When the Moon Hatched (Moonfall, #1)

by Sarah A. Parker

‘You don’t need me to kill anyone in exchange for it, do you?’ Silence prevails for so long I almost repeat the question. ‘Ahh, no. We’ll pass,’ the red-haired male says. ‘Nice.’ And strange. That’s usually how it works.

For a bag? Gurl, wtf?

didn’t wake in a cell, strung up, or in a dragon’s mouth. Nobody’s called me a filthy null or made my stabby hand twitch too much. I didn’t get tackled to the floor the moment I stepped free of my suite, painted in the blood of a sacrificial beast, or tied to a stick and offered to the Sabersythes. Nobody called me Kholu or ordered me to stay and breed some world-saving offspring, nor am I being herded by a mythical silver feline.

Thanks for the re-cap I guess? We didn't really need it, but okay.

Parchment larks flutter in the space above our heads,

Holy shit I forgot these existed because the story is so all over the place.

feeling like a sour bogsberry was just squeezed all over my brain and rubbed between the folds.

Riiiight

I look into his intense ember orbs.

What is it with Romantasy authors thinking that "orbs" is an appealing way to describe eyes?

I’m really not in the mood to wake with more tendons between my teeth,

Jump scare for Meg lmao

the thought now plows its fist through my chest and rips, rips, rips at all my important bits.

It rhymes, I hate it

My snare wobbles like pinched lips desperate to part.

I hate this sentence.

Kaan fills the stairwell so entirely the top of his head nearly brushes the light-smattered ceiling, his shoulders almost too big for him to be moving down faced forward.

This sentence feels clumsy

‘Who hurt you?’

Lmaooooo

Otherwise I would’ve sung it up the hall and ordered it to suicide itself in a puddle.’

Clumsy wording againnnnn

his hand coming up as if to cup my cheek.

Meg triggered

with notes of jumplin bulb and frostfruit.

Why does she continually add these random bits of information that is useless to the story and doesn't add any extra imagery to the scene since we don't even know what the fuck they are?! lol

Not to the organ in my chest that’s far too soft for its own good.

You've used organ to describe a heart twice on this page. I don't like it...

‘Wanna know anything?’ he asks, a hopeful hitch to his voice that I squish before it can crawl up my leg and pinch me.

Wtf is this description??!

Released my inner crafty bitch and let her shine.

K

Soft and floppy.

Please stop.

‘Quick, before my squinn curls get cold.’

Wtf are squinn curls??

She shivers against me in the way she always did, deepening my grave with another shoveled scoop.

No

A crackling sound nudges me from a sleep that slicks to my mind like oil.

Ew

that stony organ in my chest squeezing at the thought of him curled on a seater with a puncture in his gut – stiff and lifeless.

Has she jusy decided to stop using the word 'heart' in the last 40% of the book??? She has used 'organ' sooooo many times now...

He wraps his fist around a gongnut and cracks it,

All these random details about fruits and card games and other random shit, doesn't actually feel like world building. It feels like Sarah is attempting to build a world but failing.

break our fast,

JUST CALL IT BREAKFAST FFS. USING 'BREAK OUR FAST' DOES NOT MAKE IT MORE INTERESTING OR FANTASY CODED.

I smile, sinking my fingers into my hot, clenching core, looking at him from beneath lusty lids.

She really loves writing about the main character fingering herself...

‘Once you’re so wound up your entire body’s shuddering, I’d spread you, marvel you, then split you like an egg.’

Split you like an egg? How sexy......

molten stare

I'm getting sick of all these molten stares.

His desire to plunge forward and rip Rekk off that saddle folds through our bond,

Sarah, we are 88% through this book and you are justnow revealing that bonded dragons can share emotions...

‘She’s your burden now. She’s a stupid, feral bitch who’s more trouble than she’s worth.

She has made the 'bad guy' into an absolute caricature. This is laughable.

I return his smile, exposing the full length of my canines. ‘Only the ones I fucking loathe.’

This chapter was unbearably cringe.

like finally chewing a splinter from my hand that was rooted deep, the flesh around it swollen.

Chewing a splinter? What???

A thump pulses through my spine, like somebody tore the cord of bones from my body, whipped it against the stone, then threaded it back through me.

Sarah, you are doing too much. Where are your editors???

gaze nipping at Líri

ENOUGH WITH THE NIPPING

To maintain our ability to protect the Aether Stone.

The fact that I'm 92% through and the Aether Stone has been basically irrelevant this entire time...

Nothing better than a hot meal and a good show to get me in the mood for eating pussy and spilling blood.

Good God, did we really need a chapter from HIS perspective?

The four of us sit in silence, drinking while I watch a male finger a moaning whore who’s draped across the bar with her tits out – jiggling with each rough thrust of his hand.

Sarah, what is your fixation on fingering???

The Other

You were also irrelevant for a huge portion of the book. Great writing Sarah.

One green, like Mah’s apparently were. One pitch black, just like the pit of his septic soul.

Fucking eyeroll