When something goes wrong, we need to be able to talk about it so that we can figure it out and fix it. But here’s where things get strange. When we are the ones giving the feedback, we know we are offering “constructive criticism” and helpful coaching. We’re confident that we’ve correctly identified the cause of the problem, and we’re stepping up to address it. Yet when we’re on the receiving end of this kind of feedback, we don’t hear it as “constructive” anything. We hear it as blame: This is your fault. You are the problem. You need to change. And that feels incredibly unfair, because we
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