There’s another factor that makes difference spotting tough. What we do and don’t notice isn’t random. If your giver likes you and thinks you’re terrifically competent, they’re going to notice all the fantastic things you do. They’ll go out of their way to find them. Your radiance also influences how they interpret what they see. That mistake you made is simply the exception that proves just how competent you usually are, and maybe it wasn’t really a mistake at all. But if friction develops in the relationship—when the infatuation of new love fades, the stakes rise, or humidity sets in—biases
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