when your colleague mentions your outburst and the way you “stormed” out of the room, you are in disbelief: “I’ve never once raised my voice at you,” you assert. “And I don’t ‘storm.’ ” And in your mind, you never have. When we are angry, we are focused on the provocation, the threat. And it’s the threat that we remember later. For our colleague, our anger is the threat. It’s not just part of the story, it’s the heart of the story. Your anger is integral to how your colleague sees you and interacts with you. As the example above reveals, strong emotions can seem as if they are part of the
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