

I don’t want to stand in the way of your happiness. I’ve never

wanted that. I just…wasn’t ready. I needed a little time to adjust.”