Neither Sandy nor Gil sees the system. From the inside, what we see is the other person’s behavior and its impact on us. We see ourselves as merely responding to the problem that the other person is creating. Intersections—differences in preferences, tendencies, and traits that cause us to bump into each other—account for a significant proportion of the friction and feedback in both personal and professional relationships. Marriage researcher John Gottman reports that 69 percent of the fights married couples currently have are about the same subjects they were arguing about five years ago.1
...more
