When the Moon Hatched (Moonfall, #1)

by Sarah A. Parker

A female who’s now a vaporous memory that doesn’t bang against my ribs or heart. Not after I tied all those heavy, painful parts to a rock now anchored to the bottom of my icy internal lake.

that is a lot

There’s not much that’s wet and squishy left in my chest. It’s all hard and hostile, impervious to things like caring for the likes of Tarik Relaken.

Why wet? Why not soft??

An eviscerating rage torches my spine, licking around my ribs, feasting on my cold black heart.

Okay lol

Nothing worse than feeling like your brain’s being filleted into fluffy segments.

Fluffy segments?…

I sense her simmering frustration like a welling storm cloud that clots up the air with a static charge.

This sentence is a LOT

female.

Every time she uses "female" I think of incels lol. Pls stop.

anger wasn’t churning in my gut like a snowball that grows with each bouldered roll.

You're doing too much again

‘Die or drip my blood into your runed vial and be a forever slave to your whim,

A forever slave? Forever a slave would sound much better

icy spike hammered into my hardened heart,

Good lord we love to talk about ice and hardened hearts

female

Stoppppp

warmer air rich with the smell of something rich … buttery … freshly baked …

Why are we using rich twice in the same sentence?? Pls

Naturally, our shared living space is now the same color as her entire wardrobe. Black.

A girl after my own heart

‘Spangle shit?’ ‘I rinsed the actual feces off, then sterilized the ore. But yes. It had been … shat.’

Lmaoooooo

I swallow thickly.

This phrase is forever haunting me

Fear erupts behind my ribs with such violent force that cracks weave through my stony heart, exposing the fleshy core – so raw and vulnerable, withering like a juicy fruit tossed to a hungry flame.

You're doing too much Sarah

stripping the emotion back like shelling nuts, leaving the smooth pit inside – safe to handle.

Wut

My heart lurches, like something just tossed it against my ribs so hard I’m surprised they didn’t fracture.

How many times am I going to read an over-written sentence about her heart? lol

masticating my lungs. My heart.

Ma'am, it's been less than a page and we are talking about her heart again

My body temperature plummets so fast I hear my heart slow, like it’s wrestling slushy blood through my veins one sluggish beat at a time.

Aaaand again

She was born in the darkness.

Molded by it

Blood erupts from the soldiers’ mouths, their bulging eyes leaking ruddy tears as they claw at their throats, some falling where they stand. Others try to escape, staggering into walls or off the bridge, dead long before they hit the ground.

Yesssss. FUCK THEM UPPPPPP

The next breath I pull crushes my breasts against his solid, muscular chest.

Eyeroll

encasing me in the robust medley of his warm scent. A lush comfort in this harsh place, which I ignore the pleasure of, choosing to breathe through my mouth.

Raeve, you so stubborn lol

A low rumble boils in his chest,

How many more times is he going to "rumble" in this chapter lmao

he growls.

Aaaand now he's growling LOL

rumbling

Rumble number 3 in three pages

I clear my throat, fingers fisting my tunic, the silence between us tangible. A clay-like substance that could be molded into one of two things: a war horn or a waving white flag.

Wtf is this description lol

rumbles,

Rumble number 4

rumbles,

5 times. He rumbled 5 times this chapter LOL

My guts splat against my spine,

We have used the word spine twice in the last two paragraphs. Sarah pls.

rumbled

I should have started a tally for this word

my callus-encrusted heart.

How many times do you need to tell me you have a heart of stone. Seriously, WE GET IT.

as he rumbles

Okay I got curious and checked. She uses this description 73 times throughout this book. SARAH PLS.

He’s watching me with a haunting intensity that threatens to peel off one of the many calluses crusting my heart.

Gag

It’ll probably give me a shit fate, and honestly, it’s warranted.

It's absolutely warranted you whiny edgelord lol

A single surety stakes my heart like the roots of a mountain range – impossible to shift.

So many overwritten sentences. My eyes are gonna roll outta my head eventually.

flames that scorch and lick and flick at the powdery blue.

Did we need that many adjectives...

There is no rhythm to their rippling motions that remind me of cracking earth and shattering stones.

I just don't like this sentence

I cast a noose around the delicate, vulnerable feeling. Hang it from one of my ribs where I can look at its rotting corpse whenever I feel my heart doing the fluttering thing it’s doing right now.

Sarah pls.

microcock

It was bad enough she used this word the first time in a fantasy novel, now a second time?! Stop it Sarah!

I don’t let her see how much the words sting. How I feel them punch through one side, shred muscle, sinew, and bone, then burst out the other.

Jesus fuck, Kaan is as melodramatic as Raeve.

rage rumbling through my bones, heating my blood, licking against my organs with fiery malice.

SO MANY WORDS TO SAY SO LITTLE. WHY IS EVERY SENTENCE LIKE THIS?!!!!

Rage to fucking rage.

Eyeroll

He winks, dealing the hard parchment shards.

Just say cards ffs. Surely people in this world don't refer to them as 'hard parchment shards'. What in the fuckery?

‘Not telling, and if you try to pry the information from poor, vulnerable Agni with your charm stick, I’ll murder you in your sleep.’

Did she mean shtick? What is a charm stick?

I roll the dice again,

So we can play with dice, but not with cards. K.

I shrug, placing the huggin face down on the empty space on the grid.

Why are you explaining moves to a game we know nothing about. This whole scene is pissing me off lmao.

Luck, it seems, is licking my ass.

I hate this fucking chapter...

holding his stare as I set the flotti face down on the empty spot.

Sarah, I swear to fucking God. Stop it right now.

slamming down the Sabersythe I trump with my Moonplume, all the colors leaching from his shard – like the Sabersythe just perished. ‘Fucking knew it.’ I set my colk down, but he trumps it with a velvet trogg, also winning the following stomp when his miskunn trumps my enthu.

I am so mad right now.