Thanks for the Feedback: The Science and Art of Receiving Feedback Well

by Douglas Stone

Depending on the formality of the context, here are a few different kinds of things you can firm up as you wrap up: Action Plans: Who does what tomorrow? What, if anything, is each party going to change or work on, and what do you each agree to do to make that happen? Benchmarks and Consequences: How will progress be measured, and when? Consider discussing what impact, positive and negative, measuring will have. Also, discuss the consequences, if any, if benchmarks are not met. Procedural Contracts: In addition to promises about the substance of what will change, you might make agreements on the process for working on them. When do we talk again, and about what? You may agree to gather more input from the client, the board, the neighbors, the market. We may both vow not to discuss the matter in front of the kids or the customer, or agree to give each other the benefit of the doubt. New Strategies: Whether at work or at home, the friction that produces feedback often reflects differences between us that aren’t going to go away. Rather than finding solutions in these cases we should often be looking for strategies—new ways of working around each other’s foibles and failures, forgetfulness, or fiery tempers. At the end of the conversation, articulate the ideas you’ve generated for how to accommodate each other more successfully, and again, make sure you each know exactly what you’re agreeing to.