Katabasis

by R.F. Kuang

“You want me to pretend that I love you.” “It’s easy,” he said. “Just assume our wills are united.” “What does that mean?” “Well, that we want all the same things. That we want what’s best for each other. That we take one another’s ends as our own, and that our ideal outcome is one in which we’re together. Haven’t you ever been in love?” “No. Have you?” “Well, no. But it can’t be all that hard to imagine, can it?”

This was love, a love she had never known; At last, she thought, this is the real thing—this gradual unfolding of another soul,

And if falling in love was discovery, was letting yourself be discovered the equivalent to being loved?

“I figured you might.” Elspeth’s expression softened, and she looked Alice up and down as if confirming a diagnosis. “You’ve got that look about you.” “What look?” “Well, not to be rude, but you’re all fucked up, aren’t you?”

She wanted it all to have never happened. She wanted her mind back. And she wanted to be more than a body, more than mere flesh, a thing to inscribe and observe and maybe fondle when you were bored.