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Kindle Notes & Highlights
by
Debra Fine
Read between
January 31 - February 9, 2020
Almost always, people will embrace your efforts and appreciate your leadership and friendship.
However, if the thought of this makes you want to jump into bed and pull the covers over your head, practice flashing your pearly whites in a setting that requires nothing more.
Walk along the high street and just say hello to ten people as you pass them. As you cut through the car park into the supermarket, greet three other shoppers. Keep practicing until it feels natural.
Make it a point to remember the other person’s name; learning and using names is probably the single most important rule of good conversation,
It’s better to say something like Excuse me, I’m not sure I got your name.
Acting as the host puts everyone at ease and creates an atmosphere of warmth and appreciation that naturally encourages conversation. It also positions you as a leader in the group.
Don’t wait; make eye contact and be the first to smile.
For example, enthusiastic exclamations like What a beautiful day, or That was a great ______ are indirect invitations to chat. Better to be direct, so there is no doubt you are starting a dialogue.
Starting with a Statement
His mission was to start as many conversations with women as possible using the ridiculous icebreaker Hi. What’s your sign? Here we are in a new millennium, and he was using that infamous 1970s line! And it worked!
Give it a try. You’ll discover that it’s really worthwhile. The true effort is taking the risk to be the first to say hello.
The persons being approached have already decided on their willingness to respond, regardless of the words said.
Often, people make the huge mistake of assuming they will have nothing in common with another person.
In the meantime, you feel a little foolish just standing alone in the presence of these two people who are fully occupied with each other.
How was your break? How was your holiday? How’s work? How are you? What’s been going on? How have you been? These everyday inquiries are just a few other ways of saying hello.
Fail-Safe Questions for Every Business Function
Psychologist Carl Rogers once said, “The biggest block to personal conversation is one man’s inability to listen intelligently, understandingly, and skilfully to another person.”
Attentive listening has three parts: visual, verbal, and mental. Combine these elements, and powerful listening results.
He wanted to see his dad’s response. He wanted to feel connected. He wanted his dad to be invested in the story. He wanted validation while he was telling his story.
room. It is always okay to disclose that you need to keep your eyes on the door because you promised to keep an eye out for a friend’s arrival. Then your lack of consistent eye contact is explained.
Engaging Approachable Body Language
POSITIVE MESSAGES TO THE SPEAKER
There is no need in remembering that if you are genuinely and sincerely interested in what you are asking
However, as the “host,” you want to enhance the comfort of your guest.
In an emotionally charged situation, you gain a side benefit of defusing anger when you repeat the specifics of what the other person stated. People naturally calm down when they realize they’ve been understood.
Anticipate excellence. We get good information more often when we expect it.
If you feel trapped in a conversation and don’t know how to exit, read on. We’ll take care of that dilemma as well.
A good conversationalist prepares before the event.
All of the above can backfire if you do not know the person well.
If you weren’t here, what would you be doing at this very moment?
If you could meet any one person, whom would you choose?
The rules of good conversation require give and take.
They worry that their lives are too ordinary to be interesting.
Lurking somewhere in your conversation is a hilarious event, a once-in-a-lifetime trip, a ridiculous moment, an exciting accomplishment, a hair-raising happy-ending tale, an uncanny coincidence, or an incredible adventure.
Personal misfortunes, particularly current ones
The key is that your compliment is genuine, so select something that you can truly support.
You may find that the person you are complimenting has difficulty receiving the praise. He may try to neutralize the compliment by denying it or feel obligated to return a compliment. If that happens, reaffirm your sincerity and move on to another subject.
If you truly cannot muster any enthusiasm for the dialogue, you owe it to your partner to excuse yourself and make your way to another approachable person.
Take the “Winning at Small Talk” quiz again and see if you’ve made any improvement.
Tell people what you will do, not what you hope to do.
No solutions are offered. No sympathy is given. No encouraging words found him. Brian is left feeling like no one really cares about his plight.
swinging soiree
It’s important to acknowledge that and to enjoy such a great story. There’s no need to rush to the next. It’s like hurrying through a glass of fine wine—you miss most of the experience in the rush to complete it!
I have a personal rule that I never talk for more than five minutes before passing the ball.
If your career or your relationship with your extended family is on the line, just surrender and consider it a random act of kindness.
We interrupt because we think we know what you’re going to say, so let’s not waste time. Or we know that you are wrong, and we must hurry to point out the errors in your thinking.
You have helped out the poor sport
Really depends on whether this person wanted to talk or not
The truth is, most people don’t want advice—they want empathy and compassion.
The adviser would do much better digging deeper to learn more about the issue and offering support instead of unsolicited solutions.
Acknowledge that what has been said is important. Providing unsolicited advice is not welcome in almost any situation.
I find that many people remain in a conversation longer than they should for two reasons: they feel trapped, especially if it’s just a two-person dialogue,
