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Bandaging festered wounds always makes them worse in the long term. You have to open them up, let them breathe, treat the infection.
“We don’t need to
get away. Isn’t that the best part of being each other’s oasis?”
the first man around whom I can breathe.
I like even keeled. It makes me feel safe.
“Mira, honey, what’s the matter?” “I don’t know,” I squeak. I want to scream it. Everything is so great, so great, but I can’t seem to shake off this pressure in my chest. I want to say that, but I don’t know how to.
One step at a time. It’s how I’ve always lived my life. This moment. Then the next.
“It’s a trip to New York. A two-hour flight. You’re not losing me. I just need a little time off. Can’t you be happy for me?”
She scoffs. She’s always found the concept of time off amusing: just another irony for the privileged. Time off from what? Your pampered life? That’s what she’s thinking right now.
“It will be okay, love. Everything will work out. Life has a way of falling into place.” “Do you really believe that?” I say. “With my whole heart. The universe is magic. It’s working to set things right. My dad used to say that. He had a theory that for centuries humans have tried to control the world by forcing everyone into matching molds by getting them to close their minds. It’s why the pressure of discontent has turned humanity into a ticking bomb. The only way to defuse it is to change one heart at a time. Every time a single person opens their heart, the magic gets stronger. And your
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And he lets me see that vulnerable part of him without a whit of self-consciousness.
But can we ever leave our prisons behind? They built them into us. It’s all they’ve ever done from the day we were born, turn us into our own prison cells. It didn’t work with you. But you know it worked with me. I know you wish it hadn’t. I know you wish I was stronger, cleverer. But at least I made it here.
He’d always been kind to me whenever I had what our parents called my oversensitivity episodes
Also, the term “friendship” is what we call in light theory a spectrum: every component of the beam is not equal. Some parts of the spectrum are brilliant, blinding, can vaporize you with their intensity. Others simply exist to make the brilliant parts bearable.
You have this ability, Vasu, to understand and to grasp things even those who claim to be scholars can’t.
people like you create a world that’s better for us to live in.
You see people. You don’t believe what you’re told about them, about how you should feel about others and about yourself.
Fortunately Aie is really good at carrying on a conversation by herself. At least when it comes to her children. With everyone else, she’s famed for being a good listener.
Do you think I’ve never had to think about the consequences of my actions because you’ve always done that for the both of us?
I, Mira Salvi, the girl who always manages her expectations, who always overthinks consequences, who never trusts anyone, how could I have gotten so carried away?
It’s big, visible love, the kind of love that’s not meant for everyone.
My own mother suspicious of my happiness. Can you believe such a thing?
Everything that happened was like light filling the sky when the sun rises, natural and inevitable.
They can have everything, but they cannot have the piece of me that is you.
Who we are when we’re with each other cannot be anything but God’s gift. No, they cannot take that from us.
It’s almost like the universe is conspiring for something to happen, and I can’t figure out how to do my part.”
“Mira, you believe in this. You’ve believed it with such passion from the start. Why are you letting how I feel get in the way of that?”
Who would have thought the breaking of a heart makes the breaking of bones feel insignificant?
Who do we smash so we can have each other?
When it was just my parents and us, I could barely breathe. Outside the house, we could at least experiment with being ourselves.”
“This is about you constantly jabbing at me for how I never got to be this version of me you want me to be. Stop manipulating me. Because I’m sick of it. I’m sick of being blamed for everything. I’m sick of being told who to be. By every single person in my life.”
“I think I might actually be happy,” Rumi says. “It’s not all the time. God knows, I’m not that evolved. But when I am, I just am, and it’s so much simpler than I thought it would be.” His voice changes again, turns the slightest bit more vulnerable. “But it didn’t happen until I stopped being afraid, Miru. Until I stopped believing everything I’d been taught about myself. It didn’t happen until I learned to follow my heart. It’s terrifying, but you have to learn to listen to what your heart is saying.”
I also remember the natural kindness and dignity you had about you. Something none of us had at that age.
You calm the restlessness inside me. You feel like an answer to questions I don’t even know I have.”
“Mira’s always been so easy. Always trying not to be a bother. This is your time, Mira. Don’t think about us.” What she means is: Think about us. We want to play dress-up for a week. You cannot take that away from us.
Krish: I created a monster.
Love this so much
“Because the only way I’ll have the courage to do this is with you.”
At seventeen, I had never been to a party, a sleepover, not even a playdate, really. My parents didn’t trust anyone. They didn’t trust us to not be influenced by other people’s homes and lives and still be controllable. It worked. At least it worked with me.”
The day passes in a haze. I don’t look at my phone. I feel nothing but emptiness. I just lie there. Not awake and not asleep, my mind more feelings than thoughts.
“I feel two years old. Like I can’t do anything.” “Your body is rejecting your emotional hypercompetence.”
“Don’t say that, honey. Weddings are overwhelming. Our culture doesn’t make it easy. There’s too many people’s feelings to consider. Just know that you come first. It’s your day.”
No one ever freaks out about losing me. It’s me who’s universally considered at risk of being abandoned lest my good luck run out.
“You’re part of me, Mira. How can I not worry when you’re not with me?”
“We’re all eating each other’s food on this earth, child. Never feel guilty to eat when you’re hungry. Just remember to feed the hungry when you can. Now tell me everything.”
Even after everything, I do believe that our families who separated us did want us to be happy. They just couldn’t define happiness as anything outside of what they were taught to define as normal.
“You know the thing about being adopted that sucks?”
“That everyone had a choice—your birth parents, your adoptive parents—and you had none, and you’re the one who has to live with the consequences of everyone else’s choices.”
“My parents chose to have Rumi and me. They gave birth to us, then for the rest of our lives they made us feel like we had to make ourselves worthy of all the hard work they had to put into raising us so they could give us this life that they wanted, not just for us but for themselves. How one approaches parenting is about the person you are. The parents you get is a game of chance for everyone.”
“Yes, it’s super fun being a pain magnet!”
“Well, I had it easy. I didn’t have to struggle like Ajita. The important thing is how hard she’s worked for you. She loves you. She’d do anything for you.” Our family’s theme song.
